Host: Devin Elise Wilson
Devin Elise Wilson: [00:00:03] Welcome to The Moth podcast, and Happy Black History Month. I'm Devin Elise Wilson, the Program Manager of Education Engagement at The Moth and your host for this episode. Today, we're going to continue to uplift black voices as we showcase two stories all about the challenges and joys of growing up. And we'll also be telling you about a new podcast from The Moth, our very first spinoff, which touches on that exciting, scary time between being a teenager and being an adult.
On The Moth Education team or Team EDU, as we like to call it, we work to inspire young people everywhere to tell their true personal stories. Time and time again, we're told by our workshop participants what a breath of fresh air it is to be truly listened to. This is your cue to reflect upon how you're listening to the young people in your life. Wink, wink. And with that, our first story is from Mariama Diallo, an EDU alum. Each year, education holds a showcase to highlight some of the most vibrant stories across all of our programs.
Mariama told this story at one of our showcases in Brooklyn, where theme of the night was Game Changer. Here's Mariama, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
Mariama: [00:01:07] Okay. When I was 11, I was really struggling with feeling like I had to be different from one space to the next. It felt really lonely, and I was really struggling to get a sense of community.
A little bit about me. I grew up at the end of a Brooklyn tree lined brownstone blind block with my two parents and my two younger brothers. My younger brother, Ibrahima, was my dearest friend, my ace, my homie. We did everything together. We're born in the US and both of our parents are from West Africa, so they're migrants, and they're from the Fulani tribe. They wanted to do their best to instill Fulani culture into us.
So, for example, on the weekends when we were younger, they would take us to yet another family gathering. I dreaded these, because I feel like I wasn't doing the good balance of being the dutiful Fulani daughter and mastering being an American. I would dare not tell my father this, because he had this presence that could kill, like stare, just silence and you were to be seen and not heard and obey.
So, me and my brother would be stuffed into African clothes. We called it that. They were really bright prints, colors unknown to the American eye, truly. [audience laughter] You'd make like a sudden movement and it'd sound like thunder. [audience laughter] Our parents would drag us up to the Bronx, and they would mow us around to greet our family members. We'd often greet them in Pular. That's the language that the Fulani people normally speak.
And we'd be like, “Hey, how are you?” By the time we got to you, our family members would cut us off with the most obnoxious laughter and say, “Ah, wakilito nani.” Basically, that's like, “You need to buckle down and learn Pular. That was disgusting.” [audience laughter] I would feel such shame. I would answer for me and my brother and be like, “We will wakilito.” We will get it together. I'd often find a corner for us to play or to avoid attention. We'd feel sweet relief when our parents were like, “Come on, let's go home.”
Monday we would come, we dress in our yellow and our blue uniform and we'd be good. That was our balance. And then, our father suddenly threw off that balance one day when he was like, “We'd be spending our weekends learning the Quran at our local mosque.” My father, like centuries of our ancestors were Muslim, to be Fulani is to be Muslim, and it was our time to learn the Quran. And that Saturday, I wore clothes that were really familiar to me, a black tunic and a headscarf, for example. As we made our way to the mosque, I felt really nervous. There was no guidebook, there was no expectations for what I would do. I looked to Ibrahima-- He looked nervous too. We were silenced for once. But we were with dad, so that was to be expected.
We got to the mosque and immediately I just thought it was the most beautiful space ever. It's like, I don't know if you've ever been in a mosque, but it's very, this reverent, silent space. It's unfurnished, it's carpeted and sound like it's swallowed up by the carpet. That's the setup for the classroom too. It's a little large space, unfurnished, carpeted. Boys and girls on each side, and our sheikh, the teacher, at the front of the room. I looked at my brother as if to say like, “We got this.”
For weeks and weeks would go on, and we had it. We were doing amazing. I was mastering Arabic and the Quran pretty well. I really liked it. My teacher was praising me, and he was sending those praises to my dad. So, I'm like, I feel on top of the world, and all this pride. One Saturday, I'm in class, and reading my Quran and I look to my brother, and his face immediately, it shocks me. It's tight. In the New York sense, he's tight. It's tight with frustration and he's upset. I look to what has his attention, and there's these three boys who are immediately recognizable. They are the children of the custodian of the mosque.
