Host: Jenifer Hixson
[overture music]
Jenifer Hixson: [00:00:13] From PRX, this is The Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Jenifer Hixson.
In this hour, hesitations giving pause, that feeling of not so fast or maybe tomorrow instead. We'll hear stories about school, dating, competitions. And in our first story, job obligations. Theresa Thames told this live in Alaska at the Atwood Concert Hall, where we partner with the Anchorage Concert Association. Here's Theresa.
[applause]
Theresa: [00:00:46] It's New Year's Eve, and I'm at church. This is the worship service that people come to on New Year's Eve if they don't want to drink, they don't want to party. Unhoused neighbors would come to this service for safety. I was there, because I was the pastor. I had chosen the short stick, so I ended up at this service on New Year's Eve.
So, there I was getting everybody together, getting ready to do the liturgy. And this couple walks in, and they are overly dressed. She has on this fitted ball gown and he has on a full tuxedo. They stood out. After that service, they came back. Sunday after Sunday, they would sit together. She eventually joined the choir. He asked me to baptize him. And I did. But one particular Sunday, they came up to me so excited, all hugged up, and they said, “Pastor T, we want to ask you a question. Will you marry us?”
For those who do not know, pastors do not like weddings. We do not want to spend our Friday and Saturday with you and all of your family drama. Weddings are actually the cacophony of mama bridezilla, drunk brother, stepmom, stepdad don't get along, the kids running around. No. No. But before I could get my no out, they said, “Pastor T, our wedding will be in Hawaii and we will pay you all expenses, fly you first class.” [audience laughter] “Yes. Yes, yes, yes, I would love to do your wedding.” I had never been to Hawaii, never flown first class, all the way from Washington, D.C. So, I was there. I made a vacation out of it.
I get there, and its 4th of July weekend. This wedding is what a wedding is supposed to be. The bride is adopted from Korea. Her adopted family has this estate overlooking the waterfront in Hawaii. It is magnificent. Everyone is making a fuss over the bride. I am there as the pastor, but also, I am there as a newly divorcee. I don't know if I believe in this type of love anymore. I don't know if I believe in all of the oohs and aahs. But as the bride is walking down the aisle, I have a little bit of hope. I'm able to see that these people really do love each other. I've seen their love grow Sunday after Sunday over the last couple of years. So, the wedding is done, I'm feeling good.
And then, I do the other thing that I typically do not do, confession number two. Pastors hate wedding receptions. You know what happens at a wedding receptions? People pull you to the side and they want you to solve the family drama, “It's out now. You are the pastor. So, they want you to pray about something. Somebody wants to confess something to you, or somebody wants to take you in the corner to show you something weird.” I typically do not do wedding receptions. It's alcohol and people. No, but I was in Hawaii, so I danced. I took that robe off. I was free. We danced until 04:00 in the morning, because I had made a vacation out of this trip. I was walking around the streets in Hawaii the next day, soaking up the sun.
And then, when I looked around, I realized that Hawaii is for lovers, for families. That's where people went to honeymoon and family vacation. And that love, that type of family romantic love was not something that I held anymore. And so, I took my broken heart back to the hotel room with some takeout, and chocolate covered macadamias and pineapples. I was eating and crying and watching something on the TV, and I was like, “Girl, if you don't get out of this hotel room, you are in Hawaii.” So, I was like, “Okay, I need to do something.”
So, I go downstairs to the hotel lobby. They have that kiosk, but all of the brochures of what to do while you're in a place. I looked and I found one that said, Hike Diamond Head Mountain. It was like a beginner's hike, easy, anybody can do it. I was like, “All right. You know, I can do it.” So, I'm from Mississippi. I ain't never been on no hike before. I don't know what to pack. I packed some water bottles, lunch, a basket, some scissors, rope. I don't know what you need on a hike. [audience laughter]
I put my hair up. I had these long dreadlocks. I put my hair up, put on my sandals. Here we go. I took public transportation to Diamond Head Mountain. I get there. I'm going, we hiking, feeling good. And then, five minutes in, reality set in. Three things were against me. Number one, it is 4th of July weekend and it is hot as hell. I am sweating so hard that chocolate drops are following me behind. [audience laughter] I'm hiking and I'm breathing.
