[overture]
Jay Allison: [00:00:12] From PRX, this is The Moth Radio Hour. I'm your host, Jay Allison, producer of this show. In this episode, stories of scams, hustles and deception from the con-artists themselves and from their unsuspecting victims. I've been both in my life, mostly running my cons as a teenager. My mother still scolds me for the classified ad I wrote to sell my old junk car, because before the phone number I signed it the Reverend J. Allison. Is that a con? I guess so. Sorry.
First up, Abigail Ladd, who also started young. Abigail told this at one of our open mic StorySLAM in Denver, where we partner with public radio station KUNC. The theme of the night, appropriately, was Bamboozled. Here's Abigail Ladd.
[cheers and applause]
Abigail: [00:01:08] I can't even remember my first con. I was probably still in diapers. But I remember from a really early age thinking adults were really easy to trick, especially if you were cute. I was wicked cute. I had blond curly hair, blue eyes, bubbly personality and all the lisps you could imagine rolled into one. It's actually very hard for me to say that still. [chuckles] But my best con started in kindergarten and ended three years later. I peaked very early. [chuckles] [audience laughter]
But my kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Cobb, was great. She was like a seasoned veteran. She taught all of my siblings before me. There were three and they were smart. This is a key detail. Please remember that you will need it later. So, learning to read in her classroom would look like this. She would call me to her desk, she would set a timer, she'd give me a book and I would stall for as long as possible. I would ask questions. I'd be really adorable. I'd fill her water cup, which was always empty. This strategy got me safely to first grade.
First grade got a little harder. Mrs. Plunkett, who also taught my smart siblings, was a little more attentive, [chuckles] but thankfully, early readers are incredibly repetitive. So, I learned that if I sat right next to the teacher's table, and my last name is Ladd, so I'm in the middle of a roster, I could memorize the book before all the other kids while they were reading. So, [chuckles] I got like a really good ear for early readers, and I'd just like smoke through the book. And then, she'd give me one unknown book and I had to pee or I had a stomach ache. I came from a smart family, so I got to second grade.
Second grade got exponentially harder for a couple of reasons. One, I had tricked my previous teachers so well. I was in the highest reading group. [audience laughter] So, the books were longer, less repetitive. I was screwed. And so, that one. Second, I had the real-life Mrs. Trunchbull as my teacher. Her name was Mrs. Robideaux. She had jet black hair that went down to her calves, a gray streak that went right across the top, like a skunk. She had this malicious yell, which she just unleashed on kids all the time. And she was terrifying. She also didn't teach any of my siblings, so I had no reputation. She hated me [chuckles] so much. She was always yelling at me and sitting me in the hallway for like, nothing.
So, I managed to get around reading group, because my best friend, Ida, was in it with me. She was very smart and could read. So, I would have her read it to me as much as possible before it was our turn to go, so I could have it memorized. If Ida wasn't there, I'd be like, “Frog and toad, don't want to go on an adventure today. Mm.” And then, she'd sit me in the hall and I wouldn't have to read. Problem solved.
When we'd read one on one, she just told me to pick a picture book off of the shelf, so I would pick one that I already knew really well. It's actually a book I still know to this day, Silly Sally. Silly Sally went to town, walking backwards, upside down. On the way she met a dog, a silly dog,. They played leapfrog. Get the point. [chuckles] It worked. She thought I could read it.
So, the whole year, I was writing down titles, taking them home, get my mom to check them out from the library, read them to me over and over again. I would go back into class, pretend read them to my second-grade teacher, pretend mess up, because I knew that if I read them too nicely, she would then know I was faking. Surely, learning to read would have been a lot easier at this point. [audience laughter]
But I was like, “I was all in, man, I had made it so long.” It was such a time commitment. And so, by the skin of my teeth, I made it to third grade. And third grade, it all came crashing down. It wasn't even reading that did it. It was writing, because I couldn't copy paragraphs off the board. It would take me forever, because I had to do it letter by letter. I would get stuck or I'd lose my place. Heaven forbid, there was an E. And so, Mrs Tru, my third-grade teacher was like, “She can't read.” [sigh] But I made three and a half years in public education without anyone knowing I couldn't read a word. [audience laughter] So, when I became an elementary school teacher-- [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] Yeah, I knew what to look for and I was like, “Guys, you can't con a con.” Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Jay Allison: [00:06:15] Abigail Ladd is an elementary school teacher from Denver, Colorado, who grew up in the hills of Vermont. She's always loved listening to stories of all kinds and eventually dared to put her name in the hat at a StorySLAM in New York City and then, she says, “She was hooked.”