To be a custodian of the mosque is this really, highly valued position in any mosque. You keep the community safe, you keep the mosque healthy and clean and things like that. You're respected and your family has that respect too. So, these boys were untouchable. They're the MVPs of this class. And no surprise, they're the bullies in this story. So, they're bullying my brother. He's young. I immediately feel defensive. My brother is my everything.
So, without thinking-- My voice cuts across the space. I'm like, “Ah, you're not going to be doing that to my brother.” I lock up a little bit, and I'm like, “Oh, my God. What did I just do?” And I look to the sheikh, our teacher, and wordlessly, he looks at me to say, “Mm-hmm, we don't do that here. You don't do that.” I still look at my brother, and the boys are really laughing that I did this. And I'm like, “This is not the end of this. We are going to continue this.”
So, class wraps up. Class usually resolves with our parents coming to the mosque. We pray Maghrib prayer together. That's the sunset prayer. The prayer is going, and usually my favorite prayer. My head is not in. And I'm like, “What am I going to do when I see these boys after class?” I put on my shoes after the prayer, I run outside and I see what I expect is fine. My brother and the three boys towering over him. They're arguing on the middle in the corner of this busy Brooklyn block, and they're going at it. I push my brother to the side and I'm just going off with these boys.
They're towering over me now. We're arguing, and I don't remember what I'm saying. I'm just loud, and just everything is coming out my mouth. And suddenly, their father is now in my face and I'm arguing with him. I'm just going off. And he's saying, “I've never seen someone so young a girl like you so disrespectful. You should be ashamed of yourself.” And I look at him, and I say, “You know, what do you look like a grown man arguing with a little girl?” [audience laughter] It's really bad. [audience applause]
It was so bad. I'm going, going, going. I feel like, “Yeah, I got this.” And then, I suddenly feel that silent presence that is very familiar to me, and I know it's my dad. I shut down, and I immediately take notice of where I'm at. A crowd had gathered. You worshipers and regular Brooklynites just on a corner, just staring. My father and the custodian, they duke it out. My father promises it will never happen again, and he takes me and my brother home. My father lights into me. He's like, “You've brought shame to me. You've brought shame to your brother, our family. I will never be able to show my face in this mosque. How dare you? I don't know what happened, but I know I better never see it happen again.”
I feel such shame. This place where I had gotten a sense of pride and I was developing a sense of community there, I knew that that was gone and diminished at that point and my father was so ashamed. I felt dismissed to my room. My father didn't even have to say that. I made my way to the room, and I see my brother there and I'm like, “Oh, God, I forgot about you. I lost sense of you, track of you.”
We have, again, this way. We looked at each other, and we just busted out laughing. We start recounting what happened that day. Just ridiculous. We're just going-- And in that moment, I realized, oh, this is what it was all for. If I was in this position again, of course, I'm going to take it. This is my ace, my homie. I never have to change for my brother. My brother understands me from moment to moment to moment. He would always be that way, and I was so thankful to have him in those different moments. Thank you.
[cheers and applause]
Devin Elise Wilson: [00:09:28] That was Mariama Diallo. Mariama is a proud Muslim and native Brooklynite. Along with being an EDU alum, Mariama was a teaching intern before becoming one of our current instructors, where she enjoys helping students share their own brilliant true stories.
The EDU program works with students in New York City and across the nation in our all city and all country programs. Students can choose between virtual and in person workshops, after school and on the weekends. The application for our Spring All City Program is now open. Spread the word to those young people you know in New York City.
Up next is a story from PT. Smith. But first, I wanted to tell you a little bit more about that spin off I mentioned earlier. It's called Grown and it's focused on the in between, the nebulous, the liminal, the just plain weird time between those awkward teenage years and full-on adulthood. Whether you're dealing with that strange time now or just looking back on it with nostalgia, whatever age you are, we think you'll get a lot out of it. Grown debuts on February 8th. Here's the trailer.
Aliza: [00:10:29] I'm Aliza.
