Host: Dan Kennedy
Dan: [00:00:00] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm your host, Dan Kennedy. And this week, we're celebrating moms by giving them the stage. We have two stories from moms getting creative during the trials and tribulations of parenting.
I feel like my mom got kind of creative. One time, we were going to Albertsons in Southern California to grocery shop, and I was probably seven-years-old. To this day, I still remember my telephone number from when I was seven-years-old in Southern California. Because as we were walking across the parking lot, with each step, she made it very fun to memorize our number. With each step we took, we had to say 714-0466. Sometimes she just got sick of us, but she often got creative.
First up, Ali Muldrow. Ali told this story at a StorySLAM we did in Madison, Wisconsin in 2017. The theme of the night was Wonders. Here's Ali.
[cheers and applause]
Ali: [00:01:05] I'm a parent. I'm so much a parent. I have a two-year-old and a seven-year-old. Right now, I have a pair of leggings in my coat pocket that have pee on them. [audience laughter] That's how I'm living my life these days.
When I was pregnant with my first daughter, there's all kinds of things you wonder about. You wonder what that person's going to look like and what they're going to be like. But there's the one thing you're sure of, and that's that you're not going to parent like your parents. You're like, “I'm going to be everything that they were not, and I'm going to do all the things that they were great at. But I'm totally going to be an evolved, way cooler parent than them.”
It's interesting how that doesn't work out, you know [audience laughter] that moment when you just hear your mom or dad or mom and dad just come out of your mouth, just like one of their catchphrases-- Like, my parents were really into the rhetorical question. But one that I feel very much shaped me and I'm sure other people in the audience have had this question was like, “Do you want a reason to cry?” [audience laughter] I am not a crier. I am pretty sure that that question has permanently made me a person that feels there's really never any good reason to cry.
However, when I heard myself start to say that sentence to my three-year-old, I had to really start thinking about the kind of person I am versus the kind of person I want my kid to get to be. I started wondering, what it would be like if I encouraged her to cry, if I made crying into a good thing, into an okay thing. So, she was crying about something really important. You know, the way like two-year-olds cry, they're just like, “Why the hell would you put my shoes on right now? [audience laughter] How could you have done this to me?” And I was like, “I'm going to just embrace it.” I was like, “Okay, keep crying. You got to keep crying, because your stuffed animals only drink tears.” [audience laughter]
And so, I lined up all of her stuffed animals and I was like, “You got to keep it going. You got to keep it going, because the frog has not had a drink yet.” And she was like, “I'm trying. I'm trying. I'm trying to cry.” Each one would get a drink and then she'd be laughing and crying. It was like this really proud moment in parenting where I had found a space to be comfortable with something that I hadn't been comfortable with, that I wasn't good at in terms of vulnerability, where I'd reconciled a part of myself that I didn't want to pass down.
You don't know if those things stick with your kids, those little games that you play. And eventually, she got too old for it, and she was like, “I'm just going to cry. Don't line up the animals, [audience laughter] back up off me. I'm just going to weep over here.” But you wonder if what your kid is going to keep of the things that you teach them. And recently, her sister was crying-- Because her sister is now two. And now she cries about when people put her shoes on or a coat on. But she was crying and I was like, “Dude, we got to get going.” Like, “Come on.” And Adrienne was like, “No, keep crying.” That's my oldest. That's my seven-year-old. She was like, “Because your toys, they only drink tears.” [audience laughter]
[cheers and applause]
Dan: [00:05:12] That was Ali Muldrow. Ali is the mom of two young children, as well as an educator, activist and doula. She's also on the board of directors for the Fair Wisconsin Education Fund, and she's the codirector of Black Girls are Magic of Madison. To see some photos of Ali and her kids, head to the extras for this episode on our website, themoth.org.
Up next is Michelle Cloud. Michelle told this story at a Milwaukee StorySLAM back in 2013. And the theme of the night was Busted. Here's Michelle, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Michelle: [00:05:54] So, last October, my husband Patrick and I were invited to go to Vegas to celebrate his best friend's 40th birthday. I didn't really want to go, but he really wanted to go. But the problem was we have three kids. The youngest is seven, and she's never been away from us overnight. So, we thought, we'll take all three kids, we'll do family stuff during the day, we'll leave the kids in the hotel room at night and go out for debauchery, and it'll all be good. [audience laughter]
But the 17-year-old Meredith, who is our oldest, said, “Uh-uh.” She does a lot of drama. She's a senior in high school, and she said, “No, I've got this play competition that weekend. I have to be there. There's no way I can go.” So, we thought, okay, if we make her go, it'll be miserable. So, we decided we'll take the younger two, we'll let Meredith stay home by herself. Yeah. You see, we didn't see. [audience laughter] And we will go to Vegas and it'll all be fine. And Meredith was like, “Oh, I'm responsible. I’m mature. I never do anything wrong. It'll be fine. What are you worried about?” So, I said, “Okay, you're right.”
