Host: Marc Sollinger
Marc Sollinger: [00:00:01] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Marc Sollinger. And on this episode, whether you watch the big game for the great plays, for the seven-layer nachos, for the funny ads, for the halftime performances, my personal favorite game was the one Beyoncé played at football, like storytelling brings people together. Because these three stories aren't just about football. They're about family, growing up and the things that are revealed by the games we play.
First up is Dame Wilburn, who told this story when she hosted a Mainstage in Traverse City, Michigan. Here's Dame, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Dame: [00:00:44] Some random snowy Saturday. When I was a freshman in college, I sat down at the cafeteria table with my friends, the Klingons. Now, they basically were an amalgamation of dudes that you would never let into a fraternity. [audience laughter] They were art majors, theater majors and English majors. They were all like Heavy Duty Sci-Fi nerds and Trekkies. [audience laughter] When I sat down, these guys were talking about football.
Now, football is my favorite sport. I used to spend every Sunday watching the Detroit Lions lose with my mother. [audience laughter] And every Sunday, my mother would say, “Damie, you could play for the Lions. [audience laughter] I mean, you could play for the Lions.” Now, I'm sure she meant it as an insult, but I took it to mean that my latent athletic ability meant that I could be a football player. [audience laughter]
So, when they were discussing this at breakfast, my ears popped up, and I said, “Are you guys going to play football?” And they said, “Absolutely.” Now, I need you to understand that the Klingons had made themselves into a fraternity and they all had nicknames, right? So, there was Oscar the Grouch, Beaver, Chew Toy, there was Dr. Detroit and then there was Buddha.
Now, Buddha was 6’4” and weighed about 325 pounds. He was a wrestler, had a 4.0 GPA, a theater major and he sang Tenor in the Magical Ensemble. [audience laughter] This is what happens when you go to a liberal arts school. [audience laughter] So, I said, “Yeah, I want to play football, but are you guys playing real football?”
Now, I'm not an athlete. So, the way I had gotten out of doing any athletics was telling everybody I wanted to play football. The way I had gotten out of playing football is that with a girl most people want to play touch football, or play flag or whatever. So, when I said real football, they said, “What do you mean?” I said, “I mean tackle.” The guys looked around and said, “Well, no.” I said, “Well, if you're not going to play tackle, I'm not going to play with you.” And they said, “You want to play tackle?” Yeah. They are like, “All right, meet us at the front lawn of the school in about 30 minutes. Turn your phones off.” [audience laughter]
So, I go back to the dorm, change into my most fluffy, cushiest clothes and I am excited, because I've seen the Lions play. I know how to play football. I'm prepared. [audience laughter] So, we get outside. When I get outside, everybody is picking what position they want to play. And I say, “Linebacker.” They said, “You sure you want to be a linebacker?” I'm like, “Look, I don't run. I don't catch. I don't throw. [audience laughter] The best I can bring to the table is I'm an immovable object. [audience laughter] Linebacker.”