Abigail: [00:06:33] I teach first grade, and I have for seven years. It's a really important year for all the fundamentals, but especially reading. [chuckles] Kids are unbelievable problem solvers, especially when they're trying to con teachers.
Jay Allison: [00:06:49] Looking back, Abigail says, “I'm glad I was found out. As it turned out, I had a reading disability.” Sneakin' Sally through the alley. Tryin to keep her out of sight. [applause]
Jay Allison: [00:07:03] Next up, here's Tonya Camille with another school scam. She told us at a StorySLAM in Atlanta, where we partner with public radio station GPB. Here's Tonya, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Tonya: [00:07:18] Hey.
Unison: [00:07:19] Hey.
Tonya: [00:07:20] [chuckles] All right. Of course, this is my first time, but it's all right.
[audience cheers and applause] Now, on July 28th, 1982, my parents was given a gift, triplets. Now, this gift was unexpected, because they were expecting one baby, but God blessed them with three. Now, I've asked them many a times, “How did you guys not know that you were having three babies?” My dad said, “It was because we were hiding on top of each other and technology isn't what it is today.” My mother said, “Nah, Alfred, the doctor was a drunk and he left out a few details.” [audience laughter]
Needless to say, we were a gift. Now, many people think we are identical, but we're actually fraternal. But because of our physical similarities with so much alike, they would give us these names, the trips, the three twins, the girls or Tiffany, Terry and Tonya. Not individually calling us Tiffany, Terry and Tonya. No, they would call one person all three names, hoping it would stick. [audience cheers and applause]
Now, this would get on our nerves, but it came in handy one day in college. Now, Terry, she took her own educational journey, but Tiffany and I, we attended the same junior college. Now, while we were attending this school, there was this test that you had to take and pass in order to further your college career. Now, I took the test and I passed, because I'm smart like that. [audience laughter] And Tiffany, I mean, she’s smart. She failed it twice. [audience laughter]
So, one day she asked me, she was like, “Tonya, please, can you please take this test for me? This is my last time. If I fail this test, the world is going to end.” I was like, “Nah, I'm good. I'll pray for you.” [audience cheers and applause]
I’ll help you study, but I can't do it. Because what happened if I fail it and then we get caught, right? So, the next day, my mother called and she said, “Hey, Tonya.” I'm like, “Hey, mama.” She said, “I need you to do me a favor.” And I'm like, “Okay, go girl. What you want?” She said, “I need you to take the test for your sister.” [audience laughter]
Now, just imagine the horror. Like, your own mother wants you to cheat on a very important college exam. Now, this is not like a lit test. This is not a history exam. This is a very, very, very important college exam. So, I agree, because she is my mother. The test was a few days away. So, of course, me and my sister were preparing. I was studying for the exam. But there is one way that you can tell us apart. Tiffany and Terry wear glasses. I don't. Now, these glasses are not lightly medicated. No, these bitches were heavily medicated- [audience laughter] to where you couldn't see past your nose. So, I'm nervous. So, the day of the test, I'm really, really nervous. I'm like, “Okay, okay. God, please see me through, because if I fail and get called, that's the end and I'll be working at McDonald's.” So, I got to the testing site, presented my credentials to prove to them that I am who I said I am and went to the back of the classroom. Now, the glasses that I had on was giving me a headache. So, I took them off, rubbed my eyes, and then I turned to the left and I see one of my classmates from my theater class taking the same test the same day and the same time.
Now, I'm nervous. I'm like, “Okay, what would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do?” Now, mind you, I'm Tonya. “What would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do?” So, I put my glasses on and just shrink to make myself invisible. So, I took the test, got through it. Thank God. Turned my testing materials in. Now, mind you, like I said, these glasses were blinding. So, I'm holding onto the wall, making sure I don't run into anything. I'm almost getting to the door, and then I hear a loud whisper, say, “Bye, Tonya. I'll see you next week in class.” I'm like, “Oh, shit. She just called me by my real name.” So, I'm like, “Okay, what would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do? What would Tiffany do?”