Fonzo: [00:10:30] I'm Fonzo.
Aliza: [00:10:32] This is Grown, a podcast from The Moth about what it means to grow up.
Fonzo: [00:10:35] Me and Aliza are storytellers. We're young people.
Aliza: [00:10:38] Well, not that young.
Fonzo: [00:10:39] Speak for yourself. But most of all, we're excited to share Grown with you.
Aliza: [00:10:43] Grown is going to feature never before heard and best of stories from The Moth that explored the weird, awkward and exciting time between being a teenager and being an adult.
Female Speaker: [00:10:53] I feel like so small and clunky and I don't fit into my own body right, and I'm starting to think that the mentality that I'll never fit into any scenario I go to is just going to be how I live my life.
Female Speaker: [00:11:03] So, when I saw David flirt with Lisa, my diary became less of a diary and started venturing into cheap erotic fiction. [audience laughter]
Male Speaker: [00:11:15] Getting to New York was part of my super big revenge plan against my parents and everyone who had ever rejected or bullied me for being queer.
Female Speaker: [00:11:24] If an adult is a person who's fully grown and developed, I never want to be an adult.
Male Speaker: [00:11:30] She was just amazing. Like, we had all these inside jokes with each other and I just had this feeling that I couldn't hold onto this crush any longer. So, I went home and I looked up on Google, how to ask someone out to prom. [audience laughter]
Male Speaker: [00:11:42] We'll go out into the world and hear people's thoughts and memories.
Male Speaker: [00:11:46] She would just bring these Wonder Bread and American cheese sandwiches that she'd cut off the crust, of course. I genuinely think of that as one of the best foods I've ever eaten.
Female Speaker: [00:11:55] Yeah, I think it's just like the memory of like grandma's love.
Male Speaker: [00:11:58] Yeah, that's the special ingredient.
Aliza: [00:12:00] Young adults will call in and share how they're feeling.
Female Speaker: [00:12:03] So, my whole life, I've never been skinny. I've always gotten comments like, “Suck in your tummy or correct your posture.”
Female Speaker: [00:12:12] Massive gender envy. But I appreciate that experience because it made me realize who I really am.
Male Speaker: [00:12:17] And I felt good. I'm like, “Yeah, I got abs. I'm a man. Ah, I got this man.”
Fonzo: [00:12:24] And you might even learn a little something about Aliza and myself.
Aliza: [00:12:28] So, I always felt like I had to hide it if I liked a boy, if I kissed a boy, like I wouldn't tell my mom, you know?
Fonzo: [00:12:34] Speaking of dates, do you remember your first dinner date?
[laughter]
Aliza: [00:12:41] Yeah, I do remember Fonzo.
Fonzo: [00:12:43] I'm just playing.
Aliza: [00:12:43] No, no, let's talk about it. [laughs] Grown will launch on February 8th, 2023, available wherever you get your podcasts.
Fonzo: [00:12:53] Remember, no matter how old you are, you're never fully grown.
Devin Elise Wilson: [00:12:57] What I like most about Grown, is that it showcases storytellers from our EDU program. That's where we met our hosts, Aliza and Fonzo. If you want to bring Moth programming to your school, visit our website, themoth.org/students. All right, back to our regular programming. PT Smith told this story at a Denver Story Center. Here's PT, live at The Moth.
[cheers and applause]
PT: [00:13:20] What's up, y'all? When I was in sixth grade, I went to a middle school that when the principal got up and told us that we broke a record for fights, we cheered. [audience laughter] When I was in eighth grade, we ran out eight math teachers. When I was in sixth grade, we all conspired to make our language arts teacher quit before the period ended. Two minutes before the bell rang, she walked out.
The best thing about middle school was at lunchtime, because in sixth grade, we'd start by freestyling. We'd all huddle up and we freestyle together. Not like a good freestyle. Mostly like ums and ahs and a couple, “Yo Mama Stone” in there. [audience laughter] And that was pretty much it. And then, after we ate, we go outside and we play football until the bell rang. And it was the best.