I knew that football couldn't be that complicated, because it made perfect sense. You attack whoever isn't dressed like you. [audience laughter] I got it. The guys that are wearing blue are on my side. You're wearing purple, you die. [audience laughter] I figured it out. So, we go to line up, and Buddha lines up across from me. [audience laughter]
Now, I go into a three-point stance. Again, I've watched football, so I know what I'm doing. So, I go into my three-point stance and Buddha gets into his, and I figured this would be a perfect time to sort of smile at him and remind him that I'm a human being. [audience laughter] I need you to pull up instead of murdering me. When I looked at Buddha, he wasn't there. Have you all watched Shark Week? [audience laughter] You know how when a shark goes to bite you, the eyes roll over white? He had that kind of thing. Y'all remember Jaws when the guy said he's got-- he's like "Doll's eyes, like his dead eyes. He doesn't even seem to be living until he bites you.” He had those eyes. [audience laughter]
I knew I was in trouble. I was either going to have to walk away and hear this story for the rest of my life. “Dame was going to play football, but then she saw Buddha and she quit.” I didn't want that to be the narrative. So, I get even deeper into that three-point stance and I hear, hut, hut, hut, and then nothing. Have you ever been hit by a train? [audience laughter] Have you ever been hit by a train that was full of other trains? [audience laughter] When I woke up/came to, I looked over to my right and there was two inches of dirt, an inch of dead grass and another two inches of snow. Buddha had used me to dig a tunnel. [audience laughter] The ground was so messed up that when the spring came, maintenance would go out and put in more turf in that spot. [audience laughter]
When the feeling came back in my fingers and my toes, I tried to play it all. So, I popped up out the hole, [audience laughter] I told the guys I forgot I had an appointment today. [audience laughter] I need to go change. So, I apologize for my absence, which was coming quickly, and I jogged into the dorm. By the time, I got to my dorm door, that's when the pain hit. I got inside, choked down a couple aspirin, took the hottest shower of my life and stretched out on my bed. I didn't even make it to dinner. Moving seemed an impossibility.
The next day, I was feeling much better. So, I got up, and I walked into the cafeteria, and all the Klingons stood up and they all started clapping. [audience laughter] I walked over to the table and said, “What are y'all clapping about?” They said, ‘You're the first person in history to be tackled by Buddha who walked off the field under their own power.” [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause]
That story spread like wildfire throughout the entire school. Now, it didn't endear me enough to the men folk to get me any dates. [audience laughter] I'm assuming knowing that a woman could get tackled by a 6’4” dead eyed monster and survive it, isn't really sexy. [audience laughter] But I figured out something else. My mother was right. I could have played for the Lions. [audience laughter] Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Marc Sollinger: [00:08:30] That was Dame Wilburn. Dame is a storyteller, Moth Mainstage host, and host of her own podcast, Dame's Eclectic Brain. Her storytelling began as a way of keeping cool in the summertime on her grandmother's porch in Macon, Georgia. Dame has also presented storytelling for the University of Iowa and UCLA. She lives in Detroit, Michigan.
While we were putting together this episode, the Lions were about to face off against the Commanders. I was curious if Dame had any thoughts about the Lions path to the big game. Here's what Dame had to say. “My mother was the football watcher in my house. So, my mother and I would watch the Lions every year. She would scream at the TV and tell them all the plays they messed up. She used to tell me that two things would never happen in her lifetime. One, there would never be a black president, and two, the Lions would never make the big game.
My mom died in 2007. And the last thing we watched together was the big game. I have lived long enough to see a black president, and this year, I believe the Lions are going to the big game. I am living my mother's dream. Unfortunately, in the next game, the Lions lost to the Commanders.” But hopefully, for Dame, they'll be back next year.
Our next story is from Tina Moore, who told this at a Houston StorySLAM, where theme of the night was Control. Here's Tina, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Tina: [00:09:59] In one sentence, he knocked the wind right out of me. “Mom, I think I want to hang out with my friends on Friday.” “What? We have been bonding over buttered popcorn in Pixar animation films since he was two.” That's it. It's official. It is not cool anymore to go to the movies with your mom. That was it. I'm like, “He's starting high school in two weeks. I got to get control here. I got to find a common thing where we're going to bond.” So, I did what anybody else in my shoes would do. I joined his fantasy football league. [audience laughter]
Even though I'm from Wisconsin, I know absolutely nothing about football. But what I got going for me is I'm competitive, and it is me against those nine little shits. And this mom is going to do it. Get home from work, it's the night of the draft, I got my strategy ready. I am picking my team based on last names, okay? [audience laughter] So, I need a quarterback, Tom Brady. Brady Bunch, favorite show growing up, boom. [audience laughter] I need a kicker Gostkowski. Polish name. I'm half Italian. Boom. Boom. [audience laughter] So, my team is doing pretty well. They're performing for me. Me and my kid are actually talking more than, “Hey, how was school?” Fine. We're on the way to school. I'm going, “Did you see Miami? Their defense killed me.” And he's going, “I know, mom. I feel your pain.”
