Reina Bolds - Friends by Choice

 

 

So, I never thought I'd see the day my sister would go. Me and my sister, Brenda, did everything together. We wore the same clothes. Sometimes we liked it to coordinate. It was the same like blue jean shorts and purple shirt, because purple was her favorite color. Our favorite show to watch was SpongeBob. It was just something about the way SpongeBob and Patrick were best friends. It reminded us of how me and Brenda were sisters by chance, but always friends by choice. 

 

We loved each other so, so much. People would often say, “Me and Brenda were tied by the hip because of so much of the time we spent together.” I didn't disagree with that, but people would also tell me, “You know, Reina, one day, Brenda's going to leave you,” because she was two years older than me. And at the time, I really didn't care what they said, because there was never a time where Brenda did leave me, so I really undermined what they said and kept it going, because my sister would never go anywhere. 

 

And so, at the age of seven, I remember watching this basketball game. It was a woman's basketball game, college basketball, and it resonated with me so much. It was something about the way they were so strong, and fierce and how they played the game that made me want to play. 

 

And so, next thing I know, I'm telling my parents, “I think I want to play basketball.” And so, that's what I did. Because me and Brenda did everything together, she began playing basketball. That became our thing. We practiced all the time. We went outside. That's what we do. We loved basketball. But we never played on the same team, because like I said, Brenda was always two years older than me. It was okay, because we got to practice together. 

 

But when I hit my freshman year of high school, Brenda was a junior. Luckily, we went to the same school, so we got to play on the same basketball team. When I say, the first season I've ever played with my sister was the best season of my life, I mean it. I've played many, many basketball games from the age of seven, and I lost many basketball games, won many basketball games. But with her, win or lose, it was just so amazing. And so, everyone will congratulate us, because that happened to be one of our best seasons in our school when me and Brenda played together. 

 

Next year after that, I was a sophomore and Brenda was a senior. As soon as the season started, everyone would ask me, “Reina, how does it feel that Brenda is going to leave you for college?” I was just confused. I was like, “What do you mean? She's not going anywhere.” [audience laughter]  Because once again, I never, ever had a moment where Brenda would leave me. It was just that never occurred to me that would happen. And so, when they said it, I felt angry. I was like, “Why would you ever say that to me?” I just thought they were jealous or they were just making it up, because she couldn't leave me.

 

And so the year goes by, and we play another spectacular basketball season, and everyone's congratulating us. We make it to our first playoff game. It was a very, very interesting game. We ended up winning by three points. It was a beautiful thing. Our team was so happy, and that was another game I got to play with Brenda. 

 

And so, our second playoff basketball game. Brenda woke up that morning, and she was like, “Reina, it's okay if we don't play another basketball game. I just want you to know like playing basketball was something that I will always cherish and I will never, ever forget this time with you.” I looked at her, and I'm like, “What is she talking about?” [audience laughter] 

Like, “She's not going anywhere. Why is she making this such a sentimental thing?” And so, I go to school with the same attitude, thinking, Brenda's not going anywhere. People are coming up to me saying, “Reina, how does it feel? Brenda's leaving?” I'm so irritated. So, I'm like, “Why do they keep coming up to me saying the same thing, and nothing's going to happen. Brenda is not going anywhere.” 

 

And so, we get to the lunchroom, ready to depart the school to go to our game, and there Brenda comes up to me again, and she's giving me another big hug and she's like, “Reina, I want you to know, win or lose, I really, really appreciated this time with you. I'll never forget, no matter how far I go.” I'm like, “Brenda, you're not going anywhere. Why is this a thing? Why are people telling me she's leaving? This is crazy.” 

 

And so, we get to the game, and we get to the gym and the stakes are already high. As soon as we get there, the crowd is full, and there are people looking at us, already trash-talking us, because we had lost five games and they were undefeated. So, we were intimidated, and they were not intimidated at all, but they thought they were going to win. 

