Host: Jenifer Hixson

Jenifer: [00:00:01] Welcome to All Together Now, Fridays with The Moth. I'm your host for this week, Jenifer Hixson. This month, we've been exploring identity. And in this episode, our two stories look at how our connections with others affect who we are and how we move around in the world. I've always liked the idea that friends are the family we get to choose. But the road can be fraught. Finding your people isn't always easy. 

Our first story about trying to make friends at summer camp is from Grace Topinka. Grace told this story at a Chicago StorySLAM, where the theme of the night was Camp. Here's Grace, live at The Moth.

[cheers and applause] 

Grace: [00:00:43] It was 1998, and I had one thing on my mind, Furbies. [audience laughter] If you're not a 1990s kid or a parent of a 1990s kid, you might not know what a Furby is. It's a demonic toy. [audience laughter] It's kind of like a robotic gremlin. Its eyes blink, its mouth moves. It speaks its own language, Furbish. And technically, it's supposed to eventually learn English if you talk to it enough. I've never actually seen this happen, but Furbies were all the rage. Anyone who was anyone in my summer camp had one. 

I went to summer camp every year, because both my parents worked and they needed something to do with me. I always loved it, because at school, I had solidified myself as the nerdy, quiet kid. Even though I let people copy my homework, popularity always evaded me. [audience laughter] But camp was going to be new kids, new people, new me. I was going to show up, and I was going to be outgoing and friendly and I was finally going to be popular. 

So, this particular summer, I went to church camp. [audience chuckle] Not the creepy kind. We mostly just played capture the flag and made-up dances to Spice Girls, but it was at my local church. I got there and I realized everyone already knew each other, because they all went to the private Catholic school that the camp was at and I'm a public-school kid, so they're all like, "Yeah, we go to St. John Neumann Catholic School for boys and girls, K through 8. You go to Leawood Elementary? Sounds quaint.” [audience laughter] They didn't actually say that we were in third grade, but I felt that way. [audience laughter]

All I knew was that these girls were cool in a way that I wasn't, because they were already wearing ankle socks, like no-show socks. [audience laughter] I was still at my quarter highs and my Skechers. But I thought Furbies would be my way in, because everyone had Furbies. So, after the first week, I went home and I begged my mom to get me a Furby. And she was like, "Well, that was supposed to be your birthday present in August." I was like, "No, you don't understand. It is social suicide to not have a Furby [audience laughter] at this camp." She finally gave in and got me a Furby. And on Monday, I was so excited to bring this Furby to camp. But I realized that my Furby wasn't like the others. 

Furbies are cute. They're polka dot pink, teal. When we went to the toy store to get my Furby, all of the cute Furbies were gone. There was one type of Furby left, and since it was May, it was the graduation Furby. [audience laughter] So, my Furby was plain black in his graduation robe, and he was wearing a graduation hat. And in my excitement, I didn't realize how weird this is for a seven-year-old [audience chuckle] to have a toy with a graduation hat. I brought him to camp and everyone noticed he was weird. They let me play with them, but they all called him The Professor. [audience laughter] 

You just don't want to be the professor when you're in third grade. [audience laughter] No kid's favorite Winnie-the-Pooh character is the owl. [audience laughter] So, needless to say, I never became popular that summer. And the camp ended, I took my Furby home and he started talking a lot in the middle of the night. [audience chuckle] So, I had to take his batteries out and hide him in a closet. But then, years went on, and I would go to new summer camps, middle school, high school, college and I always had the best intentions of being a new me. Outgoing, friendly, and I was going to be popular. I never got it. I never figured out the secret formula to just being a popular kid. 

At the end of my senior year, my parents were moving, so I went home to help clean out the house and I found The Professor and put batteries in him just to see what would happen. He started making weird, crazy, scary noises. His eyes were blinking, but they weren't in tandem. [audience laughter] But I felt a connection to him, because I too was going to be donning my very own graduation cap soon. 

As I threw his body in the trash, [audience laughter] I realized yes, maybe The Professor is a Furby outcast, but he has other things going for him, okay? He's sophisticated, he’s kind, he has his degree, right? [audience laughter] Maybe a masters, I don't know. Does any other Furby have that? I don't think so. [audience laughter] After I graduated college, I went on to new jobs and new activities and meeting new people. I stopped putting pressure on myself to be outgoing and friendly in something that I’m not. I may never be the most popular Furby at summer camp, and that's okay. Thank you.

[cheers and applause] 

Jenifer: [00:06:07] That was Grace Topinka. Grace Topinka is from Miami, but now calls Chicago home. She's the co-host of Two Girls One Crossword, a weekly trivia podcast for people who are bad at trivia. She creates the podcast with one of her very best friends, Chelsea. Take heart, lonely people. Seems it is possible to forge deep friendships even without the help of a Furby. To see some pictures of Grace during her camp days and her tall socks, head to themoth.org. 

