Host: Dan Kennedy
Dan Kennedy: [00:00:02] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Dan Kennedy. This week we're talking about crowds, getting lost in them or maybe even finding your place in the crowd. First up, Tere Figueras Negrete. Tere told this story at a Miami StorySLAM where theme of the night was “The Fast Lane.” Here's Tere live at The Moth.
[applause and cheers]
Tere: [00:00:26] So how many of you guys have experienced the magical wonderland that is Miami-Dade Public Transportation system? [audience applause and cheers]
So I take the train every day from Civic Center on my way home. So the other day, like normal, we are chugging along southbound, when all of a sudden the train rolls to an ominous stop. No big deal, it happens. But we all kind of look up from our cell phones, see what's going on. When all of a sudden a woman yells, “Oh, my God, there's a man on the tracks.” Sure enough, there's a guy, a normal looking guy, kind of looks like Alton Brown. It is not Alton Brown, but he's like booking it down the tracks. We hear helicopters in the distance, police sirens. I found out later that this guy was shoplifting at Merrick Park, and Coral Gables police have launched like this Seal Team 6 Level Manhunt because, like Coral Gables, right? [audience laughter]
So we are stuck on this train with no power until they catch this guy for three hours. It is a dismal hellscape. There is no air conditioning. There's like babies crying. Why are there so many babies on the train? The conductor keeps wandering in with these like, sassy but unhelpful updates. Like, “I think that guy must be smoking a flakka.” Like, not useful information. [audience laughter]
So I decided to make the best of it and introduce myself to my neighbors. On one side there is Tony, a very cool 20 something, who I assume is either like a DJ or a graphic designer. And then there is Danny, who is studying to be a paramedic. And halfway through this ordeal, Danny just announces loudly to the whole train, “I think we should just turn the power on and just fry that guy.” And I'm like, “Danny, bro, your shit got dark real fast.” [audience laughter] And he just looks at me by way of explanation and says, “Lord of the Rings, bro.” And I'm pretty sure he means Lord of the Flies. But I don't want to be a bitch about it. I also have not read Lord of the Rings, so maybe there is like a famous scene involving like a tree and a wizard and, like, I don't want to get into it. So at that moment, we hear this booming voice out of nowhere from the back of the train. Like the voice of God, “I am diabetic, claustrophobic, and narcoleptic,” which is like an amazing list of afflictions.
So we turn to see the source of this voice, and it's this tall guy with a HEAT jersey and sunglasses. He has enraptured the whole train and then starts to make demands. “I need water, snacks, and freedom.” Like, holy crap, this guy is Braveheart. He is the William Wallace of the Metro rail system. You, sir, have our attention. “And bus passes for a month. Bus passes for a month, ladies and gentlemen. Who is with me? We need to stand united for justice.” So Tony, the DJ graphic designer, stands up and starts chanting, “Bus pass. Bus pass.” And Danny, the Tolkien loving sociopath, starts chanting, “Power to the people. Power to the people.” The whole train is clapping and cheering, and we are no longer strangers on a train. We are a movement.
And just when I think that Danny and Tony are going to, like, pry open the doors of the train and we're going to rush out into the tracks, like the cast of Les Mis, storming the barricades, demanding free bus passes and snacks from Miami-Dade Transit. Just like that, the train rumbles to life and we begin to move. And the moment is over. Everyone scrambles for their bags and their babies and their cell phones. [audience laughter] But I learned something important that day about myself, about Miami. I learned that we are all just speeding along on our own parallel tracks, on our own fast lanes, never intersecting, rarely connecting, never thinking about where we are, always thinking about where we should have been already. But when it all comes to a screeching halt, we are all ultimately bound by three universal but simple truths. Water, snacks, freedom.
[applause and cheers]
Dan: [00:05:30] That was Tere Figueres Negrete. Tere spent 15 years as an award-winning reporter and editor with the Miami Herald, covering, in her words, “The murder, mayhem, and assorted mischief of the 305.” Her storytelling has been featured on NPR, in Reader's Digests, the best stories in America, and in the Lifetime series Her America: 50 women, 50 States. Tere lives in South Miami with her favorite audience, her husband and two sons.