Number two, that pamphlet lied. This was not no beginner's hike. I was going up the rough side of the mountain. These fitness enthusiasts were running past me like gazelles. I wanted to trip them. [audience laughter] I am struggling here. The third thing that was against me was that at the time, I was literally 250 pounds heavier than I am now. So, I'm carrying all of this weight, and I'm sweating and I'm hot. I'm having labored breathing, and it is-- This isn’t beginner's hike.
So, I'm going up and I'm trying to get to the top. I'm slowing down. I'm out of water, the sun is beating. I get to the point of the hike where the path is narrow. I'm waiting on the side, because I just can't physically do it and I was like, “Girl, do not fall out on the side of a mountain in Hawaii. This is not the place.” I get to the almost to the top, and there's a tunnel that you have to go through. And then, my heart started palpitating and I was having anxiety. I was about to turn around, and I was holding up the line, trying to breathe and I was embarrassed, and I was ashamed and I was like, “You know what? I can say that I made it this far.”
This strange couple, I didn't know them, they came up to me and they said, “What if we go with you? If you put your hand on my husband's shoulder and I put my hand on your shoulder, we'll guide you through the tunnel.” And step by step, we entered the tunnel. I felt claustrophobic. It was pitch black. I'm sweating and I'm breathing. And then, there was this coolness inside. There was no light, but there was no sun. We're shuffling through, and I'm breathing. Before I knew it, the light was coming in through the tunnel.
As I exited, it felt as if I had been born again. This sense of accomplishment that I did this thing and the view was so worth it. I'm all in my fields. I'm crying. People are cheering for me. I move over to the side with my book bag full of all this stuff and I'm crying. I'm taking selfies. People are taking pictures with me. I have a whole congregation on top of the mountain. [audience applause]
I'm sitting down on the ground with this book bag. The next thing I know, I let my hair down and I just start cutting my hair. I'm crying and just cutting lock by lock of my hair. Before I left D. C., I read somewhere a quote from Coco Chanel that says, “When a woman cuts her hair, she is ready to change the world.” I sat on the ground, and I'm cutting and I'm crying, and I'm cutting and crying. My congregation is starting to get concerned. [audience laughter] They're not really sure about this. There's not a lot of melanated people on their mountain either. So, they're like, “We don't know what's going on.” But there was this freedom. I put my hair in this basket.
As I turn around to go back through that tunnel down, I was not afraid. I was ready. I was confident. I was like A-Tisket, A-Tasket. I got hair all up in my basket. [audience laughter] I was ready. I felt like one of the gazelles going down. It was amazing. I get on the bus. I get back to the hotel. I look in the mirror and I looked a hot as mess. [audience laughter] There was no mirror on the mountain. My fro was all raggedy and crooked. [audience laughter] I straightened it out.
As I looked in that mirror, I saw myself. I saw me. I wasn't hiding behind any hair. 11 years of hair I had grown, and it was me. Me. And then, I did another badass thing. I slathered my body down with whatever banana boat sunscreen they had in that bathroom. I put on a two-piece swimsuit. [audience cheers and applause]
I took my basket of hair and I sashayed through the hotel lobby without a cover up on. [audience cheers and applause]
I walked out, and there was this huge rock right on the edge of the water. I walked out to that rock and I put that basket of hair in the Pacific Ocean. As I watched that basket float away, what I knew, is that in that basket was not just 11 years of locks. It was 11 years of compromising, it was 11 years of bad love, it was 11 years of not having boundaries, 11 years of settling, 11 years of turning around, 11 years of not seeing myself. [audience cheers and applause]
And I was free. I was free. A year later, back in D.C., my life radically changed. And on a Sunday, a year later, that couple stood before me. But this time, they stood before me, so that I could baptize their baby girl. And they named her Grace. I went to Hawaii to do a wedding. I cut off my hair. But a year later and all of these years later, I've been overwhelmed by amazing grace. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer Hixson: [00:12:33] That was Theresa Thames. She's kept her hair short ever since that haphazard cut on the mountaintop. She gets it done professionally these days. Theresa is a dean at Princeton University. Her hike at Diamond Head Trail was a starting point.