 

And so, warming up, the mood is just different on my team. We had a very spectacular team that year. Our chemistry was right on. We played as a team, always. And so, when I saw the mood was different, I was like, “Something's off.” Everybody's smile is a little different. The way they're talking is a little different. The way we're warming up is a little different. That's when it occurred to me that this was going to be Brenda's last game, if we lost. 

 

And so, I stood there in a layup line just looking, and I was completely quiet, and I was just looking at Brenda, smiling and looking at her enjoy herself. That's also when I realized, like, “This had to be the game where I had to really shed blood, sweat and tears for my sister,” because if we lost this game, I'd be losing Brenda. She'd be going off to college before I knew it, and that would be the end for us. 

 

And so, the game starts. There's pushing, there's shoving, there's yelling. There might have even been a little trash talking. Not for me though. [audience laughter] Everybody's really playing their hardest game. The other team thought this was going to be an easy game, considering we lost a fair share of games, but it wasn't. By the time, there are 30 seconds left in this game, we're up by three and I'm like, “Yes.” My chest is hurting, my heart is beating and I'm like, “We won this game. And Brenda gets to stay another game. I get to play another game with my sister.” I'm so overjoyed. I'm running around, and we're all smiling, we're cheering. And then, all of a sudden, I look at the clock board again and we're down by three. There's 15 seconds left in the game and I'm like, “We have to win. I have no choice. If we lose this game, I lose Brenda. I cannot let that happen.” 

 

And so, I go in for a layup and I get fouled. The thing about me is, I don't work well under pressure at all. [audience laughter] Like I said, the crowd was full. There's people yelling. They're like, “You're going to miss.” And I'm like, “Maybe I will, but I'm not going to show you that.” And so, I get to the foul line and I turn around, I see Brenda. She's like, “Reina, you got this. Take a deep breath. You can do it.” I look at the bench, and my coach, and my team is and they're like, “Reina, you got it. Just take a deep breath.” And so, the ref passes me the ball. I take a deep breath. I look at the big red numbers, the big red 15 on the time clock, and I look at the big red rim, and I look up and I'm like, “I can do it.” 

 

My hands are sweating. My heart is beating. I take a deep breath like everyone said, and I shoot and I miss. And I was like, “How did I do that? Everything is on the line here. How could I possibly have missed this foul shot for my sister?” But I didn't give up. I was like, “Maybe if I make the second one, somebody in my team can make a layup, they can shoot and we could win. Maybe it could be a tie. Maybe we could be draw. Maybe we go into overtime.” I'm thinking of all the possibilities that I could have another game with my sister. 

 

And so, when I get the ball for the second time, I'm like, “This is the second chance that have to make sure me and Brenda have another game to play.” So, I take that deep breath and I close my eyes, I open them, I look at the rim, I look at the big red numbers, I look at Brenda. I dribble once, and I shoot and I miss. And then, I look at my team and everyone's scrambling for the rebound and I'm like, “I have to get in there too.” So, I try to keep going and I try to keep playing. But before I know it, time is out. I hear the buzzer beater. The other team is cheering and my team is just like, “It's okay.” They're happy for the run that we had. Brenda runs up to me and she's like, “Reina, you played great.” And I'm like, “How could she say that to me when I missed our only chance to play together again?” And in that moment, I was like, “I lost her. I lost the game and I lost Brenda.” That was hard. 

 

And then, at the end of that year, Brenda went off to college. She ended up going to Cornell, which is really good. [audience laughter] The other day I went to go see her. One of the first things we did was play basketball. It was with that same smile that she had, with the same fierceness. We never end a game, because there's always arguments, and that's a foul and you miss. But we always love playing together and that's what we did. The same feeling that I had when I played with her on the court for our last game was the same feeling I had when I played with her at the court of Cornell. That's when I realized that no amount of distance could ever take away the friendship that me and my sister have. Thank you.

 

[cheers and applause]