Next up, a classic Moth story from Adam Wade. This is one that we're bringing out of the archives actually. Adam told this story almost 10 years ago here in New York City at a SLAM where theme of the night was Anger. Here's Adam Wade live at The Moth.
[applause and cheers]
Adam: [00:06:25] How you doing? My name is Adam Wade. I am originally from New Hampshire. Two years ago, I had the lowest point I had living in New York. At the time, I was living in Hoboken, New Jersey. I hadn't worked for a full year. I had worked my way up from a basement apartment to an apartment on the third floor. And I had to give it up and move in with my friend Trisha, God bless her, with a lot of cats. And I'm like, asthmatic. So it was, I guess, the summer, and I'm sitting in there and she has a place at the Jersey Shore. And this is me and the cats. And I got my air filter and my humidifier going, and I'm not working, I've had interviews. Everybody says I'm a nice guy, but they won't hire me. And I was just so frustrated. And the cable wasn't working. I go, “I need to do something to make me happy.” And I like roast beef sandwiches. [audience laughter]
I had $7 in my wallet. I go, “I'm going to go to the shop, right? I'm going to get a nice Italian bread, I'm going to make it myself. And then I'm going to quarter pound of boar's head roast beef, rare. And we're going to be all set.” So I go in and there's a gentleman, he kind of looks like Eric Roberts from Pope of Greenwich Village. He's working behind the deli, and he's just kind of shaking. And he's waiting on this elderly Italian lady, solely, he's waiting on, I guess, 61. So I take the number and it's 62. And I'm just waiting there. And she's like, “Hi, John, how's your mother?” And they're talking about his mother. And I'm like, “Come on.” I got absolutely nowhere to go, but I like to get my roast beef and my rolling and get out of here, you know? So they're finally done and I'm like, “All right, hey, John, I'll have a quarter pound.” And he's like, “Excuse me.” And then this other elderly Italian lady cuts me in line and say, “How's your mother?” And he's like, “She's off dialysis.” And they're going back and forth and I'm like, “All right.” I mean, I'm a laid back guy, but I just, like, I'm getting there, you know? And so I'm sitting there and she ordered a lot of stuff for a little lady. [audience laughter]
So finally. And I'm ready to jump on it. So they say goodbye, “Say hi to your mother.” And I go, “quarter pound of boar's head” and just as I said, two, like, there must have been twins, elderly Italian, cut me a line. And they order like the whole place. And I'm sitting there and I'm starting to get pissed off. Man. And as I'm going there, a lot of yuppies are, they're gathered around, so there's a lot of people now. And I'm holding on to my number, and I'm starting to shake. And so they're like, “Tell your mother we said hi.” And he's like, “I will. Bye, ladies.” And then I go, “Quarter pound of boar's head right now.” And he's like, “Excuse me, I’ve got to make a phone call.” And I just go, “Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.” And, like, all the yuppies are looking at me like I'm a jerk. And I'm like, “Jesus, this guy—"
so he goes, makes a phone call, and he's at least five minutes, and he comes back. And I know, “Okay, there's no-- I don't see any [panting] elderly Italian ladies. It's just me and the yuppies.” And I got my number. I'm all set. So he hits the numbers thing, but he hits it twice. And he goes, “All right, number 63.” And then I just stop. I go, “Wait a minute. I got 62. I've been waiting here. You let half of Italy-- cut me. You know what I mean? I'm ready to go. And I go, I want a quarter pound of boar's head roast beef, and I want it rare. Please, John.”
