Assumptions

Moth stories are told live and without notes and, as such, The Moth Podcast and Radio Hour are audio-first programs. We strongly encourage listening to our stories if you are able. Audio includes the storytellers’ voices, tone, and emphases, which reflect and deepen the meaning of the narrative elements that cannot be captured on the page. This transcript may contain errors. Please check the audio when possible.

Copyright © 2024 The Moth. All rights reserved. This text may not be published online or distributed without written permission.

Go back to [Assumptions} Episode. 
 

Host: Dame Wilburn

 

Dame: [00:00:02] Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm your host, Dame Wilburn. This week, we're talking about assumptions. 

 

When I was a little kid, I made an assumption when I took a flight from Detroit to Georgia. And I couldn't wait, because I assumed when I got up there, I'd see my grandparents and possibly God. When I got up above the clouds, I wasn't disappointed necessarily, but I wasn't enthused. 

 

This week, we have two stories for you. Adam Ross is up first. He told this story at a San Francisco GrandSLAM, where the theme of the night was Off the Rails. Here's Adam, live at The Moth. 

 

[cheers and applause] 

 

Adam: [00:00:43] Good evening. I didn't know if my mom would accept me the night that she found out I was gay when I was 17 years old. But I breathed a sigh of relief when she said, “Adam, no matter what, you're my son and I will always love you.” Thank you. [audience applause] 

 

But then, she said, “Adam, since we're being honest, [audience laughter] I have a secret too.” “Okay.” “Your father is not your father. [audience laughter] And even he doesn't know it.” [audience laughter] So, I sit in shock [chuckles] as my mom explains that she'd had an affair with a man that she met right after she'd broken up with the man I thought was my dad. But when that affair fizzled, she went right back to my dad and didn't tell him that he wasn't the father of the child she just realized she was pregnant with. And that's how my dad and I never knew that I wasn't his son. 

 

“Wow, Mom, you win. Your secret is better.” [audience laughter] Yeah. So, last year, I got this email from 23andMe. I had sent them my DNA years ago to find out about my genetic health and things like that. So, I get this email from 23andMe, and I open it up and it says that I have two new half siblings that I'd never heard of. The best I could guess is that these were also children of my biological father. Now, I was half right. So, I messaged these two half siblings, and what I discover, is that we do have the same biological father. Unfortunately, that man is not the man my mom said it was when I was 17 years old and it's not the man I thought was my dad before that. [audience laughter] 

 

Yeah, yeah, just do the math, right? No, this is not good. Yeah, right. It's so much for my mom. [audience laughter] So, my biological father, I find out from these siblings, is an entirely different third man named Hugh O'Brian. Some of you may have remembered that name or heard it before your parents probably have. He starred as Wyatt Earp in the 1950s and 1960s TV show of the same name. That's my biological father. [audience laughter] So, I know I've got to call my mom immediately. I get her on the phone and tell her everything I just told you, and I ask her, “How in the world is Hugh O'Brian my biological father?” And she says, “Well, we dated, but it was five years before you were born, so he couldn't be your biological father.”

 

Now, this is very confusing, right? Something is not adding up, because she didn't carry me for that long. [audience laughter] I was fat. So, I go on and explain to her that 23andMe didn't just coincidentally match my DNA up with two children of a man she happened to date five years before I was born. And every time I say this, my mom says to me, “It's impossible.” I was just really frustrated and confused. And so, I said something to my mom that no son should ever need to say to his mother. “Mom, when was the last time Hugh O'Brian's penis was in your vagina?” [audience laughter] I mean, I felt terrible, right? I felt terrible. 

 

She doesn't miss a beat. She says, “Oh, a week before,” and then names the man who she'd been saying was my biological father since I was 17. And then, I was like, “But then, why did you never mention that this happened? Like, didn't you think he could have gotten you pregnant?” And she says, “Oh, no, because he didn't finish and I wasn't on my cycle.” Mom, mom, half the people walking the planet today are here, because the rhythm, method and pulling out don't work. [audience laughter] That is the opposite of impossible. [audience laughter] Very possible. So, I felt stunned. I felt stunned and betrayed like I had when I was 17, except this time it was worse, because this time it felt like my mom had secrets within secrets. It was like inception. [audience laughter] And once again, I'm there, and my relationship with my mom is just going off the rails, literally. [audience cheers and applause]

 

And a week later, I'm on the phone with my mom, and I'm just laying into her about how once again, she's made my life so damn complicated. She interrupts me and she says, “Adam, this is not easy for me either.” [audience chuckles] And the thing is, it's like, I could hear from the tone of her voice, it was really the first time I noticed it. It was like, “Yeah, this was really weighing on her.” I hadn't noticed that because until then, I'd only been thinking about how it was weighing on me. So, I didn't know what to say, which is very unusual for me, by the way, not knowing what to say back to my mom. 