So, I turned around. I don't even think I was looking at her and I said loudly so everybody could hear, “Oh my gosh, you must think I'm Tonya. I am Tiffany, her sister.” But I will let you know she said, “Hey,” I ran out of that bitch so fast. [audience applause and laughter]
So, needless to say, the test was passed. Tiffany is a great therapist. [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause] I am who I am. The only time I will ever pretend like I'm either of my sisters is if I'm at Walmart picking up their prescription. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Jay Allison: [00:12:25] Tonya Camille lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
[upbeat music]
She's a yoga teacher, a poet and works for a humanitarian aid organization that delivers surplus medical supplies and equipment to communities around the world. In a moment, in this hour about cons of all kinds, a famous scandal and an internet ruse, when The Moth Radio Hour continues.
[upbeat music]
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by PRX. This is The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I’m Jay Allison. And in this show, we are exploring cons, orchestrating them and recovering from them.
[somber music]
Like, a lot of people, I was conned when I first moved to New York City as a non-street wise young man. First of all, this may be obvious, but do not play the shell games or three card monte on the street. You think you'll win, but that's because that's what they want you to think, but you won't. I promise. Also, if somebody comes up to you and bets you $5, he can tell you where you got your shoes, just say, “No thanks, friend,” and keep walking The answer, which I learned the hard way is, “You got your shoes on your feet.” Those are my con avoidance tips for the day. You owe me $5. Our next story was told by Pete Goldfinger at a Moth GrandSLAM in Los Angeles, which was supported by public radio station KCRW.
[cheers and applause]
Pete: [00:14:33] My grandfather immigrated to this country when he was 11 years old. With nothing more than a fifth-grade education, he raised two girls in a tiny one-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. When the time came for him to retire in the 60s, he didn't have a lot of money. But his accountant told him that his son-in-law worked at an investment firm and that it was going pretty well. My grandfather invested there and it went pretty well.
And in the 1970s, he invested $10,000 in my name. Over the years, I would always hear about this money that, “You can't spend it. It's just for emergencies. And if you save it, it will grow. You should put more money into it whenever you can.” And so, when I reached my 20s, saving money became a religion to me. Well, it actually is a religion. It's called Judaism. [audience laughter]
But the best example I can think of to illustrate this was that I lived in an apartment just south of the 101 on Vermont, where I lived in a basement studio apartment. Every time that it rained, feces would come up through the drain. I would be really happy, because it meant that my landlord was only going to charge me for a half a month's rent. [audience laughter] And it never dawned on me that like, when your financial plan involves rooting for shit to come up through the drain, you might need a better plan. [audience laughter]
But eventually, I met a woman who agreed to marry me. Despite these peculiarities, she was very taught well. There was one time where we had this oven that was leaking gas, and she came to me and said, “I'd like to get a new oven. Do you think we could use some of that money?” And I said, “Oh, no, no, my grandfather said that was just for emergencies.” [audience laughter]
But eventually, we had a daughter. As sometimes happens in this town, I sold something that I wrote, and it provided me with a check for enough money to put down the down payment on a house in the valley. We didn't have enough money for the mortgage payments. My wife convinced me, I don't know how that we could maybe use some of this money to help make the mortgage payments. It was with great trepidation that we bought a house in October of 2008.
And then, on December 15th of 2008, it was a very big day for us. We found out in the morning that my wife was pregnant with our second child, which gave me the better part of the day to figure out how I was going to pay for her college education. But that night, just as we were going to bed, I opened up Yahoo and the splash page said, “Little known financier Bernard Madoff indicted in Ponzi scheme, “It's gone. It's all gone.””
