Host: Dan Kennedy
Dan: [00:00:01] Hey, welcome to The Moth Podcast. I am Dan Kennedy. And thanks for tuning in for another batch of stories. This week, we have three stories on the podcast for you.
And we're going to start off with something from Eno Inwek. She told this story that you're about to hear at a Moth StorySLAM we did in Los Angeles. The theme of the night was Busted.
[cheers and applause]
Here's Eno.
Eno: [00:00:26] One of the worst things that's happened in the world, is that people have a bad impression about what Nigerians are. To me, it means being really good at negotiating. [audience laughter] I'm really good. My father saw that when I was a little girl, and he said, "You need to become a businesswoman." And in 2001, I opened a business where I started selling jewelry.
[audience holler]
I'm really good at persuading people, and my goal was to find good deals for my customers. I can convince anyone to do anything. I can convince you that your name is not yours. And more importantly, irrespective of your race, that I am your mother. I am that good. [audience laughter] I ran out of options where I would find good deals. And my friend Manny said, "I know one website where you can get good deals." Guess what he said. Craigslist. [audience laughter] But who's going to take this Nigerian? Nobody. [audience chuckles]
So, I started looking. I was a little scared, but then I said, "I'm Nigerian. Who's going to take me? You got this." I started back and forth with this one guy. And guess what? I met a guy. He had some jewelry. He owned a store. He's going out of business, and he's going to give me a good deal on 10 boxes of jewelry from Turkey, India. It was a win-win. I called him. "Hi." I gave him my middle name, because it was Craigslist. [audience chuckles] "Hello. My name is Georgette." "Ah, Georgette. This is Dominique. Are you French?" "No, let's just get back to business." [audience laughter] "Okay. Meet me at the corner of La Cienega and Pico. Do you know where that is?" "I know. I'll meet you there."
I get there and the whole time thinking, he could kill me, murder me, I don't know, deport me. But guess what? [audience laughter] He didn't. Little French guy, very nice accent. But I didn't want to get distracted by his accent. "Georgette, here are the boxes. Open them. Look at them," all the jewelry that I wanted. I came here with such trepidation. Why do we judge people like this? Because it's Craigslist. All this guy was trying to do was connect with me as another human being. He even gave me a free bracelet, "Georgette, just put it on. You're very sexy. Put it on. It's very nice." [audience laughter]
So, we do this deal. 10 boxes of amazing jewelry, handmade, just like I wanted, from Jaipur, Brazil. Amazing stuff. 10 boxes. We did this whole thing, and he said, "It's going to be $1,000. This was $2,000 at first.” "Well, I don't have it." Negotiating back and forth. It turns out, I got this. [audience chuckles] I convinced him to give me these boxes at $1,000, but I only had $700 with me. "Let me go to the bank. Can I trust you to stay here?" "I'll be here, Dominique. Don't worry about it. I got you." I go to the bank, get the remaining $300 and he was there. Why do we doubt humanity like this? [audience laughter]
Excited about this deal, I called a customer of mine who likes to buy the same type of jewelry. I was about to, in real time, make half my money, because each box could bring me about $500. So, I said to her in my own accent, "Okay, meet me at La Cienega and Pico. I have a hookup for you." [audience laughter] I was excited. I was about to become rich in two seconds. I get back, Dominique is showing me all the deals. "Georgette, this is amazing. Good for you. My loss is your win. I put them in your car.” By the way, he had this very shady, rip-looking van. I didn't want to go close to it at first, [audience laughter] but ultimately, he brings the boxes and he loads my car. And my friend customer is showing up at the same time.
He was so friendly. But I was really disappointed when after I gave him the money, he just disappeared. Whatever. Bye, Dominique. I got my deal. My customer comes through. I say, "Hey, get whichever one you want. It's going to be 500 bucks." She's excited. I'm thinking all the money I'm going to be making in the next few days. And she says, "Where's the jewelry?" "Oh, pick any of them." She's taking out papers and books. [audience aww] She doesn't know how to look inside a box properly, so I help her. And there's packing paper, books and popcorn. Packing popcorn. I don't even know how one gets that much packing popcorn. What happened?
