Adam Wade - Another Saturday Night at the Clam King

 

I grew up in New Hampshire, During my high school years I had a tough time fitting in. I was on the golf team, but I was a reserve, so that means I never got to play. [audience laughter] I was in the marching band. But after freshman year, I was pulled aside by the supervisor, and he said, “You're not physically or mentally able to handle the rigors of marching band.” [audience laughter] 

 

I had friends I didn't have a lot, but I had a few. One of the few friends I had, he went by the nickname Fetus. So, popularity wise, like a scale 1 to 10, I was a 2. But on Saturday night, with the company I kept, I was a 10. Every Saturday night in high school, I would go out to eat with my grandmother and my great aunt, and I would pick them up in my mom's bright purple Mercury Cougar. When I was 16, that's when I got my license. And to them, I became a man because instead of them picking me up, I would pick them up. 

 

Yaya and Areti, both their husbands had passed. I'm Greek, so it was a Yaya and Areti. Both their husbands passed, they lived together and they worked in the Amoskeag shoe factories. And my Yaya, my grandmother, she made the shoes before she retired. She so much manual labor her hands, they look like potato skins. And Areti, she was more the Sophia Loren-esque of the two. She was a little more glamorous. She was a secretary, and she always had lipstick and high heels. So, I picked them up, and this particular night was in April of my junior year. I took them to their favorite restaurant, which was called the Clam King. It was a mom-and-pop fast food place. They liked it. The seafood is really good. They overcooked, but it was good. [audience laughter] 

 

So, we go and we order. They always order the fry scallops and the French fries and tartar sauce, and I would order just a cheeseburger because my stomach. [audience laughter] Once the waitress left, we would play this game. I was the eyes, and I would keep an eye on the waitress and then I would wink when she was gone, and either Yaya and Areti would steal the salt and pepper shakers. That was our game. They had a lot. They had 300 things of salt and pepper all over the house. But it was their thing. We loved doing it, and it was like, I wink and they do it. You'd hear the zip, and it was good, and mission accomplished. [audience laughter] 

 

“You did a good job.” I go, “Hey, you stole. It was good.” [audience laughter] And then, the food came and went right. These women, they love to eat. So, Yaya would just start and she would just attack. She would take a scallop and dip it in tartar sauce, stuffing in her mouth, and just like a robot. She'd forget to chew in her face, you just watch it expand. Where Areti, she just liked to look at the food a little. She'd watch the steam coming up from the French fries, and she'd put her hands over, a campfire and she'd be like, “Oh, they smell delicious.” And was like, “Okay,” and then they would start. 

 

And then this was the favorite part of the night for me. It's when they would start complimenting me. While we ate that, they would say like, “Oh, you got your haircut. Oh, looks good.” I was like, “Oh, thank you.” [chuckles] “How'd you do on your chemistry test?” I was like, “I got a 95.” And they're like, “Oh, you're so smart.” I was like, “Oh, come on.” [audience laughter] I appreciated-- They saw me the way I wanted to be seen. So, after we ate, we would do what we would always do, we would go to the cemetery to say hi to the dead relatives. [audience laughter] 

 

They never got out of the car. I would just have to drive the car as close to the gravestones as possible. [audience laughter] And they would go, “Hi, Ben.” “Okay, keep going.” And then we just keep driving. And then, we would go to McDonald's for milkshakes because the Clam King's milkshakes weren't up to par. And then, we would drive and we would take this ride past the airport. We'd always just drive by it. But they'd always say, “Come on, let's go to the airport. Let's watch a plane take off. Come on.” I'd be like, “Nah, nah, nah, let's not do that.” 

 

I don't know what their fascination was with planes. I never asked. But for me, I knew that the airport from rumors around school was, that's where all the cool kids parked. The social ramifications of me getting caught at the airport with Yaya and Areti, and come on, I was a two fetus, come on. Plus, my first time to actually go and park at the airport, my dream and hope was to actually go with a girl my own age. [audience laughter] But sadly at the time, girls my age didn't see me like that. So, they're begging. And then, on this particular night, I look and I can see there's no cars there and it's still really early. So, I'm like, “All right, let's go, let’s go.” They're like little kids, they're like, “Oh, yeah, you're the best boy. You're the best boy.” 

 

So, we pull in and we're waiting. It's a small airport, so we're waiting and waiting. I put the radio on. I put on the oldies station, The Doo Wop Shop on Saturday night. I put it loud enough, so they can hear it. I perfected this, but loud enough, they won't complain that it's too loud. We sit there, and we wait and we wait. And then finally, this little propeller plane pulls around and it's ready to take off. Yaya's in the front seat, and I put her hand in my hand and Areti's hand in the back. As it takes off over us in unison, we go like, “Whee.” And it's nice. It feels good. It feels good. We feel good. [audience laughter] I'm like, “All right. Now, it's time to get the hell out of here.” 