And that was when my grandfather's golden opportunity became my curse. [chuckles] I told to my wife, I turned to my wife and shaking, I told her, “We have no money. We are completely broken.” My wife said to me, “Honey, I am so sorry to hear that.” She rolled over and slept peacefully for the next nine hours,- [audience laughter] -where I spent the night pacing the house and just trying to think of things that we could sell. We didn't really need a television set or an oven. [chuckles] At one point, I just ground myself, I would go into my daughter's room and look at her sleeping in her crib and I would think to myself, “Can we sell that crib?” But the next morning, when my wife came out, I'd been up all night and I had a list of ways that we were going to save money.
And for the next few months, there were a lot of mornings and a lot of lists. Some of the highlights from those lists were the time I showed her an article that said that, “You didn't need to use laundry soap to wash your clothes,” which is true. And another time, I told her that if I gathered all the extra tangerines from the tangerine tree, I could go to the farmer's market and sell them out of a basket. [audience laughter]
My wife was so great during this whole time. She would always just look at me and to be supportive, say, “Okay.” She knew I was going through a hard time. She was there for me. The night when at 03:00 AM, I thought I was having a heart attack. She took me to the emergency room, where the doctor diagnosed me with high blood pressure. And that, along with the rash on my back, he told me that he thought it might be stress related. [audience laughter]
And so, this went on for a long time, until one day, after about eight months, my wife came in, and I was working on a spreadsheet that I was now doing every month to try and figure out where we were spending all the money, and she said to me, “You know, Bobbie and I are going to walk to the market to get some salmon. Would you like to come?” And I said, “No, no, I'm busy right now. By the way, do you have to get salmon? It's very expensive.”
And this time, her okay was very different. This time, it came out like this, “Oh-kay.” She turned and started to walk away. I realized that probably this was an ill-advised thing to say to your wife when she's eight months pregnant. I went after and I said, “Honey, I'm just so sorry. Of course, you can buy salmon. I don't know what I was thinking and I just really want to apologize to you. I know that I've been very difficult these last eight months.” She said to me before leaving, with a sad smile, she said, “You know, honey, I don't know if this is going to make you feel any better or any worse, but these last eight months have not been that different than the eight years before we lost all this money,” and she left. [audience laughter]
Yeah. And as you can probably guess, it was one of those moments where you really hear something that was said to you. As I watched, my daughter and my wife walked down the driveway holding hands. I realized that this was a golden opportunity for me to do something that my grandfather had never been able to do. Albert Einstein said, “Within difficulty lies opportunity.”
What I realized is that happiness does not begin when you have enough money for your next month's mortgage. Happiness does not begin when you have enough money to send your kids to college. Happiness certainly doesn't begin, because a bunch of numbers on a page tell you that everything is okay. Happiness begins the instant that you say it does. I closed those spreadsheets, and I went outside to join my radiant wife and my beautiful daughter. Thank you.
[cheers and applause].
[somber music]
Jay Allison: [00:21:01] That was Pete Goldfinger, a screenwriter currently living in Maui. In 2008, former NASDAQ chairman and founder of the Wall Street firm, Bernard L. Madoff Investment Securities, LLC admitted that the wealth management side of his business was a multi-billion-dollar Ponzi scheme that defrauded thousands of investors, like Pete. It was the largest Ponzi scheme in history. Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison with a restitution of $170 billion. He died in 2021.
Pete, meanwhile, has screenwriting credits that include Piranha 3D, Sorority Row and three movies from the Saw franchise. His latest accomplishment was a rustic jalapeno and Manchego sourdough loaf. [background chatters]
Jay Allison: [00:22:00] Our next story was told by Gayliene Omary at a StorySLAM in Kentucky, where we partner with WFPL, Louisville Public Media station. From Headliners Music Hall, here's Gayliene.
[cheers and applause]
Gayleine: [00:22:18] All right, I'm going to start with a little bit of background. I am a 56-year-old divorced mother of two adult children. I was married for nine years, but I have been divorced for 27 years. I built a little wall around my heart using the mantra, “You have to be a damn good husband to be better than no husband at all.” [audience laughter] [audience cheers and applause].
So, fast forward through a very happy life. My youngest, my son, is graduating high school, going off to college. He is now off to college. I am in a funk for about two years. Not really functioning, yet functioning. I had to get myself out of it. So, I decided it was time for mama to party. [audience laughter]
I had to get the party bus going though. It's a little tough, because I'm comfortable, yet I'm lonely. So, I fill out an online profile for a dating website, send it off to the ether with a little bit of hope, but very little expectation. This is where the story begins. I'm contacted by Michael, and he pretty much immediately asks me for my email address.
