Mike Maloch - High Above Ground

 

Hey, y'all. So, six years ago, my company asked me to spend a month on the road performing tall bridge inspections. These are bridges that are too tall for us to inspect with a ladder, and so we use an under-bridge truck. You may have seen this before, it's a truck that sits on top of the bridge. It has a bucket lift on the back. But instead of this bucket lift going straight in the air, it can go out, down and beneath the bridge. The bridges that we were going to inspect were anywhere from 50ft to 150ft in the air. So, as a scary comparison, this is like being a window washer on an eight-story building. 

 

This was a big problem for me, because not only am I afraid of heights, but I'm afraid of most marginally extreme activities someone can do. [audience laughter] I've been this way my whole life. And so, you growing up, little kid birthday parties were a problem for me. I wouldn't ride roller coasters. So, when my friends were riding roller coasters, I would be on the ground at a bench just watching their bags. [audience laughter] You know those little kid obstacle courses where you climb up a rope net and then crawl through a plastic tube and then climb up another rope net? 

 

At some point, I'd be high enough off the ground where I'd become paralyzed and my mom would have to crawl in and come carry me out. [audience laughter] which Is hysterical because this being afraid of everything. Things are hereditary. And she was probably more afraid of that rope course than I was. [audience laughter] But the worst party by far were the laser tag parties. And because you can't skip them and there's no moms to carry me out, [audience laughter] and I would get locked in a dark room with confined spaces, and tripping hazards and then lasers flying past my head. [audience laughter] I hope you all can appreciate that by me agreeing to go on this inspection trip. It was a big deal. 

 

My first day, I showed up, and there are three people who make this trip go. There's me, the bridge inspector, who's afraid of everything. [audience laughter] There's my coworker, Bernie, who's a grizzled bridge inspection veteran who fears nothing. And then there's the guy in the truck. I forget his name, but I'll call him Gary. His job is just to stay in the truck. And if something goes wrong, he's got our back. He's there for us. 

 

On my first day, Gary told me that it was his first day on the job. [audience laughter] And so, I had a little panic attack before I could even conquer any fear of heights. But the first week went pretty well. I got better with the heights. I also got better with the rocking motion on the bucket. I never was quite able to take both hands off the railing while I was inspecting, but I could get one hand off. 

 

Usually, I have one panic attack a day, something small, be it the wind or if the truck was making noises. But Bernie would calm me down and things were going well. There was one day, and we were at the best part of the day. This is the part of the day where we're done inspecting the bridge, and we are able to now maneuver the bucket out from underneath the bridge, back on top of the bridge going from where I'm hanging off the side of a bridge to where I'm safe on top of the bridge. I look forward to this every day, because it means I've survived the day, I'm alive. [audience laughter] 

 

Bernie, he's operating the bucket. We are getting closer and closer to that point where I know I've made it. We're maybe one to two feet from the bridge and the bucket stops. I look at Bernie, because he's my pillar of strength during these times. I implore him to keep on going, because we're almost there. [audience laughter] And Bernie is pressing the lever that makes this bucket move and it's not going anywhere. So, y'all, this is where Gary comes in the picture. He's got our back. [audience laughter] I can see him. And Gary yells to us, “I don't know what's wrong.” [audience laughter]

 

And besides falling out of this bucket to my death, this is my biggest fear. We are stuck on the bucket. I go in full meltdown mode. I am just holding onto the side of the bucket. I don't hear anything. I'm just staring off on the horizon. We are about 90ft in the air, mind you. I can look down. I can see like a picturesque stream. I can see trees, but they're really far down. [audience laughter] During this time where I was not with it, I guess Bernie and Gary decided that the best course of action. Now, mind you, we are one, two feet away from the bridge. So, we're just going to open up the door in the bucket and we're going to step from the bucket to the bridge. [audience laughter] It's a small step, really small. But y'all, it is so far down. [audience laughter] 

 

It took a while to convince me that this was a good idea. [audience laughter] I made Bernie go first, because he would reach out his hand to me, I'd grab his hand. I didn't look down. It was far. [audience laughter] I looked at Bernie, took a deep breath, and I took my pretty small step, but still a big step onto the bridge and I was safe. And as soon as I stepped off that bucket, I vowed I would never go back in there again. 

 

Next morning at 08:00 AM, I got right back into that bucket. [audience laughter] This story continued for the rest of that month and I survived. When I look back on this experience, I try and think of what lessons I could learn about either the experience or myself. And the answer is, I learned absolutely nothing. [audience laughter] I already knew that I belong in one place, and that's with my feet on the ground. Thank you.