Y'all, I'd be a liar if I can tell you when and how it happened or how I received it. But at one point in sixth grade, someone handed me a book. And I am not a reader. I don't come from a family of readers, unless you count my mom and my sister who read books that they had to quickly put behind their back when I walked in the room. [audience laughter] Fifty shades of something. [audience laughter]
But they handed me this book, and I had never seen anything about it before. I remember one night opening it up and just trying to get through Chapter 1. Y'all, that book completely changed my life. I'll never forget how much I related to it and how much I related to the stories in there. Most of the characters, I could draw out something that was like me. Take Harry, for instance. Like, “Yo, I knew what it was to have pressure. So much pressure on you.”
See, when I was growing up, my dad wasn't around. He was in and out of prison. Most of the men in my family, they did not amount to what they thought they were supposed to amount to. And so, in sixth grade, I knew, on a daily basis, what was expected of me and my family. I didn't have no scar, but I carry scars. Or, like Hermione, I remember showing up to sixth grade wanting to be a good student, wanting to have read the book, wanting to ace the test and people looking down on me for it. And my man, Ron, [audience laughter] y'all, I get it. We were broke. We were so broke. If you tried to rob me, you'd just be practicing. [audience laughter]
Normally, you get hand me downs from an older sibling, but my younger sibling was bigger than me, so I got hand me ups. [audience laughter] It's not a joke. It's true. So, I knew what that felt like, to walk in with rags when everybody else felt like they was walking in with riches. Man, I was even familiar with houses. We called them hoods where I was from. I know the difference between Slytherin and Hufferpuff even before the book even said it. [audience laughter] I've met so many Ravenclaws, it's not even funny. [audience laughter]
I became immersed in this book, y'all. I remember, one lunch, I brought it to school, because I was at a part in the Sorcerer's Stone where I was like, “You can't quit. You got to figure out what happens.” And so, instead of freestyle battling, I sat in the corner and read my book. Instead of going outside and playing football with the guys, I sat in the corner and I read this book. Because it was my world, but it wasn't. It reminded me of something, and at the same time, it reminded me of anything at all. It was everything.
I remember a teacher coming up and tapping me on the shoulder and going, “PT. PT.” Well, they call me Paul, right? That was my name. “Paul, Paul, Paul.” And I'm like, “Yes, Ms. Newton, yes.” And she's like, “How can you read in all this chaos?” I looked up and I looked around, and of course, kids was running around yelling, there was a fight because there's too many “Yo mama’s” in a freestyle battle. [audience laughter] You get like three y'all like. [audience laughter] There was all this commotion. I remember thinking like, I don't have any chaos. I'm in a completely different world right now. I'm not here. You see me, but I'm at Hogwarts.
I remember at the end of the day, I got called down to the office and she handed me this award for reading, which is really sad, y'all, that's how little this sixth grade is. [audience laughter] I was like, “Yo.” But I realized something about my life. And it's this. Anytime stuff gets crazy, anytime there's too much chaos going around, you could probably find me in a book.
[cheers and applause]
Devin Elise Wilson: [00:18:45] That was PT. Smith. PT is a husband, father of two and mentor who was born and raised in northeast Denver. PT wanted to be sure to add that although his father was incarcerated when he was young, he is the best paw paw to his grandchildren.
That's all for this episode. Remember to subscribe to Grown wherever you get your podcasts. And from all of us here at The Moth, have a story worthy week.
Marc Sollinger. [00:19:10] Aside from her work on The Moth's Education team, Devon Elise Wilson is a storyteller in her own right. She's also a writer and community organizer. The thread that unites all of her work is the life changing power of storytelling, a tool she wishes she had in her toolbox sooner. She's truly honored to be able to share it with young people on the Daily.
This episode of The Moth podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Jenness, Sarah Jane Johnson and me, Marc Sollinger. The rest of The Moth’s leadership team include Sarah Haberman, Catherine Burns Jenifer Hixson, Meg Bowles, Jennifer Birmingham, Kate Tellers, Marina Klutse, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Lee Ann Gullie, Inga Glodowski and Aldi Kaza. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by their storytellers.
For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org the Moth podcast is presented by PRX, The Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.