Now, okay, I know what's going on. I have watched Dr Phil. I have seen many an episode of him showing women how they are not real and what happened. So, I know what to look for. So, I send him or I give him my email address. We email back and forth for about a week. He's a great communicator. And then, he asks for my phone number. So, I'm like, “Mm, Dr. Phil.” So, I give him my Google voice phone number. Smart, right?
Yeah. So, we start now a daily routine of texting and phone calls no longer than 20 minutes conversations. You know what? His words are kind and they're complimentary. My little walls are breaking down. We share music on Spotify. I begin to write poetry about how I'm feeling, how he's making me feel and I'm sharing it with him.
We do this for about a couple of months. And then, it's around Christmas time, and my children and I are going to Panama for the holidays. So, I tell him, “Okay, we can't talk for like 10 days, but when I come back, we'll talk again.” He is insistent that we speak, even though while I'm on vacation with my kids. So, my kids notice I'm texting. They see me step away to take a phone call. Very unusual for me. So, I have to tell them what's going on.
After I tell them, I see concern in their face, [chuckles] but I also see hope because they don't want me to be alone. So, they ask questions, “Well, why don't you guys’ FaceTime?” And I'm like, “You know, I'm old school. He's old school.” I honestly didn't even think about it. They want to see his Facebook page, his Instagram. He doesn't do social media. So, then, I announced to my children that in January, because Michael's in Paris, France, working, that in January I'm going to go and see him in person, and it's all by myself. This is when they stage an intervention. [audience laughter]
Our last dinner in Panama, they share their concerns. Lovingly, they show me on the internet all the statistic of the women getting killed in Europe, visiting, seeing men for the first time. They share a website that has 12 points to let you know if you're being catfished. I met 11 of the 12. [laughter] I felt so stupid in front of my children. They were the wise ones and I was the fool. So, they suggested, “Okay, let's see if he's for real. Ask him to send you a picture with a newspaper, and that would show me where he's at and a date.” So, I ask him. He goes absolutely ballistic. How could I not trust him? I took his phone number out of my phone. I deleted all the photos that I had. I put his name up to the website as a fraud, and I deleted my Michael playlist on my Spotify.
But I kept the poetry, because if nothing else, this experience showed me that I could feel love again, that I could give love and that this party bus isn't broken. Thank you.
[cheers and applause].
[somber music]
Jay Allison: [00:27:24] That was Gayliene Omary. Gayleine is an instructional design consultant and entrepreneur from Louisville. A proud mother of two adult children, she also cares for her dog, Betty, and three cats. She is launching a venture called Opa! Plate Therapy, located in their barn, this experience allows people to relieve tension by smashing plates against a wall. Gayleine tells us she's not ventured into the world of electronic dating again, but is putting herself out there at dog parks, hoping she might meet someone.
When we return, a woman gets caught up in some monkey business, and a graduate student gets relationship advice from God.
[upbeat music]
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by PRX. You're listening to The Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Jay Allison.
Our theme in this show is cons. It's a great story theme, because it contains the connective tissue of narrative, human frailty, both in our willingness to be conned and in the fundamental character flaw that makes us want to con someone else. For the latter, a lack of empathy is often required to do the deed. We think only of our advantage and not the consequence to others. They're suckers, after all. Their fault, not mine.
A Moth story from a con artist requires that they've changed and can see what they did and explain the frailties in themselves and with compassion toward their victims. If they haven't changed, they can't really tell their own story convincingly, except perhaps to those who still believe their cons. But they'd be unlikely to fool a Moth audience with their bravado, and lies and excuses.
As for those who’ve been duped themselves, we’ve likely all been there. At the beginning, we want to believe the false narrative, the too good to be true reality spun by the con artist. It makes us feel we were on the inside, that we were not suckers. And if we fully commit to the con, it's hard to go back. We make it a belief system until finally it all comes crashing down, as it always does.
And until that crash and the clarity that follows, someone who has been con cannot tell their Moth story either, because they don’t understand it yet or understand their own frailty. It’s human stories of loss that we connect to, stories of winning with no vulnerability or awareness, ultimately boring.
