Host: Dan Kennedy

Dan: [00:00:02] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. 

We know Valentine's Day isn't for everyone. In fact, every year in February in all 29 of our SLAM cities, our Love Hurts-themed StorySLAM is jam packed, probably because on the journey to finding love, there are roadblocks and bus stops. So, what makes a good love story? I don't think-- 

Okay, here's the traditional love story, right? Person is alone, they feel alone in the world. Person meets other person, they carry on together, both feeling less alone in the world. But I don't think it always requires a person. I remember when I first moved to New York City and I couldn't have felt more alone, far from home, trying to figure out what am I chasing here in this city, what am I trying to do out in the world. 

I tried The Moth for the first time and instantly had this powerful feeling of just these voices, these people in this community that I knew from that night forward would be my friends and family in this city. And in the blink of an eye, two decades went by with them. I think that's a love story. We have two of those for you today in this episode of the podcast. 

Our first storyteller is Leah Haydock. Leah told this story at a Boston GrandSLAM, where the theme of the night was Uncharted Territory. Here's Leah, live at The Moth.

[cheers and applause] 

Leah: [00:01:53] Thank you. The year I turned 40, I wondered if my husband might surprise me with a party or a trip away. I did not expect a divorce, because I didn't ski. [audience chuckle] And just like that, I found myself a 40-year-old divorcee with sole custody of two 15-year-old incontinent miniature dachshunds. [audience laughter] And nowhere was that in my life plan. And so, I had to come up with a new plan. I moved from Maine to Boston. As luck would have it, around the corner from my apartment was a restaurant that in my opinion sold the best pasta in the whole of Boston. I would go in there and they had this strozzapreti dish. It was hand-rolled twists of pasta with tender braised rabbit and rosemary and Picholine olives. I would have eaten there every single night, except for it was like nearly $30 for a bowl, and carbs. [audience laughter] 

So, I set myself a rule that I could only go in there on my very, very, very worst days, because we all know it's better to eat your feelings and feel them. [audience laughter] And so, at first, I was eating quite a lot of pasta. [audience laughter] The day the final decree came in the mail. I was like, “That deserves some strozzapreti.” A couple of weeks later, when I found the online wedding pictures of his remarriage to a much younger, heavily pregnant new wife, I was like, “Yeah, that definitely deserves pasta.” [audience laughter] I would go into the restaurant, I would have maybe put a sweater on top of my pajama top and I would just go in there, order my pasta, order my wine. Not really want to talk to anyone.

Normally, I'm quite sociable, but not on the very worst days. But there was this one guy who worked at the restaurant called Ethan. He would try and talk to me, but then I would open up my book and he would leave me alone. But at the end of dinner, he would always bring over with the check, like a little scoop of gelato, which would have been really nice, except I don't have a sweet tooth, so I just angrily mush it around in the bowl. [audience laughter] And then, eventually, I was having less bad days and I didn't want to be alone forever, so I knew that meant it was time to start dating. And that was completely new for me, because the last time I had gone on a date was never.

Everything is just so new in terms of technology. So, I downloaded the apps and I figured out the correct direction for the swiping. [audience laughter] I was so clueless. This one guy messaged me and said, "Are you an LTR kind of girl?" And I was like, "LTR," which I now know means long-term relationship, but I somehow found live to rage on Urban Dictionary. [audience laughter] I wrote back and I said, "Well, I like a glass of wine or two with dinner, [audience laughter] but I probably wouldn't say I'm a rager." [audience laughter] I took advantage of all the technology, because there's so many filters and I was filtering for everything. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, and I chose all these criteria that basically described my ex-husband.

I think I thought, well, I'll find another him, but maybe this one will love me. And so, I started going on the dates, and I went on so many first dates that never led to a second date. But they were never quite bad enough to go and eat the pasta. [audience laughter] That continued to give me hope. Plus, I'm a wedding photographer. And in the last year, I photographed numerous weddings from Hinge and JDate and Facebook and all sorts of different apps. So, I just kept persevering. 