Theresa continues to climb mountains, run races and she has completed two half marathons. Theresa has also officiated many more weddings. And it seems that her faith in marriage was restored, because she ultimately found love and got remarried.
To see a picture of Theresa in Hawaii on the Diamond Head Trail, visit themoth.org, where you can also download this story and others in this hour.
[victorious music]
Coming up, a kid with Tourette syndrome navigates elementary school, and a woman turning 60 tries internet dating, when The Moth Radio Hour continues.
[victorious music]
Jay: [00:14:03] The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by PRX.
Jenifer Hixson: [00:14:14] This is The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jenifer Hixson. In this hour, we were hearing about reluctance.
Our next story was told by Ryan Roe at the Philadelphia GrandSLAM at Union Transfer. Here is Ryan.
[cheers and applause]
Ryan: [00:14:31] Thank you, guys. So, I was five years old when I was down at the Children's Hospital in Philly. And I was diagnosed with Tourette syndrome. Now, if you don't know much about Tourette's, it's a nervous system disease that causes someone to twitch uncontrollably. It can either be motor tics or verbal tics. For instance, my tics as a kid were mostly like doing things with my mouth or kind of twitching my head like that. I also had verbal tics, like, I would grunt and, just make noises [onomatopoeia] a lot like that.
When you're diagnosed with Tourette's, there's not a lot that doctors can do for you. They gave me some pills that can calm the tics a little bit. They had a lot of side effects and they didn't work all that well. They also gave me a DVD with the title I Have Tourette's But Tourette's Doesn't Have Me, [audience laughter] which is way too long of a title. [audience laughter] It doesn't fit on the poster. It doesn't flow.
I remember watching this DVD. And on this DVD, there was another five-year-old with Tourette's and he said, “Tourette's makes you a marked man.” And me as a five-year-old watching this thought, that's way too profound [audience laughter] a thing for a five-year-old to be thinking. But in a lot of ways, he's right. When you have Tourette's, especially as a kid, you feel like you have this scarlet letter. It's often the first thing that people notice about you and make judgments upon. It's really hard to have any confidence in your own voice when you have this looming cloud of embarrassment and self-consciousness.
I grew up in a small enough community where there was teasing and things, but eventually all the kids knew me and they were used to it. And unfortunately, the people that I really had a problem with were teachers, because usually, every year, the same thing would happen. My parents would meet with our teacher, and they'd tell them about my disease and they'd say, “Well, it'll probably be fine, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there.”
And then, at some point throughout the year, there would be a breaking point where the teacher no longer had any patience with me, all the support was gone, the mood around me changed. All of a sudden, I'd be getting called out in the middle of class in front of people. I'd be sent outside to sit out right by the door and listen into the class. A lot of teachers would pull me aside and just directly to me, not even to my parents, tell me that they think I should be homeschooled or I should join the kids in the special needs class.
As a kid, this is heartbreaking, because with everything else that you have to deal with, not just in school, but out in public, and there's constant stares at you, you feel like the one person who should really have your back is your teacher. So, when I didn't feel like I had that support, it was very frustrating.
But I did have one really great teacher. When I was in fourth grade, my teacher was named Mrs. Bragg. Now, Mrs. Bragg had been teaching for over 30 years. She had seen everything. There was nothing that could faze her. And at one point, we were doing a project called Famous Pennsylvanians. It's actually really neat. Each of us was assigned a famous Pennsylvanian from history, and we would research our Pennsylvanians and then dress up as them and do presentations. It was really a neat thing.
I was assigned Roberto Clemente, who, if you don't know, is a famous player for the Pittsburgh Pirates. I was really excited about this. I had tons of fun reading about him, and researching him and dressing up as him and things. One day, we were in the school library, and it's quiet in there and I was just having one of those really bad tick days. I was really loud, I was really embarrassed, but there was nothing I can do about it. There's no way I can control it. I could feel the eyes of everyone in the room staring at me.