So, I'm just going to take it one step further, okay? It's his 14th birthday. We're going to a Seattle Seahawks game, his favorite team in Los Angeles. October 8th. We land. I got exactly 46 hours to put as much fun as I can before kickoff. We filled our faces at In N Out Burger, cruised down the Hollywood Boulevard, saw the stars, went to the wax museum, that was it, went back to the hotel, exhausted. The plan was we go to sleep, we wake up in the morning, we watch a little bit of football. I drive this to the stadium at 11:00 AM.
Yeah, that plan didn't go over all because a cup of coffee was taking the elevator down to the hotel lobby to get a cup of coffee and there she was, the ultimate Seahawks fan. I'm talking Hawk tattoos, jersey, leggings. She's actually wearing blue and green Converse that are completely bedazzled with Go Hawks. Get into a conversation. The next thing you know, I got my coffee in my hand, I'm taking the elevator up and whip open the door, turn on the light, my son's like, “Oh, mom, come on.” I'm like, “Dude, we got 30 minutes to get dressed. Get downstairs. We are going to a tailgate party with Richard Sherman's parents.” He's like, “What?”
I'm thinking, I have no fucking idea who Richard Sherman is. [audience laughter] But this lady just invited us, and we're sharing a lift and you're going. We get to the game. We get pictures with Mama Sherman. We're hanging out. My new friend gives him a poster. We get into the stadium, and she's like, “This is where you stand, Jackson, to get autographs.” Oh, my God. My shy, socially awkward kid is screaming at the top of his lungs, “Russell. Russell Wilson.” All of a sudden, not only did Russell Wilson sign his jersey, nine players signed that poster. And Pete Carroll, the coach, gave the kid a piece of gum. [audience laughter] I was actually crying, okay?
So, we sit down. And all of a sudden, I'm like, “Oh, my God, they got to win. This trip cannot end with--". Yeah, it was really fun, and it would have been better if the Seahawks won. So, we're in the stands, okay? It's the fourth quarter. I got a bunch of millennials sitting behind me that are completely calling the game, the entire time. There's a play and they're like, “Yeah, okay, I'll take that.” Okay. So, the guy says to his friend, “Dude, you got to get me a beer.” He's like, “Hey, get your own beer.” He said, “No, no, no. No, no, no. It's 13:10 up, Seahawks. The last time I got up and got a beer, the Rams intercepted.” It's like, “Oh, my God, you're right.” [audience laughter] It's like, “Okay, give me eight bucks. I'll get your beer.”
“I don't have any money. What do I need to get you a beer?” And he's like, “Dude, you are not understanding me. I got up. I got a beer. I paid for the beer. And there was an interception.” The guy's like, “Oh, my God, you're right. You're right.” I'm thinking to myself, oh, my God, stop going back and forth. I'm about ready to pull out eight bucks, throw it at the guy and say, “Listen, get the beer. He can't leave. They have to win. And if he doesn't win, it's on you.” [audience laughter] Okay.
Five seconds left in the game, right? Here comes Goff. The Seahawks are up, 16:10. The Rams are in a position to score. Goff, he looks. He goes wide. He goes right down the middle, throws it to cup. Cup doesn't make it incomplete. Everybody's going crazy. I am jumping up and down. I am high-fiving people that I don't even know. The guy behind me spilling his beer. And then, all of a sudden, my son reaches over, and he gives me a hug and he says, “I love you, mom. This was the best trip ever. For my 16th birthday, I want to go to Seattle and see a home game.” [audience laughter] And I'm like, “Okay.” And I said, “Do you want to go with your dad this time or maybe a friend?” [audience laughter] And he's like, “No, I want to go with you.” Just like that, he knocked the wind right out of me.