 

I thought for a minute and I remembered something I'd heard years ago about acceptance. I'd heard that acceptance doesn't mean you like something. Acceptance means that you can be with how something is and you can be with how something isn't, even when that something is your mother. [audience laughter] I knew what I had to say to her right then. I said, “Mom, I am not happy about all this insanity about who my biological father is. I'm not happy at all. But you said something really important to me when I was 17. And it's time for me to return the favor. Mom, you are my mother and I will always love you.” [audience applause] 

 

Thanks. [audience chuckles] And after some silence, my mom, she thanked me and she said that what I had said made a difference. I could hear from the shift in the tone of her voice that my words had lifted some of the weight, off of her shoulders. But you know what I never expected was that when I said it, it was also going to lift some of the weight off of mine. Thank you. 

 

[cheers and applause] 

 

Dame: [00:08:22] That was Adam Ross. Adam Ross is an unrepentant dog lover, political news junkie and former gay rights rabble rouser. He discovered his passion for writing and live storytelling after escaping a terrible tech job in 2015. You can check out some photos of Adam and his father, Hugh O'Brian, and the extras for this episode on our website, themoth.org. 

 

Up next is Steven Anderson. Steven told this story at a Moth StorySLAM in St. Paul, Minnesota, where the theme of the night was Love Hurts. Here's Steven, live at The Moth. 

 

[cheers and applause] 

 

Steven: [00:08:58] For this story, I have to go back in time, back to when I had more hair and it was dark. First job I got out of college was an actor. I worked for an acting company. We actually did acting in reverse. Instead of the audience coming to theater, we brought theater to the audience. And we worked in schools teaching about respect, conflict resolution, sexual harassment and disability awareness. Come to think of it, for some reason, I always got put on the team for disability wins. [audience laughter] I don't know why. At any rate, I did that for five years. Loved it. Absolutely loved it. But it's true what they say about the starving elders. And I got tired of eating ramen every night. [audience laughter] So, I went off into another direction, and I was hired by a day program for adults with a wide range of disabilities. 

 

We would work with our folks on different life skills, job skills, personal skills, skills in general. So, I was working there. We hired a speech therapist. His name was Joe. But Joe came in and we hit it off right away. And one week, we had this long week, I mean, a lot of meetings, a long week. [audience laughter] The kind of week where I'd come home and my cat would come up to me and look at me as if just like, “Pet me.” It's like, “No, I can't.” [audience laughter] So, at any rate, on Friday, Joe comes up to me and says, “Hey, how about happy hour?” I said, “Oh, my God, yes, yes, happy hour.” He said, “Fine. I got to go home. I'll get my wife. We'll meet you at this sports ball.” I said, “Great.” So, I have some paperwork to do. I'll get that done. 

 

So, I got to the bar, walked in Joe and Tina, his wife, was already there. I sat, and they were in a booth and they were sitting together in the booth. So, I walked over and I sat right across from them. They had not all in the aspect, which is pretty unbelievable. But any rate, the waiters came up and said, “Can I get you folks anything to drink?” I said, “Oh, my God, yes.” [audience chuckles] So, she looks at Joe and Tina and they ordered I think a beer and wine, and then she turns to me and says, “And what would you like?” I said, “What do you have?” I kid you not. She kneeled down beside me, she placed her hand on my knee and said, “Well, we have brown pop, we have orange pop and we have white pop.” 

 

I was sitting with my bump dropped for five minutes. It probably was 30 seconds. And then, I looked to Joe and Tina for support. Then no support. They're laughing the asses off. [audience laughter] So, I said, “Actually, I was thinking something stronger, bigger.” I said, “Beer.” Her face turned white. She looked over at Joe and Tina, who were still laughing. [audience laughter] And finally, they said, “Well, get him what he wants.” I said, “Yeah, I'll take a beer and keep them coming.” [audience laughter] So, I think I ordered two beers after that. Well, it was my turn to pay the check that time. So, the check came. I said, “Yeah, be a rare tip.” “Oh, I don't think so. [audience laughter] I think I gave you your tip.” Thank you. 

 

[cheers and applause] 

 

Dame: [00:14:17] That was Steven Anderson. Steven Anderson is the Director of Disability Resources at Hamline University in St. Paul. He is also a member of the board of directors for Access Press and Upstream Arts. 

 

That's all for us this week. Until next time, from all of us here at The Moth, have a story-worthy week. 

 

Julia: [00:14:39] Dame Wilburn is a longtime storyteller and host at The Moth. He he's also the Chief Marketing Director for Twisted Willow Soap Company and host of the podcast Dame's Eclectic Brain. 

 

Dame Wilburn: [00:14:50] Podast production by Julia Purcell with help from Rowan Niemisto at WDET. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.