Meredith Morrison - I Just Wanted Poopsie

 

So, the day that I was born ended my sister's four-year one woman show. [audience laughter] And unknown to me at the time, it also began my very lengthy audition for the important role of supporting actress in her show. The trouble was I was not what she envisioned for this very important role in her life. She had tea parties. I played tee-ball. She liked to arrive late to parties to have a grand entrance. I liked to arrive early, so that I could know where the exits and the bathrooms were at all times. For Halloween, she was Cinderella, I was the pumpkin. [audience laughter] She very much was a performer and was comfortable on the stage, and I preferred to be in the audience. 

 

That was until one fateful day in eighth grade, of all the grades middle school, it's the time to really go out on a limb. [audience laughter] My two best friends, Megan and Kristen Hankins, the twins. They weren’t in fact twins, that wasn't like a weird thing, I just called them, came over to my house and they rang the doorbell and I opened it and they're like, “We're trying out for the musical.” And I was like, “That is great for you, guys. That sounds really awesome. I'll be there. Let me know when it is.” And they're like, “No, no, we are trying out for the musical, the three of us.” And I was like, “No. No, that's not actually going to happen, but thank you for thinking of me.” 

 

They kindly reminded me that I owed them one, because I made them join the bowling team with me. And so, they were like, “Listen, as a fellow pinhead, [audience laughter] you have to commit to this.” And I was like, “All right, I'll do you guys a solid. I'll be your third, that way you can audition and get in and all that good stuff.” So, we practice. We go to the audition. It happens. The next day at school, we're waiting for the list to be posted, whether or not we get called back for a larger part. So, we run to the list and we see all three of our names are on it. [sighs] [audience laughter] Unfortunately, my overachieving self is like, “Well, I can't quit. My name's on the thing. I need to show up. I have to do it.” 

 

So, we go the next day to-- No, I'm sorry. First, I go and talk to my sister. So, I open the door to my sister's room. It's almost like she set up in her own bedroom, like one of those where you have the lights, like she's backstage on Broadway. It's already there. And every time I entered, I feel like she was always like, “Yes.” [audience laughter] And so, I enter, and I'm standing in the doorway waiting for her permission and her acknowledgement. And I was like, “Jenn, I got a call back for the musical.” And she's like, “Really? Oh. All right, you'll be fine. Don't worry. I'm sure they bring a lot of people back. It's middle school.” I was like, “Okay. Thanks. Appreciate it.” 

 

So, I read over the script and I found this character. It was the Pajama Game. And so, I found this character. I was like, “Poopsie, this is who I want to play.” She has 15 lines, enough to be a part of it. So, I might be memorable, but not enough where there's a large amount of responsibility. So, I was like, “All right, I'm going for Poopsie. She's my girl. She's a good time. That's what I'm going for.” So, we go to the lead callbacks. They give me the script and like they want you to read for Babe Williams. And I was like, “I know that role.” She has over 200 lines and she's a part of 8 out of the 12 musical numbers, 2 of which are solos.” And I'm like, “This is my nightmare. This is not who I want.” 

 

I read as Babe, and then I go home, again, going to my sister's room, and she's on her bed, “How did it go?” [audience laughter] And I was like, “Jenn, I don't know what to do. They had me read for Babe.” And she's like, “Who is this Babe?” [audience laughter] And I said, “Well, she is the lead.” She's like, “The lead of?” I was like, “Yes.” And she's like, “Well, they just do that, Meredith.” [audience laughter] “Okay, Jenn.” She's like, “No, they'll have you read for these larger characters, but you could end up getting cast for a smaller role. It’s fine. Relax. You'll be--” I was like, “Okay. Good.” I was like, “I want Poopsie.” She's like, “I'm sure you'll be Poopsie if you even.” [audience laughter] She's like, “It sounds like a perfect role for your first venture into this,” because she's a seasoned thespian at 14. 

 

So, it is the fateful day where they're going to post that final cast list. We all gather. We're waiting for the director, who is the band teacher, to post the cast list on the auditorium doors. And me, Megan and Kristin, the twins are eagerly waiting. And the crowd starts to part. I see people starting to look at me, which was not normal. I was awkward, I like to blend in. So, I start, obviously, at the bottom of the cast list, because that's me. I'm like, “Poopsie, my girl, she's down here.” And I see Poopsie, Lauren Wilkinson. I'm like, “Well, that's not me. Who's this?” 

 

I continue looking up the list, and then I finally get to the very top, Babe Williams, next to it is Meredith Morrison and I start sobbing. The band director thought I was so overwhelmed with just like how excited I was. She comes over, she's like, “Oh, you're a babe. How do you feel?” I was like, “I didn't want the lead. I just wanted Poopsie.” [audience laughter] And she's like, “This is not the reaction I was thinking you were going to have.” And she was like, “You know what? Go home, think about it, and then come back tomorrow and let me know if this is something you really want to do.” 

 

So, I go, of course, to my sister's room. I open the door, and she's waiting for me every single time. She's like, “So, was it posted?” And I said, “It was” and then I start crying. And she's like, “Oh, you didn't make it? You didn't get in?” I go, “No, Jenn, I got the lead.” She's like, “What? [audience laughter] The lead? [audience laughter] Babe?” And I was like, “Yes, I'm going to be playing Babe.” And she was like, “Okay. All right.” She's like, “Well, where's your script?” And I was like, “Jenn, I don't know if I want to do it.” And she was like, “Think about it.” And I did. I looked at her, I was like, “You know what? I don't want to do it, but I think I have to.” 

 

And so, on opening night, I had my Britney Spears mic I'm very excited about. And the curtain opens and I walk out to start the play. I look out into the audience and I see Jenn, my toughest critic, sitting front row with a bouquet of flowers ready to congratulate me. Thank you.