Just as the frustration in me was building, Mrs. Bragg calls me out into the hallway. And I thought, well, there it is. I should have seen this coming. This is what happens every time I broke her. I came out into the hallway, and she looked down at me and she said, “You know, Roberto Clemente also had Tourette's.” And I said, “Really?” And she goes, “Yeah, he actually twitched just like you did. He would have trouble during interviews and things, but he never let that stop him. He worked really hard, he ignored others and he became one of the best at what he did.”
And that meant the world to me. It was like I had never heard of anyone successful who had my disease. And so, just for a moment, I felt like I was normal. I had hope for the future. And it really meant the world to me when she told me that. And for years after that, every once in a while, I would have one of those aggravated tic days, and I would think back to that and I think, what would Roberto Clemente do? He would work hard, he would ignore others and he would never give up.
And then, just a few years ago, I was thinking about that and I thought, I've never actually googled that. [audience laughter] So, I go to google Roberto Clemente Tourette's. There's nothing that says [audience laughter] he ever had Tourette's or anything like it. She completely made it up just to make me feel better, and it's one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me.
So, now, every once in a while, I still have those days where I feel self-conscious. But this time, I think to myself, what would Mrs. Bragg do? [audience laughter] She would work hard, she would ignore others and she'd never give up on me. Thank you very much.
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer Hixson: That was Ryan Roe. I caught up with Ryan over the phone to talk about what he's up to these days.
Mrs. Bragg is the hero of your story, obviously. Can you tell me a little bit more about her?
Ryan: Sure. Mrs. Bragg was my fourth-grade teacher. She was just wonderful. My story of her being very sympathetic to me, whereas a lot of teachers would have been very harsh on me, perhaps. It's just one of many stories that a lot of other students I know have about her just being extraordinarily kind. I think with her experience, she was teaching for a really long time at that point, she had just seen so much that she knew that what kids really need is just a friend. They need an advocate in their teacher. And that's what she was.
Jenifer Hixson: Yeah. I'll say that move was very creative. The Roberto Clemente move she played, I don't know, I've never heard of another teacher doing anything like that.
Ryan: Yeah. When I think back on it, I think in that moment where she saw that I was frustrated in the quiet library, and she saw that I was feeling insecure about other people looking at me, Ryan, more than anyone right now, needs someone to tell him that it's okay, that he matters and that he is not weird. It just meant so much to me, and it meant more than anything else she could have said.
Jenifer Hixson: It was just the perfect thing. So, Ryan, how did the rest of school work out for you?
Ryan: So, after fourth grade, luckily, I was able to stay in public schools for the rest of grade school. Some teachers that were really kind about my disease and some that weren't. But luckily, when you develop Tourette's at such a young age, usually as you grow older, the symptoms start to die down. That's what happened. And so, then I went on to college and now I'm in law school. I'm also volunteering with different Tourette syndrome charities and associations as well, just to try to help kids who are like me, who are struggling in school.
Jenifer Hixson: That must be so cool for them to hear you.
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely. I think being able to show these kids that, I had what they had and yet I was able to still soldier on and find advocates and find success.
Jenifer Hixson: So, are you ever tempted to use the Roberto Clemente line on anyone?
[laughter]
Ryan: Not exactly. I wonder sometimes. No, I haven't used that on anyone. Maybe I should. Who knows? [Jenifer laughs] I feel like nowadays kids are quicker to google things.
Jenifer Hixson: Yes, definitely. And how does Roberto Clemente figure into your life these days? Do you think of him often?
Ryan: Yeah, I still think of him all the time. I'm a die-hard Philly sports fan. I love Eagles and the Phillies and the Flyers and the Sixers. But I'm also a big fan of the Pittsburgh Pirates ever since fourth grade.
Jenifer Hixson: Aww. Because of Roberto. Is there anything else you want people to know about Tourette's?