[cheers and applause]
Marc Sollinger: [00:16:15] That was Tina Moore. Tina has shared stories on Moth stages in Atlanta, Milwaukee, Santa Monica and Houston. Her tales often center on her two dogs or beloved pets. She lives in Atlanta with her husband and two dogs, Dollywaffles and Caesar. I asked Tina if she got more into football after the events of the story. Here's what she had to say.
“That fantasy football season was my one and only finishing in the top four. Not too shabby for a rookie mom. From College Kickoff, Go Georgia Bulldogs to the NFL's big game, football takes center stage in the Moore house. This past Christmas, the whole family gathered to watch the Georgia Notre Dame championship game together. Truth? I still have no idea what's really going on, but I can definitely talk a good game.” Honestly, Tina, same.
Quick fact before the break. If you're wondering why we're calling it the Big Game, it's because a certain football organization owns the rights to the more commonly used name, and we do not want to make them mad. So, if you ever see a bar ad for the Big Game or the Superb Owl and you're thinking to yourself, why aren't they calling it what everyone calls it? Well, that's the reason. Stick around.
There are a lot of reasons that people watch the Big Game. And if you ever wanted to know what the staff of a storytelling nonprofit thought about American football's biggest night, well, here you go.
Female Speaker: [00:17:40] The one time and the only time so far that the Seattle Seahawks won the Big Game, everybody was calling out of school, out of work to come to the Big Parade afterwards. And I woke up that morning, my dad was like, “You are not going to school. We are going to the parade. This is history.” Last year, I held a party where we ate superb, delicious dishes out of bowls, like dips and chili and punch. And I called it the Superb Bowl Party.
Male Speaker: [00:18:08] My most memorable moment was in 2001. I was watching my favorite team, the Rams, played the Patriots and we lost in a last-minute field goal. I'll never forget how we didn't get those 30 seconds back or have that extra time, but I always will root against the Patriots going forward.
Female Speaker: [00:18:23] Having been born and raised in New Orleans, I haven't watched a game in all earnest since the Saints won. It was such a special time for our city.
Female Speaker: [00:18:30] My very favorite memory of the Big Game is when Prince performed at halftime. I mean, he sang Purple Rain in a driving rainstorm. I don't remember who played, but I'll never forget Prince.
Female Speaker: [00:18:44] Okay, so the Big Game for me was always about the food more than the actual game, the food and the commercials. We would always get all my college friends together starting at like 10:00 AM, and we would just have the most inappropriately large spread of food from wings to every dip you can imagine, like the Buffalo dip, the seven layer dip. There was always like this one suspicious dip that you never really wanted to test until you'd had about 17 beers.
Marc Sollinger: [00:19:10] We'd love to hear your football stories or really any story you might want to share. Go to themoth.org/pitchline to give a two-minute version, and we might air it on The Moth Radio Hour or call you back to develop the story further for one of our Moth Mainstages. That's themoth.org/pitchline.
For most of my life, I was never really a football person. Outside of tennis, I was never much of a sports person, in general. However, I did have a Pittsburgh Steelers helmet that I wore pretty much continuously from the ages of four to five. Was it because I saw a Mister Roger’s episode about Lynn Swann, the legendary Steelers receiver, performing ballet and that somehow made me declare myself a huge football fan who would not let his mom take off his football helmet even though I didn't actually understand the game of American football at all? Yes. Yes, it was. But for one year, when I was very little, I was the biggest football fan in my hometown of Brussels, Belgium.
Our next storyteller also had a connection with the Pittsburgh Steelers from a young age. Adam Bottner told this at a Chicago StorySLAM, where theme of the night was Backwards. Here's Adam, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Adam: [00:20:27] So, in 1972, I am 10 years old, and I just fall in love with football. I love playing it with my friends every weekend in the park, and I love watching the NFL on Sundays every week. I'm not very good at playing in the park, so I start focusing more on the watching of it on Sundays, and I just fall in love with everything about football.
