A college freshman falls in love at 11 p.m. Mass.
“I am not a solemn or quiet person.”
Transcript
Pilar Siman — 11pm Mass
So, it was my freshman year at college, and I saw– I fell in love with the back of his head first. [audience chuckle] We were in a government class, and he had this blonde hair, and he was just so smart. He was in ROTC, so he was very fit. And so, I start falling for him. And I’m like, “This guy’s cute. I want to figure out a way to talk to him.” So, one day we start talking, and we find out we’re both Catholic. We both go to Mass, and he says, “You know, you should really check out the 11:00 PM Mass. It’s very solemn, very quiet. [audience chuckle] You can really get your thoughts together.” And I am not a solemn or quiet person. [audience chuckle] So, that is the opposite of any kind of Mass I would go to. I go to the really loud, cheesy one where everyone claps. And I said, “Yeah, that’s exactly what I like.” [audience chuckle]
So, I start going to 11:00 PM solemn Mass just so I can see him. And we talk after Mass, and I’m thinking, “He’s falling in love with me.” [audience chuckle] we have these moments. We go to Mass. This is such a spiritual connection. So, I’m basically thinking– I tell my roommate, like, “We’re dating. We’re dating.” [audience laughter] So, then a few months into it, he says, “I’m going to be leading a retreat. Do you want to lead with me?” And I’m thinking, like, “We’re engaged.” [audience laughter] Obviously. Like, he’s like, “You know, it might take a lot of time. We’re going to have to meet every week.” And I’m like, “This is a serious relationship.” [audience laughter] I know he’s shy, he doesn’t want to say it, but we’re obviously on the same page. So, we meet every week, and we plan in the dorm room.
And so, after a few weeks of this, I tell my roommate, I’m like, “This is the night. Like, you know, we’ve been– ” I’m clearly getting the vibe. He really likes me. I really like him. I think I’m just going to tell him. I’m going to tell him I like him because it’s just too awkward. There’s too much tension. We’re always going to each other’s dorm rooms. Like, something’s got to happen. So, I get to his dorm room. We’re working on stuff, and he says to me, “I have something I want to say to you.” And I’m thinking, like, “This is it.” [audience chuckle] Like, this is what I’ve been waiting for. We are so on the same page. And I said, “Me too.” I said, “But you go first.” [audience chuckle] Thank God. [audience laughter] I said, “You go first.”
So, I’m, like, getting really nervous and emotional. I forgot– this is it. This is it. I knew it. And he says, “This is not easy for me to say.” And I’m like, “Of course not. [audience chuckle] How would it be?” And he’s like, “But I’ve known for a while.” And I’m like, “Me too.” And he’s like, “I’ve been praying about it.” I’m like, “Well, maybe. Yeah, I’ve been praying about it.” [audience laughter] And he says, “I’m going to be a priest.” [audience aww and laughter] Never. I had played out this scenario so many times with my roommate, with my friends. We had talked about it. What could he say? What could I say? Never [audience chuckle] did I ever imagine he would say no. He actually said, “I feel called to be a priest.” [audience aww]
So, you can’t be “That bitch, that other girl.” [audience laughter] You can’t be like, “Why have you been leading me on?” [audience laughter] You can’t say any of that. I was like, ” I feel cheated on.” All those nights at Mass. I thought, like, we were in Mass, I was thinking of him. He’s thinking of me. No, he’s thinking of God, [audience chuckle] how he should be in Mass, right? So, then he turns to me, and he says, “What is it [chuckles] that you wanted to say?” [audience laughter] And I’m just like, “Thank God. Thank God I did not go first. Thank God I did not go first.” And I just said, “No, I just wanted to say that it’s been really great working with you.” I said, “I’m really happy for you.” Not. Not really happy for you. But at the same time, I can’t be, like, mad. So, I said, “How long have you known?” He’s like, “For this whole year.” Really? All those times I was in Mass, I was really thinking about it.” So, I’m like, “Okay. alright”
All right, fast forward. Five years later, I graduate. I decide to do a volunteer program in South America. I’m working in a very rural village, and I get this email from this guy who also had gone to a Jesuit Catholic university who says, “I want to meet other Americans. Can I come and meet you and the other volunteer?” And I’m like, “Sure, come over and meet us.” So, he comes over, we spend the day together, and I am in love. [audience chuckle] I am like, “Oh my God, this is it. This is the one.” But then I start thinking, “He’s a good person.” [audience laughter] He wants to help the poor. He’s smart. I’m like, “He’s going to be a Jesuit like the other one.” I’m like, “For sure.” And I’m like, “I’m not going to do this again.” So, I said to him, “I know we’ve only known each other for, like, an hour, but,” [audience laughter] I said, “Have you ever considered becoming a Jesuit, which is a type of priest?” And he says, “That’s actually what I’m doing here in South America. I’m trying to figure out if that’s my calling.” So, the good news for me and our future baby is that was not his calling.