Tricia Rose Burt - How to Act Like a Lady

 

When I was in the sixth grade, at some point during the school year, I started to wear my bright red raincoat to school every day. I wore it all day long, inside class and outside class, rain or shine. I wore that raincoat for days until my teacher finally asked me why I kept wearing my raincoat all the time. I was so ashamed by my answer, because I wasn’t supposed to be talking about this kind of subject. And so, I leaned down to her and I whispered, “I wear my raincoat every day, because I don’t have any bosoms.” [audience chuckle] 

 

You see, I didn’t have anybody to talk with about my changing body, or in my case, my not changing body. Mama and her generation of Southern women were raised that it was impolite to talk about female body issues. It wasn’t ladylike. In fact, it was shameful. There were some words that they couldn’t even say. They’d say things like, “Darlin’, we’re so glad that Nancy had her [whispers] period, because we’re so afraid that she was going to be [whispers] pregnant.” [audience laughter] All I know, if it wasn’t for that movie that we saw in Girl Scouts, I would have had no idea what was happening with my body. I’m pretty sure we only saw that movie, because our troop leader was from Wisconsin. [audience laughter] 

 

So, in addition to not being able to talk about basic bodily functions, there were lots of other criteria for acting like a lady. Some of them made sense, and some of them were pretty restrictive. So, it was okay to be pretty, but you couldn’t be sexy. It was inappropriate to flaunt your body or whatever you might be doing with it. So, at my wedding, at my reception, I’d been there for about 10 minutes. Mama starts chasing me to cut the cake and dance the first dance. She’s pushing me to wrap things up, and she’s driving me nuts. I don’t know what she’s doing, so I say to my sister, I’m like, “Why is Mama in a hurry for me to leave?” And my sister says, “Tricia, Mom is afraid if you’re not in a hurry to leave, like every new bride should be, that all of her friends will know that you’ve done it.” [audience laughter] And that brings up possibly the biggest criteria for acting like a lady, a lady makes sure that everyone feels comfortable.

 

In my family, women come out of the womb knowing that their first priority is making sure that everyone feels comfortable. We are in permanent hostess mode. This isn’t just physically comfortable. This is emotionally comfortable. You never want to upset anyone. So, even if that includes repressing something you may want to do or say, because a lady doesn’t cause trouble. 

 

Now, I didn’t have a very good honeymoon, and I didn’t have a very good marriage, so I got divorced [audience chuckle] and I moved over to Ireland. [audience laughter] Just worked out that way. So, I moved over to Ireland to jumpstart my life. After a year of being in Ireland, I am the happiest I have ever been. I’m leading life on my own terms. I’m writing and painting, having left a business career behind. I’m dating a man who is seven years younger than I am with a ponytail. [audience laughter] I am rapidly running out of money. 

 

I don’t have a work permit, so I can’t get a real job. And so, I keep looking for these cash under the table positions. I see a poster for an artist model, and I think this is great. The money’s good. The class is nearby. I’ve been to art school. I’ve drawn from the model loads of times. I know exactly what you have to do as an artist model. And one of the things you have to do is model nude, which in some circles may be considered flaunting your body. But I’ve been to art school, and so I know that artist models are not viewed in a judgmental or sexual way. They’re just a series of lines and shapes, tone and shadow. Artists draw from the model to hone their craft, like musicians practicing their scales. 

 

And in my experience, there’s a sacred contract between artists and models. Models help artists become better artists, and so they’re respected. Now, I know all of this intellectually as I go into my first modeling gig wearing this long, dark green silk robe I bought at Neiman Marcus a couple years ago, back when I had a different life that included money. When the time comes, I step onto the riser, I drop my robe, I’m standing there completely nude. And on the outside, what the students see as me is a very confident model, gracefully moving between poses of varying lengths. And on the inside, in my mind, there’s these old tapes of ladylike behavior playing in my head, and I’m thinking, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, what am I doing? What I’m doing? I’m standing here butt-naked in front of total strangers. [audience chuckle] 

 

But no one’s judging me. They’re just drawing. I’m actually really pretty good at this. And so, this becomes a permanent gig. And over time, I feel really comfortable with my body and what I’m doing with it. And then, Mama comes to town. [audience laughter] One night, I say to her, “Mom, I have to go to work.” And she says, “Well, what do you do for work?” Now, Mama has been a real trooper as she’s watched my life careen off the path that she thought I would lead. But I just think if I tell her that I’m modeling nude, this just might be the thing that pushes her over the edge. So, I think about not telling her, and then I think, you know, I’m an adult. I need to be able to tell her what I’m doing with my body. I think it’s time to change this dynamic. And so, I say, “Well, Mama, I’m a nude model.” 