Now, my family had moved from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania a couple years before. So, in the early 1970s, the Steelers became a great team. In 1972 is really the first year that they had been great in 40 years. So, that was the year I started liking football. So, I decided I was going to be a Pittsburgh Steelers fan. I fell in love with one particular player named Franco Harris. He was rookie of the year in 1972. He was a great running back from Penn State, and he was my guy.
The Steelers were great that year. They went to the playoffs for first time in 40 years, and I was so excited. I stayed home to watch the playoff game. They played the Oakland Raiders in the first round of the playoffs and the Steelers were losing 7 to 6. As time was running out, they had about 20 seconds left in the game, Terry Bradshaw, the quarterback for the Steelers, fades back probably the last play of the game was fourth down. It wasn't going to happen. He throws it down field, ball gets batted down, game should be over. But out of nowhere, Franco Harris appears magically and grabs the ball just as it's about to hit the ground. He shouldn't even have been in the area supposedly. He picks it up. Nobody even tries to tackle, because nobody can figure out what just happened. He runs 50 yards for a touchdown, the Steelers win. I'm out of my mind. I'm so excited. Franco Harris is my hero for life at this point. The Steelers are my favorite team. It's ridiculous how much I love the Steelers.
The crazy thing was we had a friend in Pittsburgh who somehow became friends with Franco Harris, somehow. He knew how much I loved the Steelers and Franco. So, he would send me stuff in the mail. I'd get an autograph picture. I'd get the Franco's Italian army T-shirt, which Franco was part Italian, and the Italian community in Pittsburgh embraced him. So, I was just so in love with Franco. It was ridiculous, obviously. But you're a 10-year-old kid and these things happen. You just get so focused on these things. It can only happen to a 10-year-old.
I grow up though, and he continues to be my hero. It's just ingrained in your brain. You can't help it. I loved Franco Harris, did so much that in 1975, I invited him to my bar mitzvah. [audience laughter] I loved the man. And he was so cool that he actually sent me a telegram and said, “I can't make it. I'm actually playing that Saturday night. I'll run up a few yards for you.” It just more etched in my mind how much I love Franco Harris. And so, I was just so lucky.
This friend of ours, this Max Gomberg from Pittsburgh, he actually took me to two Super Bowls in the 1970s. That became my identity, was I was the guy from Pittsburgh. I lived in Chicago, but I was the guy from Pittsburgh. I had the only Pittsburgh Steelers jacket in the neighborhood, and I just love the Steelers. So, now, flash forward 40 years. Max Gomberg actually became my hero too, because he did all these things for me. I don't know why. He was just such a good guy. I think he didn't have kids till later and I was just this kid that he took under his wing. And so, as happens to everybody, Max passes away and he had a great life.
My family really didn't keep up with Max as much as I did. And so, I flew out to Pittsburgh to go to his funeral, because he was my hero. And so, I go to Pittsburgh. And in the back of my mind, I am hoping that Franco Harris might be at the funeral. [audience laughter] I can't say that was my motivation, but I'm thinking that would be pretty cool if he was actually there. So, I go to the funeral home, and I say hi to Max's family and I'm looking around and there's no Franco. And I'm like, “You know what? Grow up. You're 50-some-odd years old. [audience laughter] This isn't why you were supposed to be here. This wasn't supposed to happen necessarily. Just be a man.”
So, I start walking out of the funeral home, and all of a sudden, Franco Harris, THE Franco Harris walks in. I was about to go to my car to get, to go to the funeral procession to the cemetery and THE Franco Harris walks in. My jaw drops. Like a 10-year-old kid, I'm catapulted backwards in time to when I was 10. I was like [onomatopoeia] [audience laughter] I couldn't contain. Fortunately, fortunately, I didn't say anything because if I would have, it would have been really ridiculous. I would have been like making an absolute fool of myself at a funeral, of all places. [audience laughter] You just don't do that. So, it was amazing that I had this wave of common sense that came over me and allowed me to not do this really stupid thing that I was contemplating.