One night, my date pounded five beers, ordered three shrimp dishes, despite my shellfish aversion, [audience laughter] let me pay the check and then got really weirdly, weirdly creepy about giving me a ride home. I blurted out some excuse and literally ran out of the restaurant and walked home disheartened and really hungry, and decided that was a pretty bad date. So, I think that just deserves some pasta silver lining. [chuckles] And so, I walked into the restaurant, and I deliberately didn't sit in Ethan's section. I was like, “I'm not dealing with that ice cream thing.” [audience laughter] 

I've got my pasta and I'm eating it. He comes over anyway and tops up my wine, which I really didn't need any more of. He also gives me this giant plate of broccolini. Because I've had a few glasses of wine, I'm like, "Do you think I don't eat enough vegetables?" [audience laughter] He looks at me and I say, "Do you feel sorry for me because I'm always alone?" He looks at me, like, really looks at me and says, "How could I feel sorry for you when you've got all that going on?" I turned beet red, wanted to put my head in my bowl of pasta. But like the grown adult I am, I sent a group text to my happily married girlfriends, [audience chuckle] because they're a great source of dating advice. [audience laughter] 

They told me to leave my number. I was like, “I don't leave my number for people in restaurants.” Alex pointed out that I had gone on so many dates with so many guys who met all of my criteria, and they'd all been awful and maybe I should just leave my number for the guy who brought me ice cream. I did leave my number with a note that said, "Should you choose not to call. We must pretend this never happened, because I need-- [audience laughter] Because I need to be able to come in here and eat strozzapreti on my really bad days." [audience laughter] 

He texted at the end of his shift, and he said, "I would never come between a woman and her pasta. That would be a cruel and egregious act, and I am not that man." [audience laughter] And a year later, we're in an LTR. [laughs] [audience cheers and applause] Technology may have changed the way we date, but not the way we love. Thank you.

[cheers and applause]

Dan: [00:08:37] That was Leah Haydock. Sadly, Leah and Ethan are no longer in an LTR, but Leah remains grateful for his kindness and all of the pasta. She's now optimistically back on the dating apps, with a much better understanding of three-letter acronyms. 

Leah is a photographer and writer living in Boston. Originally from the UK, Leah dreads developing one of those strange transatlantic accents like Madonna. So, she asks that you please don't tell her if she has. She's currently working on a memoir. If you'd like to check out a photo of Leah's infamous pasta dish, just head to our website, themoth.org. 

So, we have two StorySLAMs a month in Boston, and that is two opportunities for any of you listening right now in Boston to come check us out and maybe even put your name in the hat for a chance to get on stage and share your story with us. For more information on how to do that, just check out our website, themoth.org. 

Up next, Mitch Donaberger. Mitch told this story at a StorySLAM we did in Pittsburgh. And the theme of the night was Love Hurts. Here's Mitch, live at The Moth.

[cheers and applause] 

Mitch: [00:09:55] Many moons ago, actually probably around two years ago, I was very deeply in love with a woman. It was a very, very long-distance relationship, about 1,000 miles. I lived here in Pittsburgh and she lived in Minneapolis. We spent a lot of time talking to each other through the phone, through the internet, what have you. Originally, I had no intention of falling in love with this person. I said to myself, I would never do a long- distance relationship, but love has a way of sneaking up on you and I fell into it. So, there I am. 

We continued along with this relationship for quite a bit of time. Around two years in, I was getting ready to celebrate this anniversary, and was getting ready to propose to her and she broke up with me out of nowhere. And it's a series of complicated issues that led to this, but I was absolutely devastated. I thought to myself, I will never love again. I was absolutely destroyed. You know, when you're getting ready to plan to move to another city entirely uprooting where you are, who you are, to be with this person and them saying no, it kind of sucks [audience laughter] a little, maybe. Anyway. 

So, I was completely heartbroken, as if I could not get off of the couch. I would sleep and not eat and just cry all the time. [audience aww] So, I was talking to a friend of mine who lives in Puerto Rico, because as you can tell by my glasses, I am a giant nerd and all my friends are on the internet. [audience laughter] [audience cheers] 

Apparently, there's nothing wrong with that. [audience laughter] This is good news. [audience laughter] So, I had been talking to him and something snapped in me where I thought to myself, I can't live without this person, I got to do something crazy. Even if it backfires, I have to do this or I will regret it for the rest of my life. So, I'm talking to this person and saying, "I think I'm going to fly out there without telling her, to surprise her at her doorstep, to say that I'm still in love with this person. I'm still in love with you." Something in me said, this is a great idea. [audience laughter] I had no backup plan, I had nowhere to stay and I had booked my flight for Sunday and I left on Friday. 