Ryan: We're trying our best to control it. It's like any other disability, I guess. We just want to be treated normally. We just want to be treated with patience.
[victorious music]
Jenifer Hixson: That was Ryan Roe. At the time of this recording, Ryan is a student at Villanova Law School with hopes of becoming a trial attorney. Although his tics once made him terrified of public speaking, he's now a regular at The Moth StorySLAM in Philadelphia, and he relishes the idea of arguing cases in front of a jury. In his spare time, he volunteers with a local group that supports young people with Tourette's.
Our next story was told by Linda Grosser at the StorySLAM at City Space in Boston, where we partner with public radio station WBUR. Here's Linda.
[cheers and applause]
Linda: [00:25:28] So, I'm walking down Newbury Street on my lunch break, and there's this older woman just ahead of me. And then, I stop and I'm gazing in the window and she stops. As I look at her reflection, I realize it's me. [audience laughter] Oh, my God, when did I get so old? I was always the baby in the family. So, whenever I get to one of those decade milestone birthdays and you think about what does that number mean and where am I in my life?
Anyway, later that night, I am sitting in my third-floor apartment just feeling completely sorry for myself. I'm divorced, I have a dent in one breast from cancer surgery and I am full of self-judgment, where am I in my life and who is going to want me? But I did not want to be alone. So, I had no choice.
When I put up my online profile, I lied. [audience laughter] I took four years off of my age. [audience laughter] And then, I really got out there. I learned how to swing dance. I learned how to sail. I read a lot of Pema Chödrön. She's this Buddhist nun. I am lovable. I am good enough. But oh my God, dating in midlife--
First, there's George. I really liked his profile and then I get to the bottom, message me if you are under 40. And then, there's Lyle. Lyle was tall, sexy. We had something going. And then, I find out he is dead broke, and he starts to stalk me. And Stuart. We talk, we decide to meet. I go into Panera’s. “Oh crap, that is Stuart over there, but he looks so old.” Of course, I justified my lie, because my pictures were current.
Well, this was my dating life. It happened like 16 times, except there was only one stalker. [audience laughter] I was disillusioned. I did not like lying, but I was not ready to be honest. So, I took my profile down and I say, I'm just going to go to meetups. You don't have to give your age. You just show up. That was working really fine until it was the fall. And I, for the first time ever, I am approaching a dreaded milestone birthday. And I realize, Linda, like it or not, on November 28th, you are going to be 60. Oh, God. I'm thinking, well, if I have to be 60, I am going to go out in style and have a really big party.
So, now, I'm at my friend, Deborah's. I'm in her foyer and I am surrounded by 25 of my most beloved family and friends. I see Jerry and Richard in their tuxedos, because I wanted the attire to be fancy. And Janet and Mike are standing by the punch bowl where they squeezed 50 limes to make my favorite drink, Cosmopolitan's. And my kids, Taylor and Spencer, they made a dance mix, they brought the weed. [audience laughter]
The outpouring of love, I was walking on air. It was just incredible, because that party changed me. I decided that number, my age, just did not define me. And I let go of my own ageism. I'm back at home and I say, okay, I am ready for the truth. I grit my teeth, I put my profile back on and I put on my true age.
I go out to a meetup that night in Democracy House in Harvard Square. It was a Latin band. I met a guy. I think his name was Mark. We chatted and I liked him. He didn't ask for my number. I was disappointed, okay, no big deal. I go home. Next morning, now I'm getting these emails from the dating app. And I open this one profile. Guy is cute. He's 63. He dances. He sails. And now, I'm looking, he looks familiar. Oh, my God, this is Mark, the guy from last night at the meetup. So, I read his message. “Dear Linda, I was really glad to find and read your profile this morning. When we met last night-- [chuckles] when we met last night, I thought you were too young for me.” [audience cheers]
Well, I knew this 60-year-old body was going to be just fine [audience laughter] and I was going to give that Markman a chance. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer Hixson: That was Linda Grosser. I asked how things turned out with Mark. And she wrote, we had some wonderful years together. Dancing to Latin, jazz and swing, traveling, sailing, cycling, cooking and laughing. Linda added that they did eventually break up, but she said that's a whole other story and that they are still good friends.