So, we went to Vegas. It wasn't as bad as I thought, but the food was better than I had expected. And then, we came back and the house was still standing. It seemed okay, but things were a little off. Meredith had cleaned part of the basement, the part where she entertains friends and a path to the refrigerator through the unfinished part of the basement. And I thought, that's odd.
And then, on Monday after we came back, I was cleaning in the basement and I found a cardboard box of trash. I was emptying it into a trash can and I found this list. And it said things like magazines, table, rock band, drum set. It was a list of things she had moved, so she could remember to move them back. [audience laughter] But she didn't move them back. [chuckles] So, there was a list of things. I'm not a detail person. I never would have noticed these things were moved. But here I have a list of things that were moved and, “Oh, look, they're still moved.” [audience laughter] So, I thought, okay.
So, I called Patrick at work, and I said, “Honey, Meredith had a party while we were gone and I want to confront her, but I want to wait till you get home and I don't know what to say.” And he said, “Why do you want to do that? Don't tip your hand. You'll just make her be more careful next time.” [audience chuckles] He said, “The house is still standing. The police weren't called, don’t say anything.” So, I said, “Okay, sounds good. I don't really want to bust her.” So, I didn't say anything. And so, then she would say, you thought I was so immature and irresponsible, and I would just bite my tongue.
Then on Tuesday, she came home from school and said, “Mom, I need to talk to you.” And I said, “Why? What's up?” And she said, “It's not good.” [audience laughter] And I said, “Oh, well, what's up?” And she said, “I got called to the office today and I got in trouble at school, because I was drinking at a party.” And I said, “Oh, where were you at a party where you were drinking here?” “Here.” [audience laughter] I was like, “Really?” “Yes, while you were gone.”
So, she got in trouble at school. She had to miss one of the competitions of the play, the whole reason she couldn't go to Vegas in the first place, and she got kicked out of the National Honor Society. [audience aww] Yeah. And she was allowed to appeal that decision. So, she appealed that decision, and she wrote a letter, and there was a hearing and she was allowed to take a character witness. She asked me to go as her character witness. And after saying, “Are you really sure that I am the best character witness at this point in our relationship?” I decided, okay, I've already said all the stuff that parents say. So, I went with her.
There were five teachers there, and we were in this room and she got to say why she thought she should get to stay in the National Honor Society. And then, they asked me what I had to say. I realized at that point it's not just her that's busted. I'm busted too. I'm the mom that went to Vegas and left her 17-year-old at home [audience laughter] to have a drinking party. Like, who is in trouble here? But what I told these teachers was, “Yeah, she made a mistake, but she's a good person, she's honorable, she's smart, she's giving, she's generous. She didn't turn in any of the other National Honor Society members who were at the party. And I think that what's really important when people make mistakes, is that they learn from those mistakes and move forward and not that they're just people who never make mistakes to begin with.” I was kind of talking about her, kind of talking about me. [audience laughter]
But they kicked her out anyway. [audience aww] And in the end though, I think it was a really good experience for me, not so much for her. I mean, she got kicked out of [audience laughter] National Honor Society. But it was nice, because I got to say these things, I got to articulate things about being a good and honorable person that I might not have articulated otherwise and particularly in front of my daughter, who is here, by the way, tonight. [audience cheers and applause] And you know, all in all, it was a good bonding experience getting busted with my daughter.
[cheers and applause]
Dan: [00:11:31] That was Michelle Cloud. Michelle is a mom of three, and an organizing manager with Everytown for Gun Safety. She's also told a number of stories on The Moth StorySLAM and GrandSLAM stages. When we followed up with Michelle, she told us her daughter Meredith, now 23, recently spent a weekend back at home watching her younger sister while Michelle was in New York. Michelle did not find any evidence of a party.
If you're looking to hear from more rockstar moms, you can check out The Moth’s third book, Occasional Magic. You can read about a mother of triplets traveling to Antarctica and another who dedicates her life to helping others become parents after adopting her own child. Occasional Magic is out now and it's available wherever you get your books.
That's going to do it for this time around, but we'll be back soon with more stories. Until then, from all of us here at The Moth in New York, have a story-worthy week.
Julia: [00:12:27] Dan Kennedy is the author of Loser Goes First, Rock on and American Spirit. He's also a regular host and storyteller with The Moth.
Dan: [00:12:35] Podcast production by Julia Purcell and Paul Ruest. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.