Oleeta Fogden - A Painful Period

 

 

In Indian culture, periods are celebrated with a grand party. You literally get gold as a present for crossing the threshold into womanhood. And for me, a child who never had extravagant birthday parties but enjoy, I'm saying that present tense, being the center of attention at any cost couldn't help, but feel getting my period would mark the most important day of my life. Much like your first passion underage party or getting your [unintelligible [00:33:38] 

 

So, in my house, periods were never shrouded in secrecy, nor did we ever shy away from conversations about sex, drugs or alcohol. This is not to say our openness was anything new, but our ease around the subject of periods in particular was something I would soon find out was definitely not dinner material or shared by my friends. 

 

So, finally, the day came and I squealed excitedly from the bathroom, to the surprise and amusement, to my dad in the other room. And soon after, the preparations began. I was told I could invite whoever I wanted to my party. Bear in mind, I'm 12 years old, year 2007. It's April, so I've known these people for two months. [audience laughter]

 

But at the same time, I didn't think that my period party was anything different to a bat mitzvah or your average birthday at McDonald's, like everyone used to have. For the most part, the invitations were well received, particularly from the boys, who I think were more excited about the Indian feast than they were about the reason itself. And in all honesty and to the credit of every teenage romance film ever made, I thought it was really smart to invite boys to my period party, because it could be a way I could even woo my crush. [audience laughter]

 

Okay. [chuckles] But when it came to the girls, I was actually met with a lot of hostility and awkwardness. One girl, we're going to call her Michelle, bit of a bitch, told me that she wouldn't actually be coming to my party, because it was weird and disgusting. So, I went home to my parents feeling humiliated. 

 

So, Michelle's words and my humiliation seemed to override all those notions of beauty that I was always taught to associate with being a woman. I became really nervous that sharing my Indian culture would result in losing all of these new friendships that I'd made and then, I'd be this lonely, menstruating Indian chick who- [audience laughter] -everyone knows when she has her period. Great. [audience laughter]

 

So, finally, the day came. I distinctly remember my mum waking up at 04:00 AM cooking curry and pakoras. The smell wafted through the house. As I woke up, there was a bath laden with rose petals and lavender oil. It was very lush and excessive. The old me would have loved this, because just love the attention, but I just couldn't get Michelle's words out of my head. 

 

The night progressed. People started arriving. I was showered with gifts in gold, which is pretty amazing. Gold and money and flowers. I was pleasantly surprised when the boys dressed as if they were attending a wedding. I don't think they knew the vibe. [audience laughter]

 

Throughout the night, I had three outfit changes. I was watched attentively by everyone in attendance as my mum poked, and prodded and twisted a sari around me multiple times. At these moments, I felt really exposed. But that slowly started to fade as the night went on, and I was surrounded by these wonderful people who supported me and loved me. 

 

I found solace in the stories of the women around me who record awkward times that they had their period, and the fact that we as women share this experience, even if it is uncomfortable and often unspoken. But most importantly, I felt proud that I'm part of a culture that celebrates this part in a woman's life. Funnily enough, Michelle-- She is actually now a journalist and often posts things on Facebook. I stalk it, like there's no tomorrow. [audience laughter] She often posts Facebook articles about the tampon tax, and the censoring of female bodies and the injustice of it all. I particularly liked her post last Wednesday- [audience laughter] -where she talked about how women should never feel disgust, weird or humiliated about their periods. If only she had come to this realization 14 years earlier, she'd have a nice side of curry on the side of that epiphany. I wish her well. Thank you.