To see a picture of Linda at her 60th birthday party with her sons, visit themoth.org, where you can also download the story or any of the stories this hour. And while you're there, maybe you'd like to pitch a story of your own. Perhaps, you found love on a unique path or during a wild adventure or on a dating app. We want to hear your pitches. You can pitch us a story right on our site or call 877-799-M-O-T-H. That's 877-799-MOTH.
In a moment, an author suspects that writing about jigsaw puzzles will be a bore until he finds a way to piece it all together. Ba-dum bump. Couldn't resist. Sorry. That's when The Moth Radio Hour continues.
Jay: [00:32:45] The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by PRX.
Jenifer Hixson: [00:32:57] You're listening to the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jenifer Hixson. We're hearing stories about people doing things that they were pretty sure they wouldn't like. Our next storyteller, A. J. Jacobs, is typically enthusiastic about his work. He's an author, journalist, lecturer and human guinea pig who experiments with things like spending a whole year trying to follow every single rule in the Bible, or practicing radical honesty or reading the entire encyclopedia.
His latest book is the Puzzler. And this story takes place while he was reluctantly prepping for what he knew would be his least favorite chapter. Here is A. J. Jacobs at College Street Music Hall in Hartford, Connecticut.
A. J. Jacobs: [00:33:42] All my life, I have loved puzzles, all kinds of puzzles. Crosswords, riddles, mazes, you name it. They are my great nerdy passion. But there is one puzzle that left me cold, jigsaw puzzles. They always seem more like a chore, loading the dishwasher. Plus, I found them anticlimactic. You get to the end, you put in the last piece and you're like, “Oh, look, it's three kittens on a beach towel.” Exactly like the three kittens on the beach towel on the cover of the box that I've been looking at for three days. Surprise.
So, I didn't love jigsaws, which was fine. But then, a couple of years ago, it became a problem, because I am a writer and I signed up to write a book about puzzles. I knew I had to have a chapter on jigsaws. They are the prototypical puzzle. So, I began, as I always do, with Google, and I type in jigsaws and I click and I click. And on the seventh page, there is a very interesting entry. It is the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championships.
Now, I did not know that competitive jigsaw puzzling was a thing. It seemed to me the best part of jigsaws was that you could take your time. They were kind of relaxing. So, it seemed a little weird. It seemed like a world series of napping or [audience laughter] a meditation cage match. It didn't make sense to me, but there it was. In a few weeks in a small city in Spain, was the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championships. So, on a whim, I fill out the application and I send it and I figure, this is the first in a long series of trials. I'll be weeded out.
Next day, my email pings, “Congratulations, Señor Jacobs. You are officially captain of Team USA [audience laughter] and the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championships in Spain.” So, my reaction is, “Holly mierda.” This is not good. It's not the Olympics, but still I'm representing my 300 million fellow Americans and I am vastly underqualified. I haven't finished a jigsaw puzzle since I was eight years old. My only skill was I filled out the application and no one else did.
So, first, I need to assemble my team. I had signed up for the four-person event. [audience laughter] So, I walk into our living room, and there's my wife and two of our teenage sons. [audience laughter] And I say, “Who's ready to do their patriotic duty?” [audience laughter] They are less than enthused, but they agree reluctantly as long as they don't have to wear any kind of uniform. I'm like, “No problem. That's fine.”
All right. Next, I need a trainer. So, I call up this woman named Karen Kavett, who has a very popular YouTube channel devoted to jigsaws. And Karen, she's great. She schools me, because I'm like, “Okay, so you start with the edges, right?” And she's like, “Oh, no. Not necessarily. If it's a very colorful puzzle, you start with the colorful inside and work your way out to the edges.” I'm like, “Oh.” [audience laughter] Then I say, “But you always sort by color, right?” She's like, “Not necessarily. Sometimes, if it's a big blue sky, you should sort by shape instead of color.” So, I'm writing this down. I'm like, “This is gold. This is gold. This is going to get me the championship.”
