Host: Marc Sollinger

Marc: [00:00:02] Hi, there. This is Marc Sollinger, producer of The Moth podcast. Today, we wanted to give you something a little special, a treasured episode from our archives. A fun Thanksgiving romp for everybody still recovering from the holiday. 

Remember, if you'd like to listen to our now 26-year library of Moth stories, check out our story archive at themoth.org. Just click the stories banner. Without further ado, here's Dan Kennedy. 

Dan: [00:00:30] Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. And it's the day after Thanksgiving, so we are hoping that you enjoyed yourselves yesterday. Many of you, I'm sure, have holiday traditions, and I think probably the repetitive nature of tradition can be really quite comforting. 

That's what today's story from Adam Linn is all about. I'm a huge fan myself of tradition. The holidays, sure, but even on a random Tuesday, I don't think you'll find me doing really anything much different than I've done on a random Tuesday over the last 20 or 30 years. 

Adam shared his story at a recent Mainstage at Lincoln Center. And theme of the night was Blinded by the Light. Here's Adam Linn, live at the Moth. 

[cheers and applause] 

Adam: [00:01:23] So, I met my wife, Juju, on the subway. Well, almost. We actually met online. But when I showed up for that first date, she took one look at me and said, “Oh, my God, you're the guy from the A-train.” [audience laughter] And it turned out she'd been seeing me for months and months up around 190th Street. She used to sit there looking at me, she later admitted to me, and she used to think to herself, “That guy looks like he might make a pretty nice boyfriend.” Me, a nice boyfriend? I certainly didn't think so. 

At that point in my life, I was this 40-year-old blind, single dad just trying to figure things out. I was very, very grumpy, because I was supporting myself as a waiter. I was waiting tables at a novelty restaurant in Times Square. This was a place where people ate in the pitch black. I would go from table to table and say, use your other senses and don't be afraid. [audience laughter] So, that's who I was. 

Now, this Juju person thinks I might look like a nice boyfriend for her. She's a doctor. She grew up in Brazil. She traveled the world extensively before settling in Mozambique, where she built clinics from the ground up that have literally prolonged the lives of tens of thousands of people suffering with HIV aids. She speaks five languages and she dances, I mean, samba, and she's warm and she's funny. She's very, very beautiful. So, you're thinking, “Oh, she's way out of this guy's league,” right? So, yeah, okay, I know what you're thinking. [audience laughter] 

But while we were dating, fate intervened and we unexpectedly got pregnant. So, then, it was only a matter of just smuggling my underwear, and my CDs and my books, one at a time in her apartment. So, she got so used to me. My daughter, Zoe, just being around, that marriage at that point felt inevitable. We got married, and that was great. But it is not always easy being married to wonder woman, because she's always flying off somewhere or doing something very unexpected to the point where it can drive me a little crazy. 

The first time her mom was coming up from Brazil, she's like, “Okay, yeah, my mom's going to stay for 10 days. It'll be a little tight. It's a small apartment.” 11 weeks later, her mom is still there in the apartment. [audience laughter] And then, the night she came to me in tears, very upset. I couldn't imagine what was wrong. She asked me if I was having an affair. I'd left my email open, and she saw this woman's name again and again and again, “Who was this, Rosetta Stone? [audience laughter] 

Rosetta Stone, the language software I was using, so I could learn Portuguese to speak to her dad down in Brazil. I was going to be meeting him for the first time. Not face to face, but over Skype. You see, he was getting a new computer, he was getting broadband, and I made a plan. Thanksgiving's coming up. Let's have him Skype in, we'll put the computer on the table and he can join us as a family. I had an ulterior motive, because I'm actually a pretty good cook. 

When I was a kid, I lost my eyesight. My aunt, Rita, who's a wonderful chef, she's a professional chef, she said, “Listen, there's some things you can't do because you can't see, but there's so many more things you can if you just put your mind to it, and I'll teach you how to cook.” And she did. And I've had that skill in my back pocket, my whole life. So, my idea was, I would make a Thanksgiving dinner like I'd done before with the big turkey and the sides, and it would look really nice, and my father-in-law in Brazil would be really impressed. 