We’ve covered some classic cons so far in this episode, financial fraud and cheating on tests, catfishing. Now, it's time for some slightly less run of the mill deceptions. Maria Corrales told this story at a San Francisco StorySLAM, where we partnered with public radio station KALW. Here's Maria.
[cheers and applause]
Maria: [00:31:02] So, I was living in the South African bush at a baboon rehabilitation center. We rescued orphaned and injured baboons, formed troops with them and released them back in the wild.
Now, baboons are the largest monkeys. They are greatly misunderstood and underappreciated. They have a reputation for being very aggressive. But the truth is that their personalities are as unique and varied as humans. It's true. Some can be assholes, but most aren't. They can be creative, humorous and tenderhearted, the whole spectrum.
So, the story I want to share is that of my baboon son, Gabriel. Yeah. Gabriel was found just weeks old, clinging to the body of his dead mother who had been shot. When Gabriel and I met, we bonded instantly. I adopted him as his surrogate mother. So, this meant that I carried him around with me all day. Everything I did, he was with me, including showering and sleeping, just as his mother would have done.
As he got a little bit older, I would drop him off at what was effectively daycare, so that he could play for the day with other orphan youngsters. I'd pick him up in the afternoon to bring him home. When he reached weaning age for our purposes, this meant that at the end of the day, instead of coming home with me, we would put him in a cage inside with fluffy blankets and toys and a couple of his friends. Eventually, the whole troop would sleep outside in an enclosure as part of the process towards release.
Now, Gabriel was my golden child. He was the most beautiful, intelligent and compassionate baboon I've ever met. He demonstrated behaviors that even Rita, our director who had worked with baboons for 30 years, had never seen. I realized that I'm biased, [laughs] but when he was young, I had to take him to the vet for some minor procedure. When the vet came in the room and he saw him, he called out to the nurse, “Nurse, nurse, you have to come in here. You have to see how beautiful this baboon is.” [laughs] He was verifiably exceptional, and I loved him as completely and fully as I could love any being.
So, Gabriel had reached weaning age. Like all children, baboons hate weaning. It's pretty typical that the first few nights in the cage, they cry all night until they finally fall asleep from sheer exhaustion. Gabriel's experience was no different. We were a few days into this process when on the third afternoon, a volunteer came to find me with words that terrified me, “Something's wrong with Gabriel. You have to come.”
I ran to the daycare, and I was relieved initially to see that he was all in one piece and he was conscious, but there was something clearly wrong. He was lethargic. He had a limp that would come and go, and a strange cough. I was perplexed by these symptoms. So, I brought him in to see the expert, Rita. We laid out a blanket with special toys and treats to try to lift his spirits and watched him closely for two hours. He would start to play and seem to feel okay, but then he would stop and limp and cough.
Rita confirmed that something was definitely wrong, but she also had no idea what was happening. It was too late to take him to the vet. There was no question I wasn't putting him in the cage that night. He was coming home with me, and I would stay up all night watching him closely and we would take him to the vet in the morning.
So, I took my lugubrious Gabriel, and I carried him home where he hadn't been for two nights. I opened the door. Before I could close it behind me, he suddenly sprung from my arms. He ran at top speed, jumped on the table, onto the counter, back flipping off, laughing all the way, bursting with self-delight. [chuckles] I stood dumbstruck as the pieces slowly came together, and I realized that he had pretended. [audience laughter] He had pretended to be sick for hours. That's why his symptoms made no sense. [audience laughter] I walked up to him in a daze, and he sheepishly climbed up into my arms, awaiting his judgment. [audience laughter]
I was so impressed [chuckles] that as he had earned his last night in bed with me. [audiencelaughs] I realized that no matter where we are or what they look like, children are alike.
[cheers and applause]
Jay Allison: [00:36:51] That was Maria Corrales. Maria spent half her 20s living in the wilderness, studying and rehabilitating monkeys. She lives now in Sonoma County, where she rehabilitates another primate species, humans. As a massage therapist, some of her earliest massage patients were baboons, stricken with tetanus, to whom she gave abdominal massages to provide relief. We asked Maria for the latest on Gabriel, and this is what she told us.