So, next, it's time for training. On the next day, me and my son are at the dining room table. I dump all the pieces out. It's a puzzle of a Dr. Seuss painting of a bunch of fish in a lake. So, we're sorting, we're sorting, and I see two pieces that look like they might fit together. So, I take the outie and I put it over the innie, and I press down and I feel that soft click. And I'm like, “Wow, that feels good”. [audience laughter]
So, then I do it again. I see two more and I'm like, “Ooh, some more dopamine.” [audience laughter] And I was like, “These were meant to be together.” In physics in high school, I remember they taught us the second law of thermodynamics that everything tends towards disorder. But here in my apartment, order is having a little victory over chaos, and it feels awesome. I also realize I am an easy convert. I am a cheap date. I hated jigsaws all my life. And here, after 10 minutes, I'm hooked.
A few weeks later, we're on a red eye flight to Madrid. Team USA, that is. [audience laughter] I'm fantasizing like, “Maybe we're the Cinderella story of this.” We're like the 1980 US ice hockey team. Miracle on ice or Miracle on cardboard or whatever they're going to call us. We land, we take a two-hour train ride north and we arrive bleary eyed at the arena. But there is no doubt we're in the right place. There are thousands of jigsaw fanatics, jigsaw tattoos everywhere, jigsaw jewelry, jigsaw themed clothing. I should say here that Team USA is also wearing jigsaw themed T-shirts, which I know I told my kids they wouldn't have to, but this is my first international world championships. How? I'm not going to wear themed T-shirts.
So, I had designed them myself. They were a jigsaw piece with the American flag colors on it. And if that wasn't enough, there was also a motto in Latin that said, “E pluribus unum pectora.” Out of many, one picture. [audience laughter] So, my sons said, “If this appears on your social media, we are going to begin legal emancipation proceedings.” [audience laughter] And I was like, “All right, I get it. You don't love it.” We're shown to our table and we're right next to the Turkish team, which is four women. They have long skirts with a jigsaw pattern. One of them has her hands clasped and her eyes closed, and she's saying a prayer.
I also say a secular prayer, which is that, please don't let us fight over who gets to put in the last piece, which is something we've experienced. My wife, Julie, is doing leg stretches like she's about to run a 5K. [audience laughter] And she's like, “I can't believe how nervous I am.” And I'm like, “I'm nervous too.” My hands are so clammy, I'm worried that the pieces are going to slip through my fingers. The announcer comes on stage and he says, “Okay, here are the rules. You have eight hours to do four puzzles. The puzzles range from 1,000 to 2,000 pieces.” “Oh, thank you for that all.” [audience laughter] Three, two, one, begin puzzling.
So, we grab the first puzzle. It's of a safari scene. I look around, and I'm immediately stressed out. All the other countries, they came prepared. They have their jigsaw equipment. They have razor blades and knives to rip off the plastic on the box, and we got nothing. So, we have to open those boxes with our fingernails like barbarians. [audience laughter]
So, we do it. We pour them out. It becomes clear that the monkey is going to be a problem. It's the same color as the tree. My wife starts trash talking. She's like, “Monkeys, you used to be my favorite animal. Don't make me hate you, monkeys.” [audience laughter] And I love it, because she was reluctant at first, but now she's all in. So much so that she has pledged not to go to the bathroom for the full eight hours, which is unprecedented. [audience laughter]
So, we start making a little headway on the rhinoceros. I spot this piece on the floor, and I pick it up, like that could have been a disaster. So, I'm feeling okay. I look around. I don't feel okay anymore. All the other teams are much farther ahead than we are. And the Bulgarians, their hands are moving so fast, [audience laughter] it looks like I have a video on double speed. But there's nothing-- We can't cheat, because there are dozens of proctors in yellow vests wandering the floor.
One of them takes a special interest in us. He comes over and he starts chanting, “USA, USA, USA.” [audience laughter]. And I'm like, “Gracias. That's our country.” [audience laughter] Maybe, maybe he's cheering us on, but we are so far behind. I'm pretty sure he was mocking us, [audience laughter] which reminded me like, I am in danger of humiliating my country. So, we keep going.