And like, the poor guy, like, I thought he was going to start crying. He's like, “I'm so sorry, sir.” I go, “Don't worry about apologizing. Just get me my meat.” [audience laughter] So he cuts in and he's doing it, and he gets in and I just grabbing. I’ve got to admit, like, I'm having such a tough time. I felt good at yelling at someone. It just made me feel really good inside. And I'm still shaking. So I'm heading to the cash register, and one of the elderly Italian ladies that cut me grabs my arm. She goes, “Shame on you. Shame on you. John's mother's sick.” And I'm like, “Can I just walk?” [audience laughter]
I get my roast beef when I go home, and I'm still shaking. And I get the cat scram, and I'm making my sandwich. And I can't stop thinking about John's mother. And it's like, the way I am, I'm just sitting there like, “John's mother. Jesus Christ, this poor guy.” I'm not hungry. So I Google, ShopRite, Hoboken. And I get on the phone and I go, “Please, can I have the deli department?” John answers. I go, “John, it's Adam Wade.” And he's like, “Who? I go, “I'm the guy that just came in the yellow that you had the recorder—” He goes, “Oh, yes, I remember.” And I go, “You know, I'm really sorry.” And I go through my whole spiel, “I'm having a rough summer.” And he's just always like, “Don't worry. You seem like such a nice boy, because you'll get a job. Don't worry.” It made me feel so good. [audience laughter]
And I'm like, “You know, John, how's your mother doing?” And he's like, “She's off dialysis, but she might go back.” And we're going on and on, and it's like the best 15 minutes of my life. And then he cuts me short. He's like, “You know, Adam, I'd love to keep talking to you. It's been a great conversation, but there's a lot of people here that want their meat and cheese.” [audience laughter and applause]
So for the rest of the summer, I went in three or four nights a week. Some nights I wouldn't even get anything, but I would like, I didn't have money to go to bars. I talked to John, see how he’s-- You keep the faith, and then I met Wilma that did the samples, and I'd have samples to eat, and then Dorothy at the checkout, 15 or less. And, like, they helped me, you know, And I'm fortunate to say, like, I had a job for a year and a year straight, and I just go, I can't go in every night to ShopRite, I got a life. But I go in on Saturday afternoons, and it's packed, and it's always really busy. I just get my grape nuts and cranberry juice. But I'll always, no matter what, I'll always go and say hi to John if he's there, and I'm like, “Hey, John, how you doing? How's your mother?” And he's, like, “Off dialysis. She's riding a bike.” I'm like, “That is fabulous.” He's like, “How's work?” I'm like, “Great.” He's like, “I knew you'd be all right.” I'm like, “Oh.” And, like, the crowd, you know, they're starting to get annoyed. And then I'm like, “All right, John, I'll see you. Have a good day.” And he's like, “Hey, Adam, come here.” And I'm like, “What, John?” He's like, “Want a quarter pound of boar's head roast beef?” I'm like, “Come on, John, there's a lot of people there. I can't do it. You know?” He's like, “Come on, have a quarter pound of roast beef on.” “All right, give me the quarter pound of roast beef.” [audience applause and cheers]
And I've become one of the old ladies.
[laughter and cheers]
Dan: [00:13:01] That was Adam Wade. Originally from New Hampshire. Adam is a 20 time Moth SLAM winner and you might have seen him on HBO's Girls or on Comedy Central's Inside Amy Schumer. He believes that one of the best decisions he's ever made in his life was walking into his first Moth StorySLAM over 16 years ago. And we're so proud to announce that Adam has recently launched a special with Audible. You can listen to his Audible original you Ought to Know Adam Wade, which is a collection of some of Adam's stories told in front of a live audience at audible.com/adamwade, so go check it out, You really ought ko Know Adam Wade. And that is it for us this week. Come out and join us at an upcoming Moth night near you or pitch us one of your stories because we want to hear from you. You can find out more on our website at themost.org. Until next time from all of us here at the Moth, have a story worthy week.
Female Speaker: [00:14:08] Dan Kennedy is the author of Loser Goes First, Rock on and American Spirit. He's also a regular host and storyteller with The Moth.
Dan: [00:14:16] Production by Julia Purcell. The Moth podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at PRX.org.