 

As I'm thinking that, Yaya looks over at me and she says, “I wonder if that plane's going to China. Do you think that plane's going to China?” I look at her, I'm like, “Yaya it's a small plane. Your guess is as good as mine. I don't know if it's going to China.” And Areti in the back seat, she starts cackling. She's like, “How the hell is he supposed to know if it's going to China?” And then she lights up a Pall Mall Menthol. She's had cancer, three times, but she just likes to have a few puffs and then she throws it out the window. And Yaya turns around and goes, “Keep smoking. Cancer has got you three times. One more time, you're going down. You're dancing with the devil. You're dancing with the devil.” And she's like, “It's a free country.” And she's like, “Well, good luck to you and the Red Sox.” [audience laughter] 

 

And then, whenever Areti ran out of things to say, she would go like that. I used to enjoy watching them fight. It was great entertainment. But then, I look up in the rearview mirror and I see the cars, and they're coming in now. It's like Volkswagen Jettas and Saabs, and they all have Central High Pride bumper stickers, and I'm screwed. I look to the left and this blue Suburban pulls up. It's the last car I want to see. It's SD. He's a senior, and he's not a nice guy but he's cool. His girlfriend Rachel, who looks like Dee Snider from Twisted Sister, [unintelligible [00:44:04], but she's cool again. 

 

They see the pimp mobile, and they're like, “Oh, my God. Adam waits here. Oh, my God, Wow, Adam, Adam, Adam.” And finally, I look over and I'm like, “What's up?” [audience laughter] They're like, “Adam, you stud, who you with?” Yaya leans over and says, “He's with his grandmother and Great Aunt Dia. What a beautiful night to watch the airplanes.” They start laughing, and then other cars start noticing and they're flipping the high beams, they're beeping the horn, they're screaming, Wade. I just start sweating and I don't know what to do. I've never been so embarrassed in my life. 

 

And then, Yaya looks over concerned, and she says, “What's wrong? Are you okay? Are you okay?” And I say, “No, I'm not okay.” And she's like, “What's wrong?” I go, “Don't you understand? I'm not who you think I am.” And they're like, “Well, what do you mean?” And I go, “Yeah, I'm a loser.” And she's like, “No, you're not.” She's like, “Why do you think that?” I go like, I snap and I say yeah, “I'm with you two on a Saturday night, and we're at Make-out Point. I'm a loser.” I start up the car, and we drive away in silence. I never yelled at them before like that, so this is all different. I'm shaking as I drive. 

 

We get back to their house. They start boiling water for hot chocolate. They start getting the poppycock. They start getting the Swiss fudge. I'm just sitting there watching them do this. They're not saying anything to me. And I have this shame now, because I've disappointed them. So, then it's 10 o'clock. It's time for The Commish. We always watch The Commish on Saturday nights at 10 o'clock. [audience laughter] It stars Michael Chiklis, and we're Greek and we support all the Greeks. We not a Nielsen family, but we're going to watch it. 

 

So, we sit on the love seat, and I'm between them, and we're eating and they're bigger, so I'm like sandwiched in. And then, there's a commercial. And again, it's really quiet, and I'm waiting for them to yell at me and they're not. So, I say, “I'll tell you one thing.” This Chiklis, I mean, he's just as good an actor as Telly Savalas and John Cassavetes. I mean, Greek actors, these guys, he's right up there. Yaya nods her head and she puts her hand through my hair, and she says, “You got such a nice haircut. He did such a good job.” And then, Areti puts her arm around me and says, “I hope you know you're the best boy. I hope you know.” 

 

So, that Monday I go to school, and It's a nightmare. SD's telling everybody I'm taking Yaya to the prom. [audience laughter] I don't need it. But I'm surprised it doesn't bother me as much as I thought it would. I just let it go. Now, Yaya and Areti have been gone for a few years now. And every time I go home, I find myself-- I go a couple times a year, I find myself in a car and I'm driving around and I always retrace that route. I'll go by the Clam King, I'll go by the cemetery, I'll go by their gravestones out of respect, “Hi, Yaya. Hi, Areti,” then I drive off. I go to McDonald's and then I drive by the airport. 

 

In the time since they've passed, I've tried to do everything I can to be the person they saw me as. I'd do anything to be able to go back and take them to the airport one more Saturday night. Thank you.