Linda King - Hildy's Husband's Wake

 

Well, good evening, all. You know, it may be hard for some of you to believe, but I love a good wake. [audience laughter] Funerals, not so much. Too much standing and kneeling and moaning and mumbling, but a good wake. You walk in, you sign the book at the back, you proceed to the front, you offer your sympathy to those on the first row. You view the deceased for maybe 15 seconds or so, turn around and proceed to the rear, where you get to catch up with all the people you haven't seen since the last wake. [audience laughter] 

 

Now, I was parked across the street from Macken's Funeral Home in Island Park. Their lot did not have one single space available. They're the kind of place that has two, maybe three rooms, and they can have multiple bereavements at the same time. I was here, because my friend Hilda's husband had died. Now, notice I said died, not passed. People die. Kidney stones pass, [audience laughter] if you're lucky. 

 

Now, I didn't know Hilda's husband. I had never met him. I wouldn't have known him had I tripped over him. [audience laughter] But I knew her. She was a friend. I think that the rituals of death are largely for the comfort of the living. So, anyhow, I walk into the lobby and there she is sitting by herself. I walked up to her, and we spoke for a couple of minutes. She said that the reason she was out there in the lobby was that his wake was so full of people, particularly his family, and it was getting very emotional and it was getting very warm in there, and she just needed some air to clear her mind a bit. So, we chatted again. She proceeded to move off down the center aisle to join her family mourners. 

 

I, in the meantime, wandered around the lobby picking up the flyers, the business cards. I was, one time, at a moratorium in Queens where they actually had postcards for you to pick up and send to somebody. What do you write on a postcard from a moratorium? [audience laughter] So, I moved to the rear, also went into the room on the right and signed the book, moved slowly to the front, expressed my condolences to the folks on the first row, although I didn't know any of them and proceeded to view the deceased. 

 

Now, I'm a woman of a certain age, retired. Some people might say settled, but they'd be wrong. [audience laughter] Hilda was maybe 10 years, 15 years my junior. And this fella lying in the casket was 20 years younger than her. [audience laughter] I thought to myself, go on, girl. Do your thing. [audience laughter] Do your thing.” So, as I'm standing there respectfully for my 10 seconds or 15 seconds, [audience laughter] someone approaches me and it's a man about my own age. And he says to me, “Mrs. King, did you know him from the group?” And I said, “Well, to tell the truth, I didn't know him at all. I'm a friend of his wife, Hilda’s.” The gentleman looked at me, sort of knit his brow, pursed his lips and said, “Mrs. King, my son was not married.” 

 

Audience: [00:05:06] [gasps] what? 

 

Linda: [00:05:08] And he looked at and he said, “I think you're in the wrong room.” [audience laughter] Well, he looked at me and I looked at him and we started to snicker. [audience laughter] Then it turned into giggles. Before it got to a raucous chuckle, I said to him, “You know, I think I'd better move to the rear. It doesn't look right for the father of the deceased and some strange woman to be standing over the casket laughing.” [audience laughter] So, he thanked me for having made the situation a little lighter. I did slide right to the back, across the hall to Hilda's husband's wake. Thank you.