Host: Michelle Jalowski
Michelle: [00:00:03] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Michelle Jalowski, your host for this week.
Whether it's black tie, business casual or business uniform, occasionally you have to dress up in order to fit in. But sometimes it's easier to look the part than it is to play the role.
Take it from our first storyteller this week, Jennifer Leahy. Jennifer told this story at a GrandSLAM in Boston, where the theme of the night was Growing Pains. Heads up if you're squeamish, Jennifer's story contains a reference to blood. Here's Jennifer, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Jennifer: [00:00:46] So, the surgeon has just removed a collection of cholesterol known as a plaque from our patient's carotid artery. That's the one that you need in the neck, [audience laughter] when it sprays blood all over me. I'm a third-year medical student and this is by far the coolest thing [audience laughter] I have ever seen. I watch in awe as the surgeon manages the bleeding, finishes the surgery. Overall, the patient's fine and it went well. I watch as they wheel him out of the operating room and I start thinking about, God, I'm so hungry. [audience laughter] I go and find something to eat. I am killing it. No, no, not killing it. [audience laughter] I'm doing a really good job as a medical student. [audience laughter] I'm rocking the OR, and I know that if they asked me, I would be ready to be a doctor the next day. [audience chuckle]
So, it seems only fitting that my dad calls me to tell me he's been in the hospital, because the doctors are worried about his heart. I arrive the next day, still in my hospital scrubs, because they're cool. [audience laughter] My dad beams at me. My sister rolls her eyes. [audience laughter] I stand next to the cardiologist, because we're on the same team. [audience laughter] He pulls the rug out from under me as he tells me that my dad needs triple bypass heart surgery within the next week. As a student, I learn everything I can about a surgery before I go in. I could tell you the way it's done and I could tell you the one-in-a-million chance of a complication. I learn about the patient. I learn about medical histories and surgical histories and allergies.
I actually never ask about a family, because it's not that I don't care, but they're just not useful for me. They're not going to be on the test. An attending is not going to ask me about them. When I'm in the OR, they're definitely not going to help me out. They're the last thing on my mind. But as my sister and I started thinking about my dad's surgery, I realized we have a different way to prepare. We started thinking about to-do lists and schedules and about the recovery period. The surgery is just one day, but then I realize it's going to be weeks or months before my dad's back to his usual self. I realize I never think about recovery.
I'm just there for the day of the surgery, maybe like six hours at most and maybe a quick hi at 04:00 AM, the next morning when everyone loves to see a medical student. [audience laughter] But otherwise, I could care less. And I realize, oh gosh, I don't know if we can handle this. And then I have the conversation with my dad that I know is so important to have, but I'm not ready for. What does he want us to do if something goes wrong, if his heart stops or he stops breathing? I've done this exercise with myself, with my medical student friends, just as a class exercise. But it feels different when it's in real life.
I'm listed as the healthcare proxy, because I'm in the medical field. But I think, oh my gosh, I hope it doesn't come down to this. I think I at least have some medical training and I feel so overwhelmed. I wonder what my patients and my patients' families think about navigating through this unfamiliar territory. It’s the day of the surgery, and my dad classically makes us arrive about an hour early, because he doesn’t trust us to get on time. [audience laughter] And the hospital is that quiet morning time that I typically love, but I hate right now because I could really use some noise to distract me. The anesthesiologist comes in, gives my dad something for anxiety and I think, I could use something for my nerves. [audience laughter] And the cardiologist comes in. I know how much he needs to get done before this surgery. He takes the time to talk to my dad, and then he turns and talks to my sister and me. And that's something I've never done, talk to the family before a surgery. I'm so relieved and just so grateful for this grace he's shown us.
My dad hands us his belongings, we say our love yous and then he’s wheeled out the door that says, employees only. I think about all the times I've walked through that door and how I'm on the wrong side right now. And I really don’t like this side. The only things I've looked up about his surgery is like this short video that shows like a cartoon heart. And our circulatory system is one big loop. [audience laughter] That's really how it is in real life, I swear. [audience laughter] I know roughly how long the surgery is going to take, so I know it's going to be a long day, but I am prepared.
We go and get breakfast. We start watching a movie. We rearrange all the couches in the waiting room to be aesthetically pleasing. [audience laughter] And I realize only 30 minutes have passed. [audience laughter] In the OR, four hours can be gone in a blink of an eye. I'm like, “Oh, that happened.” But in the waiting room, one minute can stretch out to be an hour. I sit, and it’s probably one of the longest days of my life. A volunteer comes in and finally she tells us, "Everything went okay. Your dad's out of surgery, and there were no complications." And a weight I didn’t know I had feels suddenly lifted.
My sister and I go and see our dad. He’s paler than I’ve ever seen him. But he complains about that calming chime music that they have in his room. And I chuckle. It's a chuckle of relief, because I know that even though we have a long road ahead of us, he's still him. About two days later, I'm back in the OR on my surgery rotation, and I'm prepping for an emergency gallbladder removal. I know all about the surgery. I know all about the complications. I know my patient's history, both medical surgical, and allergies.
I go with the team to wheel the patient to the operating room. And as we're leaving his room, I hear his wife tearfully say, "Be careful. He's precious cargo." I do something I've never done before. I stop. The team goes through the door and I turn to the wife. I hand her a box of tissues and I offer her a hug. I realize that every person that I am so privileged to take care of is somebody’s someone just like my dad was mine. And I tell her, "We're going to take really good care of him." I tell her that, “When everything's all done, I'm going to come back and tell her how he did and make sure she's okay too,” because I've been in her shoes and he's precious cargo. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Michelle: [00:07:31] That was Jennifer Leahy. Jennifer is a family medicine, obstetrical physician just outside of Boston. She is human mom to Zoe, and cat mom to Kunik. On warm Saturdays, you can find them by the ocean playing in the waves. Well, at least Jennifer and Zoe, the cat stays home. To see both masked and maskless photos of Jennifer, head to the Extras for this episode on our website, themoth.org/extras.