 

There’s this long pause as the reality sets in. She looks at me bewildered and says, “Honey, do you do it for the money?” Like I’m a prostitute or something. [audience laughter] And I say, “Yes, I do model for the money.” But I explained to her that I’m just a series of lines and shapes. She relaxes a bit, but I can tell she’s really glad I’m doing this in Ireland, and none of her friends have to find out. Back in the States, it is my 15th college reunion at Vanderbilt University. All of my friends are there, including a lot of my sorority sisters, and we used to dress in pink and green and drink wine spritzers, and now they’re raising children and building families and they want to know what I’m up to. I’m a little nervous to tell them, because I’m not entirely sure how they’re going to react. But I think I told Mama I’m on a roll. So, I say, “Well, you know, I’m a nude model.” 

 

One of my friends says, “Tricia, I am more interested, because I know you.” [audience laughter] And another friend says, “You not only dropped your clothes, you dropped your baggage.” They look at me like I’m a rock star, like I have found the cure for cancer. I begin to feel so evolved. And I think, I have got this. I have got this all figured out. I have broken this age-old cycle of ladylike behavior. I can say the words period and pregnant. I can stand nude in front of total strangers and be comfortable with that. I do not have to follow other people’s rules for me. I can lead my life. My life, and it’s going to be great. 

 

In Ireland, I have modeled so much, and I get this great reputation of being a good model, and so I begin to model in front of professional artists, not just students. One of them recommends me for this gig. There’s this British art director who’s in town working on a film that Anjelica Huston is directing. He wants to do a birthday card for her using the female figure, and I get recommended. And I am thrilled. I think, oh my gosh, my nude image is going to be in front of an Oscar winner. I mean, this is like my break. All of my bravery has paid off in this amazing way.

 

So, I go to the art director’s apartment and I knock on the door and he says, “Come on in.” I go inside and I immediately know that something is off. For one thing, he’s finishing off a bottle of wine in the middle of the afternoon. And for another thing, the TV set is blaring. I think, how can you draw from the model when you’re getting drunk and watching TV at the same time? It doesn’t feel very sacred or respectful. I start to get this really unsettling vibe. And my gut is saying, “Get out of there now.”

 

But then, these really old tapes start playing in my head about ladylike behavior. And I think, well, I don’t want to say anything that will hurt his feelings. I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. So, I start to talk myself out of what my instincts are telling me. I rationalize, well, maybe getting drunk and watching TV is just part of this guy’s creative process. I take off my clothes, I step up on the riser, I’m standing there completely nude. And the pose he wants me to hold is one where I’m standing there with my legs apart and my hands over my head in a V, like I’m in a mid-jumping jack pose. I cannot be more exposed or vulnerable. And on his mantle, I see at least 10 not particularly good drawings of women holding this exact same pose.

 

It’s clear he doesn’t want to draw from the female figure. He just wants to look at naked ladies. I get really, really scared. I begin to calculate how long it can take me to get to the door, and I start to look for other exits. I’m planning an escape route all the while I’m standing there holding this mid jumping jack pose. And then, he says, not me, he says, “This isn’t working.” I put my clothes on and I’m heading for the door and he says, “Hey, do you want to see your drawing?” I go, “Okay.” I look at this not particularly good drawing and he says, “Well, I raised your breast, so you would look better.” 

 

And for a moment, I am that eleven-year-old girl, ashamed in my raincoat. Then I’m offended, then I’m outraged and then I remember how scared I am and I just get the heck out of there. I never modeled again. And it’s not because that guy scared me, although I was really lucky. He was just a creep and not a criminal. I never modeled again, because I scared myself. I had put myself in a potentially dangerous situation, because I didn’t want to hurt the feelings of some man I didn’t even know. It was time for me to redefine what it meant to act like a lady for me, which started with saying what needed to be said, no matter who felt uncomfortable. Thank you.