Three and a half hours later, there's a hubbub on the other side of the arena. All these people are crowded around a table. They've got their cell phone cameras out. I say, “What's going on?” And the Bulgarian guy says, “Well, that's the Russian team. They're almost finished.” I'm like, “Finish the first puzzle?” He's like, “No, finish all four puzzles.” It's been three and a half hours, and I had heard before the tournament the Russian jigsaw team was a force to be reckoned with. I know what you're thinking. There's no evidence of doping, [audience laughter] so get that out of your mind.
But a few minutes later, there's an even bigger roar. And four women emerge from the scrum, and three blonde women and one brunette, they've got the Russian flag draped over their shoulders. They bound onto stage. The announcer says, “Champions of El mundo.” And they are beaming. And we are slack jawed. We're like, “How did that happen?” But I say to my sons, “Keep puzzling. It's all we can do. Keep puzzling.”
We keep going. But every five minutes, there's another roar. Mexico finishes. Japan finishes. Finally, at six hours and three minutes, Team USA finishes our first puzzle. [audience laughter] Yeah, you clapped a little too early. We finished our first puzzle. It's something. So, we high-five each other. And we grab the second puzzle, which is even harder. It's all red. So, red fingernails and red fire trucks.
Before we know it, the announcer says, “Tres, dos, uno.” Hands away from the table. It's over.” We look at each other, and we shrug and we laugh. My wife goes to the bathroom. [audience laughter] Not there. She runs to the bathroom, I meant to say. [audience laughter] Just a little bit later, they post the results on a TV screen, and I jostle my way to the front to try to see where we are. And I look at it and I look down, and down and a little more down. And there, right near the bottom is Team USA. But this is important. Not at the bottom.
[cheers and applause]
We thank you. Yeah, we beat one of the hometown Spanish teams. So, we were not last. We were second to last. [audience laughter] And to me, that was a huge victory. And coming in second to last wasn't even the best part of that day. The best part was that Team USA was there, we were in the mix in this community of people who were passionate. They were united by their love of uniting little cardboard pieces.
After the tournament, there were hugs. The Turkish women gave us jigsaw shaped cookies. The Russian team gave us a teddy bear, which was their mascot. I know that world politics is very complicated. It can be ugly. The pieces don't always fit. But here in this arena, in a small town in Spain, for just a moment, we transcended that, thanks to jigsaw diplomacy. [audience laughter] So, at that moment, it could not have been clearer that I was wrong. Jigsaws are not a waste of time. Jigsaws are magic. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Jenifer Hixson: That was A. J. Jacobs. Despite coming in second to last, the founder of the tournament asked A. J. to help create the USA Jigsaw Puzzle Association. The following year, Team Jacobs was unable to attend, but six American teams competed and two of them placed in the top 10. And so, America has been redeemed.
A. J’s book is The Puzzler: One Man's Quest to Solve the Most Baffling Puzzles Ever, from Crosswords to Jigsaws to the Meaning of Life. To see a picture of the original Team USA, A. J., his wife Julie, and their two sons, visit themoth.org, where you can also find a shareable link to the story.
That's it for this episode. We want to thank all of the storytellers in this hour who would all probably agree. Just try it. You might like it. And here's hoping you'll join us next time.
[overture music]
Jay: [00:49:40] This episode of The Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison, Catherine Burns and Jenifer Hixson, who also hosted the show and directed the stories in the Hour. Coproducer is Vicki Merrick. Associate producer, Emily Couch. Additional GrandSLAM coaching by Larry Rosen.
The rest of The Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin Jenness Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Klutse, Lee Ann Gullie. Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Sarah Jane Johnson and Aldi Kaza. Moth stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers.
Our theme music is by the Drift. Other music in this hour from Jackie Mittoo, Cory Wong with Béla Fleck, Gaucho and Hermanos Gutiérrez. We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts.
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by PRX. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.