Jon Goode - Hey Buddy

 

This is The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. And I'm Jon Goode. Our next story of the unexpected comes to you not from Louisville. Not from Louisville, but from Louisville, Kentucky, in The Muhammad Ali Center. It involves a car breaking down, a rider getting picked up and an unforeseen turn of events. It's all told to you by Jon Goode. Wait a minute, that's me. Part of being a host for The Moth live shows is sometimes having to tell a story yourself. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

So, here I am, live at The Moth. 

 

So, do you mind if I tell you a quick story from my life? So, in this life of mine, I am hired mainly a lot, to go out on the road and perform poetry at colleges, right? Seems like a crazy thing for someone to hire you to do. But they do. They hire me to do it. And so, I was hired by this school in West Virginia. Anybody here from West Virginia? Fantastic. This is going to work out. Just you, sir. Don't listen. All right. [audience laughter] I'm just kidding. It's going to work out. Trust me. 

 

So, I was hired by the school in West Virginia. And if you're unfamiliar with West Virginia, I will just let you know that West Virginia is not entirely known for its people of color. It's not what they lead with. They're not like, you know, West Virginia, also West Wakanda. It's not how they do it. [audience laughter] It's not how they do it. And spoiler alert. I'm a black guy. [audience laughter] I know. Shocking, right? Shocking. So, they wanted me to come out to West Virginia and do this show at this college. They sent the check, I cashed the check, I figured I should show up. 

 

 So, I jump in my car and I'm driving to West Virginia. And all is going well. I crossed the West Virginia state line, and softly in the back of my mind, the tune of dueling banjos begins to play. [audience laughter] I ignore it. Keep on driving. And about 10 mile, 15 miles later, my engine in the car starts to lay down the most wonderful hip-hop beat. It's like, “Ooh-ooh-hu. Ha-huh-hu,” which is wonderful if it's a Drake song, but not good if it's your car. So, I pulled over to the side. And by pulled over to the side, I careened over to the side, because I lost power. And then, I did what you're supposed to do as a man. I popped the hood. [audience laughter] I popped the hood. Cause as a man, you're supposed to pop the hood. 

 

Now, I don't know anything that's going on under the hood of a car. [audience laughter] As far as I know, there are hamsters on wheels making this thing go. [audience laughter] I don't know. But they say you're supposed to pop the hood, I popped it. So, I walked around, I lifted the hood. I'm not a mechanical genius of any sort, but the spark plug wire was on fire. [audience laughter] And I said, “That's the problem right there. There it is.” [audience laughter] So, I got a fire extinguisher. I put it out. I looked up, the sun was getting low in the sky. Dueling banjos was getting louder. 

 

Right around then, a truck driver who was pulling by, he pulled by and pulled over. He hopped out. Classic truck driver. Trucker hat, flannel shirts, some jeans, some boots. He came over, he said, “Hey, buddy.” And I said, “Hey, buddy.” He said, “What seems to be the problem?” I said, “Car broke down.” He says, “You mind if I look under the hood?” I said, “I think you have to.” [audience laughter] I think these are the rules. So, he looked under the hood, he saw that smoldering spark plug wire and he said, “That's your problem right there.” [audience laughter] And I said, “Look at the both of us, mechanical geniuses.” [audience laughter] He said, “Where you headed to, buddy?” So, I told him the school I was going to. He says, “I know that school. I'm driving right past that school. If you like to, I could give you a ride.” 

 

Now, I'm not sure if you are familiar with a genre of film known as horror, [audience laughter] but so many horror movies start with benevolent trucker offers stranded stranger a ride up the road. [audience laughter] But the sun was getting lower, dueling banjos was getting louder and I said, “I'm about to take my chances.” So, I hop in the truck and we're headed up the road. And all is good for 20, 30, 40 miles. Then he looks over and he says, “Hey, buddy.” And I said, “Hey, buddy.” He said, “I don't mean to sound racist or nothing.” [audience laughter] As you know, if someone starts with a I don't mean to sound a racist or nothing, the next thing you're going to hear is the most racist thing you've ever heard. It's like when someone says, “I'm not calling you stupid.” They are. They're calling you stupid. 

 

So, he said, “Hey buddy, I don't mean to sound racist or nothing. But I was watching this documentary on CNN called Black in America. There was this black guy on there, hosted and I swear you look just like that black guy.” Let me tell you two things I know to be true. Number one is, all black people do not look alike. [audience laughter] But the second thing I know to be true is, as it was so happened, I am the guy that hosted that thing on CNN. [audience laughter] So, I said, “I am the guy that hosted that thing on CNN.” He said, “What? Get out.” I said, “I will not get out, but I am the guy that hosted that thing.” He said, “My wife's not going to believe this.” 

 

So, we rode up the road, we laughed, we had a good time, we got to the school, we jumped out, we took selfies and stuff. I'm sure he texted his wife like, “You won't believe who's in my truck. The black guy from CNN.” [audience laughter] She's texting back like, “That's not Don Lemon.” [audience laughter] But as he left, I had to think about, as a person who's often stereotyped, faced with so many biases in the world, I had to think about some of my own biases, some of the things that I've held onto maybe a bit too long and start deciding some of the things that it was time to let go. [audience cheers and applause] 

 

Jon Goode, aka Juan Bueno, aka Jean Bien, aka me, is an Emmy nominated writer whose most recent novel, Midas, has received 75 five-star ratings to date and was number one on Amazon for five weeks. I asked myself, “Jon, why would you try to drive to West Virginia in a car that looks like it could use some lotion as a check engine light that stays on so much that now it's just thought of as a night light and it clearly has trouble getting to the local Kroger and back.” I replied to myself, “Ignorance.” When I called my mom and told her about what had happened and how I was rescued, she said “God looks out for babies and fools.” She did not clarify which of the two I was.