Our next storyteller is Sivan Schondorf. Sivan told this at a StorySLAM in Chicago, where the theme of the night was Imposter. Here's Sivan, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Sivan: [00:08:13] [laughs] I'm wearing flats and I still tripped. [laughs]
Male Speaker: [00:08:16] You got it?
Sivan: [00:08:17] "Got it, got it, got it. Okay. So, when I was 25 years old and living in la-la-land, one of my best friends, Mary, called me up and said, "Do you want to be in a full-page spread in Lucky magazine wearing wedding dresses?" And I was like, "Hell yes!" I was young, I had just moved across the country from Chicago, and I was excited and looking for adventure and this seemed like the perfect fit. And so, she said, "Okay. So, you have to send a headshot to the casting director. She'll do some details with you.” “Okay.” “And the only thing is that you actually have to pretend that we're real brides. Okay, bye." And I was like, "Mary, I don't think I can do that." "You know, I'm terrible at lying. I don't think that's my thing." And she's like, "No, it'll be great. We'll be in the lie together. Nobody would care, so let's just do it."
I do believe in safety in numbers. So, I thought, okay. [audience laughter] Plus, I had been a real bride just the year before, so I thought, okay, maybe I can fake my way through this. So, I had a phone conversation with the casting director a few days before or something. She went through the details of the day with me, and then she confirmed at the end of the conversation, "So, you are engaged to be married, right?" And I was like, "Yes, I am. I'll see you there." And so, that's when I realized that we were going to be at this bridal shoot with presumably other real brides, and there was going to be probably wedding talk. So, we're going to need wedding dates, we're going to need backstories, we're going to need engagement rings.
So, the day before the shoot, I went to Claire's Boutique and I got us [audience laughter] a three-pack of wedding rings. Mary picked the solitaire and I picked the three-stone. On the day, we went to the bridal shoot, we practiced our stories for each other, and we admired each other's rings, and we were really just giddy and ready for the day. It was on the famous Robertson Boulevard. We tried on wedding dresses. We had-- Oh, that's okay. Not going to be on the radio, I guess. No, I'm just kidding. [audience laughter] And then, we had wedding dresses picked out and we had our jewelry and accessories. And then, all we had to do was wait in the wedding trailer to get our hair and makeup done. That's when I was cornered by the most interrogative, loquacious bride of all.
She proceeded to ask me a lot of questions, as I got my hair and makeup done. "So, when are you getting married?" "Oh, no date set. Just playing it by ear." "Oh, how come?" "Well, my fiancé, David, is in med school in New York, and so we're long-distance. So, we're just going to wait till we're in a more settled state." "Oh, let me see your ring." I quickly flashed her my ring, realizing, "Do you like my $2 ring?” “Oh my God, it looks so overly sparkly." And then, she proceeded to ask me, "How did he propose?"
You see, having been a real bride before, that's when my unresolved issues about having had this failed engagement started to come up and I was going to out myself now as a fraudulent bride again. And the thing is, I had a real wedding dress except it was sitting in a box in my parents' garage in Chicago. I had a real engagement ring, except I had given it back to my ex-fiancé, whose name was not David, and he was not in med school in New York. I had a real backstory, except my backstory was a lot more heartache and a lot less Hollywood glamour photoshoots. I started getting red and perspiring, and I thought about how, you know, they say the saying, “Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.”
It's not like my goal was to be married, but it wasn't to be constantly engaged. I was starting to think [audience laughter] I was going to be called “Always a bride, never a wife." I was dripping sweat. My makeup was coming off. Mary was giving me a hold it together look. And that's when they called my name. I went to get my modeling on. I have to tell you, I felt very special for the day, as phony as I was, totally fake. When the magazine came out, I was very proud. And yes, people did call my parents and say, “Is Sivan engaged again?" And they were like, "No, it's fake." [audience laughter]
And later that month, I met this guy. Partly because I thought it would impress him, and also because it was preemptive damage control, I told him about the photoshoot in the magazine. And he was like, "Well, can I see it?" And I said, "Yes, but I emphasize it's totally fake." And so, he saw it, and then he noted to me that at the bottom it says, "Her own engagement ring." So, I didn't know how that played, but apparently, a few weeks later, he was at a friend's house and the friend's girlfriend had magazines all over the table. And his friend was like, "Well, tell me about this new girl you're dating." And he's like, "Well, hold on a second," and he grabbed the magazine, and he opened it up to my page and he showed him. And a couple years later, I put on my third wedding dress as a bona fide bride. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Michelle: [00:13:35] That was Sivan Schondorf. Sivan is a speech pathologist, and her family knows her as a lifelong talker. She advocates for those with the BRCA mutation who are high risk for breast or ovarian cancer. As a recently turned 40-year-old with three kids, Sivan was called a cool mom by a stranger while dancing on a catamaran tour. She values that stranger's opinion above anyone else's. To see some photos of Sivan in both real and staged wedding scenes, head to our website, themoth.org/extras.
That's all for this week. From all of us here at The Moth, have a story worthy week.
Davy: [00:14:14] Michelle Jalowski is a producer and director at The Moth, where she helps people craft and shape their stories for stages all over the world.
This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson, Julia Purcell and me, Davy Sumner, with assistance from Jason Richards.
The rest of The Moth leadership team includes Catherine Burns, Sarah Haberman, Jenifer Hixson, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Klutse, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Inga Glodowski and Aldi Kaza. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by storytellers.
For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, visit our website, themoth.org. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.