I didn't look inside the boxes when I came back, but it was just one box. But then, there was two and three. And now, at the corner of La Cienega and Pico, were tons of paper and books and wrapping paper and packing popcorn. My customer looked at me. "I don't think I'll be buying any jewelry from you today." I'm still looking at this mess, thinking, where the hell does one get this much packing popcorn? [audience laughter] I'll tell you where. Craigslist.
[cheers and applause]
Dan: [00:05:23] That was the first and very last time that Eno fell victim to a scammer. When we reached out to her, she said, "As industrious and vigilant as Nigerians are, you'd be hard pressed to trick them." As for Eno herself, she swore never again would something like that happen to her. So, obviously, we're wishing her all the luck in avoiding future scams.
Eno Inwek is a storyteller, author and YouTuber from Nigeria. She currently lives in Los Angeles, and she's working on a script called Blindsided by Divorce. Speaking of money woes, I guess those were jewelry woes, but they led to money woes.
Next up, we have a story from Caoimhe Creed. And she told this story at our StorySLAM in Dublin. And the theme of the night was Nine to Five. Here's Caoimhe, live at The Moth in Dublin.
[applause]
Caoimhe: [00:06:27] So, when I was a teenager, I worked in a local shop. It was like a discount shop, like what we called a pound shop, even though we'd had the euro for a decade then. [audience chuckles] So, for Americans, that would translate pretty literally into dollar store.
So, I usually was the only person there in the shop, because I was really small, there was no need for anyone else. So, I was the only person there and a kid came in or a man came in to mug me. He had a weapon. [audience chuckles] It was like a kitchen knife, like the kind you use for cutting steak if you don't have enough money to buy the proper knives for cutting steak. Like, just quite a sharp knife, but still not a very impressive weapon. [audience chuckles]
But I was like 19. [chuckles] And he had his hoodie drawn over his face and he looked like, if you were to draw like a cartoon mugger, that's what he looked like. [audience chuckles] He came in and he actually said, "Give me all your money." I thought I was being-- I don't know if being punked was still a thing, but I thought it was a joke. I was looking at him like, “Who are you? What's going on? What's happening?” And, no, he was actually coming in to take all of my money. [audience chuckles]
When you're a teenager and being trained into a shop, they always say if someone comes in and asks for the money, give them the money, because we have the money insured and you might die, and that would be worse for our insurance. [audience laughter] So, [chuckles] after a minute of being like, "Are you joking? I'm really confused." You have to say it twice. "Give me all your money." Because the first time I was just like, “Oh.” [audience laughter] It kind of kicked in and I was like, “What am I supposed to do here?” I'm supposed to open the cash register and give him all of the money. So, I opened it.
And then, after that, he was taking the money out of it. The kind of fight or flight response kicked in and I had a moment of being like, “Hold on, I'm working and I'm making less than €10 an hour, and he's just going to take all of that money.” And he hasn't earned it. I felt really indignant. I wasn't really thinking straight, but I knew I was annoyed and I knew that this was injustice. [audience chuckles] And so, I tried to stop him by sticking my hand to swat him away, but he had a knife. So, he stabbed me [audience laughter] in the hand. So, this is the story of how I got stabbed. [audience chuckles] That shocked me.
