Michael VonAllmen - Bucket List

 

I have issues with hate. I wasn’t raised to hate. I just found that hate was the emotion that you needed to survive in prison. If you didn’t hate when you walked through the gate onto the yard, it was taught to you right away. On one side of the prison would be Black folks, on the other side would be white folks. And you were told if you want to do the easiest bit possible, you would stay within your race. So, that’s where the hate started, was expressed in a racial way. But it didn’t take much time. Exposure to the guards in that prison regiment, and you come to hate them too.

 

It’s not long before you’re starting to hate everything and everybody. And that’s the way you start doing good time when you have everyone at their distance. It didn’t matter if you were innocent or guilty of the crime you were in there for. I was innocent of the crime I was in there for. I had nothing to do with this violent assault that I was accused of. But somehow, I landed in prison and was made to stay there. I spent 11 years trying to prove that I didn’t commit this crime. And finally, after 11 years and my fourth meeting with the parole board, they decided to give me the benefit of the doubt. So, with my hate, I took off on parole in Louisville.

 

When you release a prisoner, they’re not transitioning from convict to productive citizen, they’re transitioning into hate management, how to control that. That’s what I did. I learned to control it. I managed it for 16 years, became a husband, father, grandfather and just did my bit. I got back into life. The only thing missing was this exoneration, if it could ever happen. 

 

16 years goes by. I’m on parole. One day, I pick up the newspaper, and there’s a story in there about the Kentucky Innocence Project and how they had just received some grant money to investigate wrongful convictions. That’s what the Innocence Projects do. They investigate wrongful convictions and they’re dedicated to correcting the wrongs that people have been accused of. They take my case, and in no time, they uncover this incredible textbook example of mistaken identity. They found this serial rapist that looks identical to me.

 

So, after 11 years in prison, 16 years on parole, we present this to the courts, and without hesitation, the courts correct this wrong that I had been living with for 27 years. [clears throat] Remarkable. But the first year after I was exonerated, the Innocence Project, once a year, they have a conference where they invite all the attorneys and the folks involved and the exonerees and celebrate, hone their skills and-- [clears throat] So, the first year I’m invited to this conference. I get up and I meet these folks from across the country that have experienced the same thing, some wrongful conviction, and they’ve done decades and decades of time.

 

I walk into the conference, and the first thing I notice is how many Black Americans there are in this group of people. So, when I walked on the yard and they said, “Yeah, you got to stay in your race,” it was at that moment when I noticed how many Black folks were in there and people of color that I had to reconcile my hatred or whatever and had to let it go. I felt it dissolve right then. I go to another conference, and they got folks up there from the law enforcement community, another group that you just love to hate. And then, I reconciled with them.

 

This process of going to the conferences is such an emotional experience for me that I find that I’ve got a drive to them just to have that long drive back to process that emotion that I get from this conference. Two years ago, the conference was in San Diego, California. Man, I had a lot of time to sort things out. [audience laughter] [clears throat] But on the way out there, I noticed how close I am to the Grand Canyon. So, while I’m loving this exoneration thing, now I get to make a bucket list, move here and stop at the Grand Canyon. It’s not that far out of the way. So, yes, I’m going to stop at the Grand Canyon. [coughs] Go to the conference, it’s over with. I beeline for the Grand Canyon, taking it all in. And, man, just life is super.

 

You just don’t know how good life can be. I’m taking it in. I’m riding down the road. I’m on my last day of the trip, and I just cross into Missouri. As I come over this hill, I notice there’s two state troopers in the middle of the median. As I approached them, they had just entered their conversation with one another, and now they’re pulling off and going up the interstate, one in each direction. I get about a mile down the road, the cop comes by me, along with all the other traffic that I’m riding with. I got the cruise control on, so I know I’m not speeding or anything. 

 

But as he goes around us, all of a sudden, he slows down. I realize he’s got a target in mind, because he slips right in behind me. We ride for miles. I’m not speeding. I’m just cruising. But I finally come up on this car. I signal and I pass him. The cop signals and passes as well. Now, I don’t want to be accused of cutting this guy off, so I ride out a little ways. As I look in my mirror to see if it’s clear, the blue lights are on. So, I pull over. As the cop comes to the window, he says, “Let me see your driver’s license.” I hand it to him, and he says, “The reason I pulled you over is because in the state of Missouri, the passing lane is reserved for passing only.” And I said, “Well, I didn’t want to cut the guy off.”

 

And then, the cop snapped, “Sir, you had long passed that guy.” Hate was wanting to start, but reason made me comply. So, the next thing he says, “Where you headed to?” And I said, “I’m going to Louisville, Kentucky.” He says, “What are you going to do in Louisville?” I said, “Well, I live there.” Then he takes my driver’s license, looks at it, says, “Okay, where are you coming from?” I said, “Well, I just left a conference in San Diego, California.” He said, “Oh, a conference? What kind of work do you do?” “Well, I’m a plumber.” [audience laughter] 

 

When I said that, he gave me this look like, “Wait a minute, you didn’t drive no 2,000 miles for a plumbing convention. [audience laughter] You better come off with something better.” He didn’t say that, but I could read that in his face. So, I just throw, I say, “No. The conference was for attorneys and investigators.” He said, “Oh, you’re an attorney?” I said, “No, but I’ve needed one a time or two in my life.” [audience laughter] He just glared through me like, “You better come on with something.” So, I said, “Have you ever heard of the Innocence Project?” I expected that he had, but he said, “No, never. Never heard of.” I said, “Well, they’re a group of lawyers and investigators who was dedicated to wrongful convictions.” 

 

So, the truth of the matter is I was wrongly convicted. I ended up spending 11 years in a prison for a crime I didn’t do. And I said, “Can I show you something?” He said, “Yeah.” So, I picked my phone up and I showed him the pictures that I have that was of me, the composite drawing they used to arrest me. The actual perpetrator looked like two twins in a composite drawing. The cops stopped asking questions. I said, “Yeah, I was out there with dozens of guys who made my 11 years in prison look like I was away to summer camp.” 

 

He’s following me. And at that moment, he looks down and sees the pamphlets from the Grand Canyon. And he says, “I see him looking at the pamphlets.” I said, “Oh, yeah, I stopped at the Grand Canyon. You know, I was able to stop at the Grand Canyon and really enjoy the whole thing.” At that moment, he just shook his head, said, “Yeah, I’m hoping I get to see the Grand Canyon someday.” And with that, this object of hate turned into a human being.

 

I do pretty good with human beings and I fell right into character. I said, “Yeah, you didn’t see all that coming, did you?” [audience laughter] And he said, “No.” He said, “I feel for you, guy.” He said, “Here, take this. Have a safe trip home.” I took my driver’s license, I started my car, merged back onto the interstate and I felt no hate. Thank you.