Stacey Bader Curry - A Perfect Match

 

So, on our fifth date, Dave and I walked the Silk Road, which was an exhibit at the Museum of Natural History in New York. On our previous dates, we'd been to a wine bar, a concert, a poetry SLAM, the zoo, everywhere except the one place I really wanted to go to bed. There was just like this weird disconnect between these mushy things Dave would see and write to me, and then this distance he was keeping. When we were done with the museum, I was done with this sadistic courtship crap, and I just wanted to go home. But then he said, “Do you want to go to Shake Shack?” And I said, “Fine,” because I love cheeseburgers. 

 

And so, we go to Shake Shack. It's crowded, and we have to wedge in close at this little counter space. He smells so good, and I'm falling in love with him and then he says, “There's something I have to tell you.” I want to throw a pickle in his face, because I am 38 years old, I am divorced, I have children and I now realize every single man I meet online has something they have to tell me. [audience laughter] So, I say, “What?” And he says, “Look, I'm really attracted to you, but I have this autoimmune disease, and it affects my bile ducts. I have an infection, and I've been walking around with a drain in my side and a bag of bile strapped to my leg, and it's not very sexy. I'll get these infections from time to time, because there's no cure for this disease. And eventually, I'll need a liver transplant.” All I heard from this, is that he was very attracted to me. [audience laughter] 

 

Dating is hard in New York, y' all. I did some quick mental tabulations to see if a wonky liver was a deal breaker. Yeah. No, it wasn't. [audience laughter] So, I leaned in to kiss him. But then, I had a really dark thought, and I said, “Hey, you're not dating me for my liver, are you?” [audience laughter] And he said, “No, no, no. I'm on a transplant list. If I ever have an emergency situation, I can have a liver donor. They give me a lobe of their liver, and both the segments regenerate to a new liver. My brother has already agreed to do this for me.” This was the best news, because his brother went to Yale and was a doctor, so maybe now my Jewish mother would get off my back. So, I said, “Great.” 

 

And it was great. We fell in love, and we moved in, and we had a child and we did not get married, because we're very bohemian in New York. And then, about two years ago, Dave started feeling lousy. An MRI revealed an emergency situation. He had a very aggressive form of cancer growing deep in his liver. And the doctor said, “You need that transplant now.” So, he called his brother, the doctor who went to Yale, who didn't know his blood type. When he got tested, he was not compatible. But even though I went to a state school, I know that I am A+, [audience laughter] which is what Dave is. And the doctor said, “Yes, we can consider you as a donor.” So, Dave didn't know it, but he was dating me for my liver. [audience laughter] 

 

I began testing right away. You meet with 12 health care professionals, and they all try to scare you in the beginning by saying, “You understand the risks. They range from infection to hernia to death.” And I was like, “You know, what choice do I have? If I lose him, I, by extension, lose my life.” Everything was going great until I got to appointment number 11, the Hepatologist, the liver doctor, Dr. Fox. She was single, so she wanted to know what site I met Dave on. [audience laughter] OkCupid. We were joking. But then, she said in like all seriousness, “If you don't actually want to go through with this, I can just say you have a fatty liver and no one has to know.” 

 

I had to fight back tears when she said that, because I had been doing this to save Dave. But during the process, I stopped thinking of him as my partner and as somebody's son and brother and friend and father. And with this chunk of flesh that would just grow back, I could save a human being's life. I was not going to just lose this opportunity. And so, I held my breath as she examined my liver and I only let it out when she said, “You have a beautiful liver.” And so, my 12th appointment was just an MRI where they just had to map out how they were going to resect a lobe of my liver. And the MRI revealed I have a very healthy liver, but also a very lopsided liver, and they couldn't just resect a lobe. And so that was it, I lost my chance, but I couldn't dwell on that because I had to find Dave a new liver. 

 

And so, I started on Facebook, as one does when you need an organ. [audience laughter] The very next day, my friend, Sarah Kate, texted me and she said, “I'm A+. Can I help?” I really like her, so I didn't know how to respond. And then, she said, “It would be my honor to do this.” And so, on Valentine's Day 2017, we had this really weird group date at Columbia Presbyterian, and Sarah Kate gave 58% of her liver to my now husband, Dave. They're both doing great. I get mad at Dave all the time, so that just shows you how great he's doing. As for Sarah Kate, she was born and raised here in Los Angeles, and so all I can say is this really is a city of angels. Thank you.