Tahmin Ullah - Finish Strong

 

Hi, everyone. So, since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be strong. The idea of having muscles was just amazing to me. A lot of the women in my family were like, "Whoa, you are crazy." But I was always suppressed from my dreams, because where I am from, girls were raised to be married and not really have an education. But my mother, she always wanted me to have an education. And also, get married too, but education first. But I do not really care about marriage at all, [chuckles] to be honest.

 

Not just that, but my mom also had a dress code. She taught me to always cover up. I did not really always like that. It never fit for me. So, I have always been kept indoors. I never had the freedom as a kid to go outside and play in the park like most kids do. My mom just gets scared that maybe I will get lost or something. 

 

But anyways, I had an idea in my head when I was about 13, like, I want to do a sport. I want to be athletic. But would my mom allow that? No, she would not. [audience laughter] No, she would not. She would say things like, "You know, men are going to look at you when you are running around and you are wearing shorts." Hearing those things always really hurt my heart, because I strongly believe that she is wrong. But she strongly believes that she is right. [chuckles]

 

So, one day, I am at Hunter, and I am at the athletic room and I see pictures of strong, athletic women, like, sweating. They look determined and they look exhausted, but they look like, “I have to do this.” I see these women and I know that is me. It’s my third year in college. I thought to myself, I kept myself inside for way too long. I have to do something that makes me who I am, because I am tired of not being me. So, I joined track. [audience chuckle] 

 

I kept it a secret for a while. In the beginning, it was brutal. Every single day, I felt like I was dying. [audience laughter] I was always the last girl to finish the race. My coach would yell like, "Oh, for this girl, two minutes, three minutes." And then, when I am coming in, he would yell, "Five minutes." [audience laughter] I am exhausted. But all the other girls on the team pat me on the back, because they know that I just started and this is new and it's hard. 

 

So, one day, I'm coming home from track and I'm passing by my mom's room. She calls me over. My mom, she's sitting on her bed and she looks pretty tired and calm. She makes me sit down on the bed, and she asks me like, “Are you doing track?” My stomach turned. I just decided to tell her the truth, because I didn't want to hide anymore. I'm tired of hiding. And I said, “Yes.” There was a really long pause. She wouldn't even look at me in the face. And she said, “You're going down the wrong path.”

 

I could have argued with her, like I've argued with her my whole life, but I knew that she will stick with her beliefs just as much as I will stick with mines and I just left the room. So, whenever I go to practice, I would always remember that my mom doesn't want me here. And then, I would question, why am I here? Why am I putting myself through all this pain? Why go and do this and feel like I'm going to throw up [chuckles] after a run and be last and suck too? [chuckles] But every time I finish a race, I feel good about myself. I feel stronger every day. I can feel my legs getting stronger. 

 

I would run just four blocks and I would get exhausted. But then I pushed myself to go, "Okay, go one mile. Now, go two miles.” I'll double that, “Try it." And the longest I ever did was six. I'm just so amazed at myself. [audience laughter] Whenever I'm running and I feel like, maybe I should stop halfway because I can't do it, I tell myself, "No. Don't insult yourself like that. You can do it." And then, I would hear all the voices of the people that I love and they would say like, "Go, Tahmin, go. You're almost finishing this. Finish strong. Always finish strong." 

 

I have people in my life that's waiting for me at the finish line, waiting to hug me. That's why I do it. I'm never going to stop. I'm always going to fight, because I want to love myself. It doesn't matter how slow or how fast you are, as long as you finish the race. Thank you.