Primah Kwagala - First Love

 

Thank you. So, my name is Primah Kwagala. Primah means first in Latin and Kwagala is drawn from our traditions in Uganda. It means love. Directly translated, it's first love. I am the first child of my parents. I had a happy childhood. My parents loved me. Many times, I tell people that I must be my parents’ favorite. I used to walk out with my dad for outings. He visited me so many times even when I moved into boarding school. Even when I got to university, I walked arm in arm with my dad. It was weird, because everyone wanted to be independent at the university, but I came with my dad. 

 

Growing up, my dad was really nice to us. He would come back by 05:00 PM to tell us stories, riddles about our culture and traditions. Even when went to some of the best schools in Uganda, my dad insisted that we must speak our traditional language. We would not speak English back home. Well, some people look at it as a privilege. I remember particularly something I picked as a child, my dad told me that “When addressing men, you need to look at them straight in their eyes. If you're shaking their hands, make it a firm handshake.” So, I grew up strong, and firm and confident at quite an early age. 

 

However, my world changed when I was about 9 or 10. In the year 1997 on the 24th of December, as is tradition during Christmas season, we go back to the village in the countryside and we pack up all our Sunday best clothes, all of our food and just go out there to celebrate with our grandparents, aunties and uncles and everyone else. So, it's a really good time, because as a child, you're looking forward to playing and learning new games and sharing what you learned from the school year and your report cards. And you don’t get all of these applause from everyone. 

 

So, when we got in the village, towards the evening, we’re supposed to go and join the rest of the extended family for dinner and also go through what would be happening on the 25th, if at what time we would take breakfast, go to church and all, and I heard from some of my cousins that my dad was going to introduce a new mother to us. Please understand that polygamy is legal in Uganda, and some of my relatives had several wives, but not my dad. You also need to understand that my dad was relatively wealthy, but my mom had five girls. He needed an heir, someone to take after him and inherit his property. In our culture, a girl cannot inherit property. 

 

So, I was confused. We have a new mother. My parents are an educated lot. What does that mean? I didn't know how my mom would take it. There's a bit of tension. So, when it got to dinner time, my mom asked us to get into her house, she closed the house and gave us strict instructions not to open the door. Well, we had not eaten. We had traveled a long way. I mean, we can't speak to our cousins. We won't see their dresses. What's this? 

 

Anyway, I was sleeping in my room. That night, she turned out all the lights. I could hear her pacing in the hallway to the front door. My room was just adjacent to the front door. And I was wondering, what's going on? But I know I could brush it off and be like, “Okay, my mom is born again. She is a very radical Christian. So, she was, in my opinion, I thought she was praying and casting out demons, making sure that the other lady does not make it to our doorstep.” Faith in action, strongly doing that. [audience laughter] 

 

So. I kept wondering, what's going on? But my baby sisters went to sleep, and I just kept hearing her moving in the hallway. Eventually, at about, I think, a little after 09:00 PM, my dad and his army of brothers, he had lots of them because my grandfather had about six wives as well, so there were very many brothers. They came towards our home with their new wife. I think they were escorting him to usher in his wife into the home. 

 

And when they approached the front door, my dad pounded the door, “Open the door.” He started screaming. My mom was quiet. Now in the dead of the night, everyone is quiet. I was wondering, what's going to happen? “Open the door,” he kept screaming. No sound. So, his brothers joined in, screaming, “Joy, open that door. Open that door.” She couldn't open. Then he moved to my window, my room, and tapped and called out, “Primah, Primah, can you open the door?” So, I got up and went to the door. 

 

And just as soon as I was about to clutch the doorknob, my mom shouted, “Primah, do not open that door.” I was mortified. I didn't know what was out there, for it was dark. My mom was tough and the bad cop in the home. If I did anything, I wasn't sure what was going to happen to me, and didn't know what was happening to my dad out there. So, I was just stuck and confused between the door and my parents exchanging [unintelligible 00:22:11]. 

 

Well, my dad had the shout at me from outside. And alongside his brothers, they burst into the door and broke it open and got in. They had a very bitter exchange. I was just looking. My dad had his brothers with him and they were, of course, cheering him. My mom was just crying. I remember clearly my dad telling my mom that, “This is my home. I can do what I want. If you do not want to stay, pack your bags and leave.” And my mom kept saying, “I contributed to this wealth. I contributed to the construction of this house. What becomes of me?” And he said, “You can take the roof and leave.” I was in shock. I had never seen my dad angry. I had never seen my dad express so much frustration and anger. 

 

And the next day, we packed our bags and left. He didn't come after us. Today, almost two decades later, I'm a human rights lawyer and I've specialized in strategic litigation, which involves providing free legal services and challenging systems. I looked at the system of patriarchy and how it has envisioned women in our community as less than the men, as having men being entitled and the men not so-- I have devoted my work and career towards supporting women to access justice in our community. Thank you.