I was looking at my hand like, "Oh, my God, you just stabbed me." [audience laughter] I still felt like I was living some cartoon or something, because the guy came in, "Give me all your money," and then he stabbed me. [audience chuckles] It was only really when blood was dripping onto the counter and I was like, “Nope, this is real. This is a thing. This is actually happening.” He was screaming at me, because the 50s were under the counter and I was like, “Well, he's not getting those.” [audience laughter] [audience applause]
He knew that the 50s were hidden somewhere. He took the coin drawer out and threw it on the floor to look for the 50s underneath, and I was like, “Oh, I'm going to have to clean that up.” [audience chuckles] There were coins all over the floor, blood all over the counter and I was like, “Such a mess.” [audience chuckles] I was still obviously in shock, not really processing what was going on. I didn't realize there was actually another customer in the shop down the back of the shop. She had probably been standing there going, “That girl's getting mugged. What am I supposed to do?” [audience chuckles]
Eventually, she actually came up to the guy and put her hand on his shoulder, and she was like, "Leave her alone." And I was like, “Who are you, my knight in shining armor?” [audience chuckles] And then she was like, "In Jesus name, leave her alone." [audience laughter] And then, again, being an atheist, I was like, “Oh, come on.” [audience laughter] [audience applause]
But it worked. He was obviously had the fear of God. So, eventually, he left disappointed, because he didn't get the 50s. I was still not really sure what was going on, but I did get a piece of kitchen paper and wipe off the blood from the counter, because I didn't want my boss to have to do it later. A man came in, then about a couple minutes later with a hurl, like the stick, and I was like, “Not again.” [audience laughter] But it turned out that he had seen what was happening, gone to get a weapon and came back to try to help. But it was too late, because the Jesus lady had already saved me. [audience laughter]
My boss came in then a few minutes later, and I was like, "I'm really sorry. He took all the money." And he was like, "But are you okay?" And I was like, "He stabbed me. I'll be okay." [audience chuckles] The guards came, and then the rest of it's kind of a blur. I was like, “But he didn't get the 50s.” [audience chuckles] The rest is kind of a blur, but I remember the woman looking at me and being like-- She looked at me really serious. Like, a earnest expression that I don't think I've ever had in my entire life. She was looking right at me and she was like, "Your Lord was looking out for you today." And I was like, “If I had been less horrified, I would have been like--” [audience chuckles]
She gave me a hug and she was like, "You know, if you didn't believe up until now, you know, now you're a believer." And I was like, “Am I?” I wasn't. I didn't change my perceptions. I still don't believe in God, but I do believe in people a little bit more, because I couldn't believe that she had done that for me.
[cheers and applause]
Dan: [00:11:58] That was Caoimhe Creed. She said that after this incident, she was a bit more paranoid every time she was in an enclosed space. But she's working through it. She now works as a tour guide and education officer in Dublin Castle. She's also a writer and she's currently working on a fiction podcast about religion in Irish schools and cryptozoology, which is the study of animals and other creatures rumored to exist. Quite the natural Venn diagram there for some folks. I could see how those two might intersect.
So, we have one more story for you this week. And we had a monthly StorySLAM in Dublin for a while there. We've eventually turned it over to our Dublin based producers, Julien Clancy and Colm O'Regan. They've just started a brand-new podcast which features the best stories from the Dublin StorySLAM. So, we're going to share a story from their new series with you here today, and it's going to appear on their podcast later this year. So, this is a sneak peek for Moth listeners. And this story was told by Martin Hughes at the Dublin StorySLAM, where the theme of the night was Heroes and Villains. Here's Martin.
[applause]
Martin: [00:13:11] Good evening. So, of the many jobs I've had over the years, about 10 years ago, I did a brief stint as a taxi driver. I had this eight-seater minibus, and used to ferry people back and forth to pubs. I was doing that very thing one night in November. There was snow on the ground, frosty white stuff everywhere. I had a bunch of girls in the car, and I was dropping them off to a housing estate in Lusk called Orlynn Park. And on the way into the estate, I noticed a car parked on the side of the road with the engine running. It didn't seem to be anybody in the car, so I didn't pay much, pass to it.
Anyway, I dropped the girls off, took a few minutes, because they were like, "Oh my God, you're so handsome." And I was like, “Oh, God. [audience laughter] I'm old enough to be your cousin, older cousin.” [audience laughter] On the way back out, the car was still there and the engine was running. In the wintertime, you can see the fumes coming up and so and so. So, I pulled up beside the car to have a look and I noticed a hose in the exhaust pipe. I jumped out heroically as you do, and I pulled the hose from out of the car and I went around to the driver's door and I opened the door, and there was a young man slumped on the seat. He appeared to be unconscious.