Maria: [00:37:22] Gabriel grew up to be the most intelligent and compassionate baboon I've ever met by far. In 2014, I returned to South Africa to participate in his troops release back into the wild as adults. Of the three baboons in the troop that I raised, one died three weeks into the release from a snakebite. One successfully migrated to a nearby troop, and Gabriel remained in his natal troop, protecting, grooming and playing with the youngsters more than the average male usually does.
Jay Allison: [00:37:57] Our final story comes from Chiwoza Bandawe. We met Chiwoza through our Global Community Program, which develops and elevates true personal stories from advocates and activists around the world. He told this story at our annual fundraising gala, which we call The Moth Ball. Get it live from the Moth Ball. Here's Chiwoza Bandawe.
[cheers and applause]
Chiwoza: [00:38:26] In response to the intercom telling me that I had a phone call, I walked down the passage of the student residence of the University of Cape Town in South Africa, where I was trained to be a clinical psychologist, and I picked up the phone. Now, this was 1992, and there were no mobile phones in those days. So, I picked up the analog phone and I said, “Hello.” And the voice at the other end said, “Chiwoza? Hello, this is Berger.” I was surprised, because Berger was a student with whom I had shared a residence, the previous year. I was in a different residence now, but I hardly interacted with him. He mixed with shady characters. [audience laughter]
So, I tended to avoid interacting with him. So, I was really surprised when he then said to me, “I have something very important to tell you. Can I meet you tomorrow?” I was really curious. So, I said, “Sure.” So, the next day, we met. I came out of the dining hall of my res, met this slim, tall Berger and we went to my room. When we entered my room, he said to me, “Give me your Bible.” I was surprised, because I'd never known Berger to have any spiritual or religious inclination.
So, I got my brown leather Bible that had been given to me on my 21st birthday. I gave it to him. He said to me, “Sit down.” I sat down. And then, he started walking up and down my room, pacing, praying, speaking in tongues, praying, praying. I was very surprised. Then, he came to me, stood over me and then he said, “Chiwoza, I have a message for you.” And I said, “Oh, okay. [audience laughter] And then he said, “It's a message from God.” [audience laughter] And I went, “Wow. Okay.” [audience laughter] And he said, “God has told me to tell you that He knows the challenges you are having with your girlfriend, and He wants you to know that He is coming through for you.” I was astounded, because it was true. I was having problems and challenges with my girlfriend. I had reached a point where I was thinking of ending the relationship. Not because of anything she had said or done, but I felt no emotional connection anymore.
I knew she still cared for me. I knew that my family and my friends really liked her, but I felt it was time to move on. The challenge for me was, at that time, I was very much a people pleaser. Hurting people was something I avoided at all costs. And so, I had struggled, I had wrestled with it for so long and here was Berger telling me that God had a solution for me. [audience laughter] I felt a sense of joy, I felt a sense of relief and I said to Berger, “I feel so relieved.” He looked relieved that I was relieved. [audience laughter]
And he said to me, “In a few days’ time, I'm going to come back to you and tell you the way forward.” With that, he left my room. Now, I felt very relieved and joyful over the next couple of days, but there was something that was just niggling in me that was not quite right. I had grappled with it. I had lots of questions. Okay, so, if God is saying to me, will God say I should leave her, she'll be all right, or will God say I should stay with her, then will I be all right? And then, why was God not telling me immediately? Why was God giving me a few days anyway? [audience laughter] And also, why was God using Berger, of all people, to speak to me? [audience laughter]
So, I grappled. I wrestle with it. And then, I remember one particular day, I went back to my student resi, one, I was in the previous year to check my mail, because people still wrote to me. And on this particular day, I entered the reception room. I sat down. I was going through the carton of mail, and Berger was sitting across. He didn't seem to mind what I was doing, so I didn't give him any attention.