Now, that leaves a number of days in Minnesota, if anybody is familiar with the place. It's very cold there and I had no place to stay. So, I fly out there. I'll always remember where I was completely forlorn, just my heart beating out of my chest, thinking to myself, I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this. I can't believe I'm doing this." I sat down, and a mother sat down next to me on the plane and just making small talk, she said to me, "What are you doing in Minneapolis?" [chuckles] I didn't know what to tell her. [audience laughter] I was like, I just got to be honest, “I'm flying out to surprise my ex-girlfriend at her doorstep and say that I still love her.” She looked over me with this sort of coy smile, saying, "You're going to do all right." I said, "I hope so. Let's hope so, or I'm going to die in the cold." [audience laughter] 

So, I had flown out there. Everything was rehearsed in my mind, thinking, wow, this is going to be great. I got this. This is great. I showed up at her door, and her parents invited me in and she was at work. They were really cool to me. They brought me in and I watched football with her dad for a little while. I'm sitting in her living room thinking, all right, this is going to work. And she comes home. I had no idea what to do. I ran downstairs, out the backyard and hid in a bush [audience laughter] for 45 minutes with a full backpack on. Meanwhile, her neighbor's looking at me like, "Well, this is the next 9/11. Here we go." [audience laughter] 

Eventually, I managed to-- She did not see me. I ran around. I ran around the block two or three times trying to get my worries out. Finally, I came and surprised her. She was absolutely, you know, she was sobbing like, "I can't believe that you're actually here. This is ridiculous." I hadn't planned that this person would actually say no. I guess I had, but I wasn't expecting it anyway. So, I finally made it there, and her parents felt really bad for me that she was she was at work, she didn't really care for the situation.

So, they took me out to an area where her brother lived in Midtown, which, if you're familiar with Minneapolis, it's like the hipster area where a lot of those people are situated. I'm walking around, and they had to go do this errand, so I'm by myself. I'm just walking along the streets of Midtown by myself. I see this house party. I was a very shy person. I could not spark a conversation with somebody entirely new at that time. I went right up to these people and said, "Hi, I'm Mitch." 

I thought of the story about Bill Murray, of all people, about there was this rumor that he went to this party in New York, this house party, walked right in, hung out with everybody, and at the end of the night, cleaned the dishes and left. And I'm like, "Well, that's a really classy act." I was inspired. The spirit of Bill Murray [audience laughter] entered my heart that evening, and I accept it as my personal savior. [audience laughter]

Not really, but I came on in there. These hipsters, they were like the hipsteriest hipsters you have ever seen, [audience chuckle] sat me down and talked about my problems the whole night and comforted me. [audience laughter] I was sobbing, and I was a mess and like, “Bleh. This girl doesn't love me, blah, blah, blah.” [audience laughter] They really helped me out. So, finally, at the end of the night, this party was winding down. Her parents were calling me, saying, like, "Hey, where are you? We're going to pick you up." [audience laughter] 

I cleaned the dishes, [audience laughter] and at the end, I left that party thinking to myself, like, I think I just-- I cleaned my hands of this whole situation. I left, and I felt like a new person entirely. It was like waking up again. That's why I'm here on this stage, able to speak to you people, because [audience chuckle] that shyness left the spirit of Bill Murray took it [audience laughter] and flew away with it and dropped it in a fire somewhere in the East Indies. [audience laughter] 

[cheers and applause] 

Dan: [00:16:42] That was Mitch Donaberger. Mitch is a creative director, designer and illustrator currently living in Philadelphia. His favorite food book and movie is Fried Green Tomatoes. He's happily married now, and he wants you to know that it gets better. You can check out some of Mitch's photos from that fateful weekend on our website, themoth.org. 

So, that was actually Mitch's first Moth story. And you can hear how the Pittsburgh crowd really loved him, really supported him through that whole story. This is what I have to say to you. If you're looking to make your Moth debut on a Pittsburgh stage, on a Boston stage, on any one of our stages, check out our site, themoth.org, for tickets and more information. But more importantly, know that Moth crowds are famously warm and supportive and there to see you shine. 

That's all for this week on the podcast. Until next time from all of us here at The Moth, have a story worthy week.

Julia: [00:17:44] Dan Kennedy is the author of Loser Goes First, Rock On and American Spirit. He's also a regular host and storyteller with The Moth.

Dan: [00:17:52] Podcast production by Julia Purcell. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.