And so, I get in my car and I'm about to start driving, all of a sudden, I look a silver Honda Pilot right in front of me. Franco Harris is getting into his car. So, I thought maybe he was just paying his respects, he's going to go home. He's a busy man. He's like the mayor of Pittsburgh, basically. And now, he's in his car, he's getting in the funeral procession. So, I get in my car and I try and get like-- I get wedge in between, so I can now be directly behind Franco Harris. Why? It mattered that I was right behind Franco Harris’s car in a funeral procession. I don't know why it was so important to me, but I was willing to bang into other cars and stuff, so that I could be in the line right behind him. [audience laughter]
Obviously, once you're in the funeral procession, you're locked into that position. Nobody is going to be in back of Franco Harris besides me. And so, I'm so excited. I'm calling my friends. I'm like, “His license plate is X175,” and I'm so into the idea that I'm in the funeral procession behind Franco Harris. It's ridiculous. And I'm 50 something years old, so stupid. But I can't help it, because it's like I'm a 10-year-old again. And so, we get to the cemetery, he parks, I park right behind him. He walks right there to the graveside service, and I'm like, “Oh.” So, I stand right next to him.
At this point, it's weird. It's just so ridiculous that I'm following this man around. So, I'm standing next to Franco Harris, and finally, I'm like, “Okay, grow up. Say something. You want to say something? Say it.” So, I look at him, I go, “Franco, I have to tell you.” I start telling him how I know him. And I said, “Max was a very good friend of ours. You have no idea how much you affected my life. You changed my life. That was my identity.” I said, “Max was my hero, but you were also my hero. And you have no idea how much you affected my life. You were like my hero.”
And he goes, “Come here.” He hugs me with this big bear hug. He's a big man. He's got these big bare hands. And I'm like, “This is unbelievable.” I'm catapulted to when I was 10 years old. I'm sure I had a dream. Not at the funeral, but I'm sure I had a dream about hanging out with Franco Harris. And over the past few years, I have been working on myself and I've been reading a book called The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It teaches be in the moment, don't go in the past, don't go in the future, stay right here in the moment. And it's great. It's changed my life. But I will tell you something, sometimes going backwards feels really, really good. [audience laughter]
[cheers and applause]
Marc Sollinger: [00:27:09] That was Adam Bottner. Adam lives in Buffalo Grove, Illinois and is a director of legal solutions for a technology company. While his favorite pastime these days is telling stories, he has also written several screenplays, the most recent being Searching for Frenchy Fuqua. For more info, check out our show notes.
I asked Adam, if he had any thoughts on this year's playoffs. Here's Adam, “The first playoff game I ever saw was December 23rd, 1972, the Steelers Raiders Immaculate Reception game, where Franco Harris miraculously grabbed the ball just before it hit the ground and ran 60 yards for a last second touchdown to win the game. So, for me, that was a really high bar to set for playoffs games ever since.
Very excited for the playoffs and the big game this year, but since the Steelers lost in the first round, I'm rooting for the last remaining Pittsburgh like city, the Buffalo Bills, to win it all. Apparently, the storytellers in this episode are cursed because the Bills also did not make the big game. Well, here's hoping that the Bills and more importantly the Steelers have better luck next year.”
That's it for this episode. From all of us here at The Moth, we hope in your next big game, you score as many metaphorical touchdowns as possible. Marc Sollinger is the podcast producer of The Moth, the co-creator of the audio drama Archive 81 and the science fiction concept album Generation Crossing. He's a lover of museums, baking bread and he's also someone who feels very strange reading his own bio.
This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson and me, Marc Sollinger. The rest of The Moth’s leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Jenifer Hixson, Kate Tellers, Marina Klutse, Suzanne Rust, and Patricia Ureña.
The Moth Podcast is presented by Odyssey. A special thanks to their executive producers Jenna Weiss-Berman, Leah Reis-Dennis. All Moth stories are true as remembered by their storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.