And as he sat across, I went through. And then, I noticed that somebody who wrote to me regularly had not written to me and that was my friend, Father Lane. He wrote to me from Malawi, where I originally am from. I began to wonder and began to think, “Why hadn't I heard from Father Lane?” So, I decided, you know what? I'm going to phone him. So, I phoned him and I said, “Father Lane, have you written to me recently?” And he said, “Actually, yes, I have.” And I said, “Okay, what was the contents of your letter?” And he said to me, “Well, it was about the struggles you are having with your girlfriend. [audience laughter] And I was saying that God is going to come through for you.” [audience laughter]
And I said, “Uh-huh, gotcha, Berger.” And so, I knew Berger’s game, but I also knew what I had to do. I struggled with pleasing people or at least displeasing people, and I was also aware of the dangers involved because of the company Berger kept. But I didn't want to be under his grip, and I knew I had to confront him. And so, I went. The next day, I picked up the phone to phone him. But before I could say anything, he said to me, “Oh, it's good that you have called. I now have the way forward from God.” [audience laughter] And I said, “Okay, so what is it?” And he said, “You have to give an offering. It's an offering of 150 rounds, which is about a $100 today and a brand-new blanket.” [audience laughter]
And I thought, “A blanket? Why does he want me to give a blanket?” Then, I remembered winter was approaching, and so maybe he wants to save on his winter shopping. Anyway, I said to him, “Berger, let's meet tomorrow.” So, the next day, I came out of the dining hall, and there was Berger smiling and he said, “I hope you enjoyed your lunch.” And I said, “Berger, let's go for a walk.” I didn't want to take him to my room.
So, we went out and we started walking. My heart was really pounding. And the words I wanted to say were stuck in my throat. As we were approaching where we had to part, I had to delve into his icy cold stare and speak and I said to him, “Berger, you took one of my letters, you opened it, you read the contents and you are trying to scam me” and I held my breath. There was this deafening silence.
Berger’s response was, “Me? Never. That's an insult to my Christianity. God sends me all around the world with these messages. How could you even think that?” And that, actually, annoyed me, because he was persistent. And a wave of courage came over me and I said to him, “Berger, don't bother. You're not going to get a penny from me. In fact, I'm going to forget that this even happened.” There was silence.
We slowed down the pace of our walking. His hurt face turned into an icy cold stare and he said to me, “Well, you'd better hope that I too forget about this.” I didn't engage him on that. We came to the part where we're going to part. As we were parting, he said to me, “Well, thank you for wasting my time, huh? And I said to him, because I didn't want to give him the last word, “Well, thank you for wasting mine.” [audience laughter] And we parted. Our path never crossed again. But you know what? From that experience, I edged closer to conquering the fear of displeasing people that I had. I broke up with my girlfriend, and Berger never got his blanket. Thank you. [audience laughter]
[cheers and applause]
Jay Allison: [00:48:39] Chiwoza Bandawe is a full professor at the Kamuzu University of Health Sciences, Malawi. He is a clinical psychologist who has also lectured at the University of Cape Town and runs his own clinic in Blantyre, Malawi. He has published three mental health education books. And for the past 27 years, he has been a regular columnist in the Malawi Weekend Nation Newspaper.
Chiwoza, says that although it's still a work in progress, over the years he's become more assertive and has been able to see that he is not responsible for making everyone happy, especially if it goes against his own values.
To see a photo of Chiwoza, at the time of the story, as well as a picture of him in his full Moth Ball regalia, you can go to our website, themoth.org. That's it for this episode. We hope you'll join us next time. And that's the story from The Moth.
[upbeat music]
This episode of The Moth Radio Hour was produced by me, Jay Allison and Meg Bowles. Coproducer was Viki Merrick. Associate producer, Emily Couch. The stories were directed by Larry Rosen.
The rest of The Moth’s leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Sarah Austin Jenness, Jenifer Hixson, Kate Tellers, Marina Klutse, Lee Ann Gullie, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Sarah Jane Johnson and Aldi Kaza. The Moth Global Community Program is generously supported by the Gates Foundation.
Most stories are true, as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by The Drift. Other music in this hour from Stellwagen Symphonette, Robert Palmer, Delvon Lamarr Organ Trio, Ramsey Lewis Trio, Victor Wooten and the Debre Damo Dining Orchestra. We receive funding from the National Endowment for the Arts.
The Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. And presented by PRX. For more about our podcast, for information on pitching us your own story, which we help you’ll do, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org.