So, Thanksgiving was about a week away. I was planning menus, I was in my element and I could tell Juju wasn't feeling it. And I said, honey, this is going to be great. I'm going to make the pumpkin risotto with chestnuts and fresh sage. You’ll like that. No response. I'm going to do the homemade cranberry sauce with ginger and Meyer lemon zest. Remember last year, that was a hit. “No.” I said, Juju, honey, what can I do to make you happy? She said, “I want a pig.” [audience laughter] For a pet? I mean, what do you mean you want a pig? 

She's like, “No, I'm so excited about my father calling and everything. I don't want some boring, dry old turkey. I want a pig, a whole pig. When I was a little girl, I'd go to my grandmother's farm, and she'd let me pick out a piglet, and she'd kill it, and cook it and [audience laughter] we'd eat. It was so nice. And I want that feeling.” [audience laughter] I said, I am not cooking you a pig in a Manhattan apartment. I wouldn't even know where to start. My mom is coming from Boston, friends are coming. We're having a turkey. [audience laughter] She accused me of being inflexible. 

Then a couple days later, she's at work at the hospital. I can hear all the noise in the background, and she says, “Listen, I found a pig [audience laughter] online. I bought it. Don't say anything.” It was one of those moments you have in a marriage quite often where I could either keep fighting or give in. And then, I gave in. That's how I found myself day before Thanksgiving with the girls, two and four, Zoe and Isabelle. We're down in the West Village. They're in their Bugaboo double stroller, which is this giant monstrosity. 

I walk into this little old time vintage butcher shop and I'm, “Hey, I'm the guy. I'm here for the pig.” And the butcher's like, “Oh, man. Because of the holiday and everything, your pig never showed up.” And I'm thinking, thank you, Jesus. [audience laughter] I am getting my turkey. He's like, “But don't worry, I actually have another pig for you. It's not the fresh pig that you ordered, but it's a bigger pig. It's frozen.” He hands me a 22-pound block of ice, which is a frozen dead pig. I can feel these long-twisted limbs with hooves, sharp hooves on the end and the head and the snout. It was a gargoyle, okay? 

I walk out of the butcher shop, and Juju's there with the girls and I'm trying to shield my daughters from the pig. They're all excited. “Papa, pig. Papa, pig. Papa, pig.” [audience laughter] I said, Juju, how on earth are we going to get home? Because the bugaboo is too big to get in a taxi or the subway. And she's like, “Oh, no problem at all. Just throw the pig in the carriage, we'll push it home.” You want me to put this dead pig in the stroller with our children? “Oh, yeah, why not?” [audience laughter] That's how I found myself. 

Down on my knees, and I'm pulling diapers and wipes and cracked sippy cups and crumpled bags of goldfish crackers out from under the stroller. And the goldfish are spilling and I'm crushing them under my knees as I jam this 22-pound dead pig in under my kids, and it doesn't fit. It doesn't fit all the way. The legs and the head are rearing out like it wants to escape. [audience laughter] 

We turn, and we're walking up 6th Avenue, a couple of quiet blocks, and my older daughter, Zoe, says, “Daddy? Yes, my love. “The pig-- Yes, my love. “Is making my bum cold.” [audience laughter] Yes, my love. We'll hurry. I promise. We get back to the apartment and my mom is there. She hates the pig. And she's like, “What are you going to do with that thing? You can't put a frozen pig in the oven. It'll stay frozen in the middle. It'll burn on top. You'll burn down the apartment.” I said, mom, I am not going to burn down the apartment. I'm going to thaw it in the sink. 

I bring the pig to the sink. It's a small apartment, sink is about two feet across. The pig is about three and a half feet long, not even close. I stand there for a second, think I know what I'm going to do. I draw a warm bath and I slip the pig in. So, it's New York. You don't have a lot of space. The rest of the day, you want to use a bathroom, whoop, there's the pig staring you in the face, right? [audience laughter] 

So, next day is Thanksgiving. I get up early. I go to check, the pig has thawed. Okay, that's good. I wrestle it into this big aluminum tray. I don't really want touch it. It's about the size of a couch cushion, maybe. Once it's in the tray, I remove one of the racks from the oven and I jam it in. And a couple hours go by and the house is smelling pretty good. We got some pies going, we got all kinds of-- It's like, “Okay, you know what? This might actually work.” 