So, I took him out of the car, put him on the ground. I checked him over. He was breathing. He had a pulse. He was fading a little bit, but he was there. So, I rang an ambulance. The ambulance was duly dispatched. I waited with the young man. He was only like 20, just a baby. I noticed his phone on the ground. He had the beginnings of a text message to his dad. And at that moment, I decided that I would ring his dad. And the reason I decided to do that was, I come from a very large family of 11 people in our family, 11 children in our family. We had a couple of accidents over the years.
My dad used to say, "If you're not coming home, if you're out flying your flag, [audience chuckles] ring home and tell us you're not coming, because your mom's going to stay up all night worrying otherwise." We've had the guards come to our house a couple of times, and it's an awful experience. So, for that reason, I decided to ring his dad, which I did, and I explained the situation. I said, "Look, your son's here. He's unconscious, but he's fine. The ambulance is coming." So, he arrived down about the same time as the ambulance arrived, and they took over. They took him off in the ambulance. The dad went with them. He shook my hand, said, "Thanks very much," I put my cape and red underwear back in the boot [audience laughter] and headed off home.
I wasn't actually the better for it, so I went home. I've had enough now. That's enough for anyone to see for one evening. So, the next afternoon, the dad rang me and he said, "The young man has woken and he's fine, and they're going to keep him overnight again for observation and stuff." He asked if he could bring the young man down to me to say thanks. And I said, "I'd rather you didn't, because I don't want you coming back in a little while and tell me that he successfully managed to kill himself. Also, I was kind of the bad guy here because I stopped him from doing what he wanted to do, so it could all go badly wrong." So, I said, "Look, you know what, just look after him, keep an eye on him and farewell and good luck." So, that was November.
A few days before Christmas, I got a text message from the dad saying, "I know you don't want us to contact you, but I'm thinking of you today. Merry Christmas. All is well." And I replied, "Merry Christmas. That's fine." I got the same text message for the next four years, every Christmas, a few days before Christmas, "Thinking of you. Merry Christmas. All is well." On the fifth year, I didn't get any text message. And my wife said to me, "Did you get your annual text message from that guy?" And I went, "No, I didn't." I just realized now that I'm quite concerned about not getting the text message that I didn't want in the first place. [audience chuckles]
So, in the first week in January, I got a text message from the dad saying, "Belated Merry Christmas. [audience chuckles] Thanks for that." [audience laughter] He said, "We were away. [audience laughter] We were away in Spain, because young man had gotten engaged.” [audience aww] They decided to go on a family holiday in Spain." At that time, as you might remember, to send a text message or phone from abroad was so expensive you'd have to sell a kidney to pay for it when you came back home. [audience laughter] So, that was the reason he didn't send a message. And I was like, “Fuck, I was up all night.” [audience laughter] You know what I mean? So, I said, "Right. Okay, it's fine. Thanks very much. I'm glad everyone's okay."
So, every year since that I get a text message a few days before Christmas from the dad saying, "Thinking of you today. Merry Christmas. All is well." [audience aww] And can I just like to say before take this home with you this evening. It's okay to not be okay. Thank you very much.
[cheers and applause]
Dan: [00:18:57] That was Martin Hughes. Martin is a multimedia artist and qualified civil celebrant who performs weddings, baby naming ceremonies and funeral ceremonies. When he first took part in the Dublin StorySLAM, he did it to help practice and improve on his public speaking. But since then, he's become and is still going strong as one of its biggest fans. If you'd like to hear more stories from these Dublin SLAMs, check out the Dublin StorySLAM podcast. You can find it on iTunes, Stitcher and anywhere else you get your podcasts.
That does it this time around. If these stories ever make you think of your own, and we hope they do, you should hit our site. Find out more about how to pitch that story to us. You can also call our pitch line. We would love to hear from you. And until next time, have a story-worthy week.
Mooj: [00:19:48] Dan Kennedy is the author of Loser Goes First, Rock On and American Spirit. He's also a regular host and storyteller with The Moth.
Dan: [00:19:56] Podcast production by Timothy Lou Ly. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.