And so, we're going to eat at 04:00. That's when my father-in-law was going to call in. So, a little bit before that, I step in the bedroom, I'm thinking, I've picked out a shirt and a jacket and a tie that I'm going to put on, because I want to look really nice for my father-in-law. And while I'm standing there at my closet, my daughter comes to the door and says, “Daddy, there's some black smoke in the apartment.” I run out, and I go to the kitchen, and I open up the oven, the pig is on fire. [audience laughter] 

So, I grab a dish towel and I get the flames out on the head. One of the instructions was, “Make sure you wrap the ears in foil before you insert the pig in the oven.” I had neglected to do that, and the ears burn, and they're two blackened bat wings sticking out of the side of the pig. A turkey never would have done this, right? So, I grab a roll of foil, and I wrap the pig's head. It's 4 o'clock. It's game time. Grab the pig, I bring it to the table that we've put in the middle of the living room. 

The table is beautiful. We have flowers and candles and in the middle of a computer. And I settle the pig down in front of the laptop and we Skype my father-in-law in Brazil. And in my best Rosetta Stone Portuguese, I say, “Bom dias, Senhor Silva. Porco granji.” Which means, Good day, Mr. Silva. Big pig. [audience laughter] All those lessons, that was the best I could come up with, [audience laughter] but please, please cut me some slack. I was unraveling. I had a terrible looking pig on the table. 

I was wearing a greasy T-shirt with holes in it, meeting my father-in-law. And all I could think was, the only good thing about this holiday is it will end. And at some point, tonight, I can get into bed and pull the blanket over my head and this will be over. And then I noticed Juju, on the other hand, is like this balloon of joy. She is so happy. She's full of light and energy. She's taking pictures of the kids with the pig. She's taking the computer and moving it around the pig like a film director getting it from every angle. And her father is loving this. 

We sit down and we start eating. I'm surrounded by languages. My kids are having a great time. And my mom, she's having some more roast pork. She's having a great time. And I had a moment. I wouldn't call it a revelation, I still am who I am, but I had a moment and I thought, my Brazilian wife certainly understands this American holiday a hell of a lot better than I do, because Thanksgiving is not about turkey, it's about family. And family is about love, and love is ultimately about change. 

I had been resisting change at every turn. But if you're not willing to change, if you're not willing to give something up, you're never going to get anything new. And I thought, what had Juju given up to be here at this table? She gave up her country, and her language, and her mom and her dad to start a new family with me. So, later that night when we were clearing up and I knew no one was around, I brought what was left of the pig out to the kitchen and I leaned into that little aluminum foil wrapped ear and I said, thank you, thank you, thank you. And thank you.

[cheers and applause] 

Dan: [00:14:13] Adam Linn is an author and essayist who writes about family and social justice. His piece entitled The Blind Man's French Dog Problem recently appeared in the New York Times. He's currently working on his memoir, Showing Up, which explores the challenges of growing up without a father, going blind and eventually becoming a father himself. He lives in Manhattan with his wife, Juju, daughters, Zoe and Isabel, and their lovable but intensely codependent German shepherd, Nadia. 

If you've got a story of your own, you can find the open-mic StorySLAM series that we do nearest you and throw your name in the hat. That way, we get to hear your story. You can find details on all of our upcoming events at themoth.org. We hope to see you soon at our SLAM. And as always from everyone here at The Moth, we hope you have a story worthy week. 

Emily: [00:15:05] Dan Kennedy is the author of Loser Goes First, Rock On and American Spirit. He's also a regular host and storyteller with The Moth. 

Dan: [00:15:13] Podcast production by Emily Couch and Vicki Merrick. The Moth podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.