Up next, a story from Pam Burrell. Pam told this story at a Denver GrandSLAM, where the theme of the night was Fish out of Water. Here's Pam, live at The Moth.

[cheers, hollers and applause] 

Pam: [00:06:57] I didn't know what I wanted to do after high school, but my mother did. [audience chuckle] She decided that I was going to attend a prestigious college, study premed and become a doctor. I didn't have the courage to tell her that I lacked the self-confidence to make life and death decisions for other people. I also lacked the courage to resist her plan. [audience laughter] But I did draw one non-negotiable line in the sand. If I had to go to college, it was going to be a traditional black college in a large city. 

On my first day as a scholarship student at Whitman College in Walla Walla, Washington, [audience laughter] I discovered that I was the only black woman in the entering class. [audience laughter] I also discovered that my dorm room had been reconfigured, so that my roommate and I wouldn't share a bedroom. I asked the residence manager why ours was the only room that had been changed around, and she said, "Well, we thought you'd feel more comfortable with that arrangement." 

So, from my very first day, I was made to feel that I was an outsider who needed to be treated differently from my peers. I didn't know how to navigate that situation and I spent the next four years trying to break a code I didn't understand. In my sophomore year, I volunteered with 11 other students at the Washington State Penitentiary, a maximum-security prison. The main goal of the program was to help soon-to-be released prisoners adapt to life on the outside. I had found my people. I have never felt more at home or more appreciated than I did with those men. They had lost control of their destiny.

They were anxious, scared and confused, but they were determined to succeed. They had each other's backs, and supported each other through addictions and through helplessness and rage. Talking to them was the highlight of my week for almost two years. I never missed a meeting. Then one night, I drove to our designated meeting place on campus and no one was there. I immediately recognized what had happened. The Ohio Players, one of the biggest things to hit campus in years, were performing that night. I passed streams of concertgoers as I drove the empty van to the prison. 

I was surprised by the intensity of my affection for these men. Looking back, I think I realized that they were where they were, because they had acted on their feelings and I was where I was, because I had not. When I got to the prison, I decided to see all of the men together in one group. As the 30 men settled in, one of the men said, "Where is everybody?" I told them about the concert, and another man said, "Don't you like the Ohio Players?" [audience chuckle] I said, "They're one of my favorite bands." And he said, "Then what you doing here, fool?" And we all laughed. I said, "Well, I'd rather be here. I love you, guys. I care about you and I want to do everything I can to help you succeed." 

The room went deathly still, no one spoke. Finally, I asked the group what was wrong. One of the men began to cry and said, "In my whole life, no one has ever told me that they loved me or that they cared about me." Then one by one, every man began to cry. After a while, one of the men pointed to the guard who was monitoring our group and said, "Look, even old Baldy is crying." [audience chuckle] 

Eventually, they went their way and I went mine. I don't know if that program helped those men, but I know it helped me. I still lack courage and self-confidence, but when I'm afraid or feeling challenged by the world, I think back to that special group of foster brothers of mine and I tell myself, "Hey, guys, we can get through this together." Thank you.

[cheers and applause] 

Jenifer: [00:12:17] That was Pam Burrell. By the way, I was there the night Pam told the story and she won the GrandSLAM. The roof lifted. And I have to say, when Baldy cries, come on, people. 

Pam Burrell is a career postal worker and a songwriter. She lives in Denver with her wife. The name of the band Pam didn't get to see, the Ohio Players, wasn't familiar to me. So, I googled them and realized that they are the force behind Roller Coaster. Remember that? [sings] Roller Coaster. Hoo hoo, hoo. Thank you for the reminder, Pam, I really enjoyed that Google search.

Our storytellers this week both had moments where they felt like outsiders, a feeling that's familiar to all of us at some point, I'm sure. Here's a couple of prompts to get you thinking about stories of your own. Think about a time you tried to fit in and just couldn't pull it off. What about a time you were glad to be an outsider? Or, my favorite, tell us about the toy or article of clothing or material thing that you believed would really make you happy and did it work? I really wanted a slip n slide. I saved up, and even though it wasn't like on the commercials, I did love it.

You can find these prompts and a few more in the Extras for this episode on our website, themoth.org. We want to hear from you and how you're liking All Together Now. Share your photos, your story prompt answers, your thoughts and feelings with us on Facebook and Twitter, @themoth, and on Instagram, @mothstories. Bonus for anyone who sends a picture of their Furby. 

That's it for this week, closing up our month on Identity. Next month, the theme is Perspective. So, stay tuned for that. Until next time, from all of us here at The Moth, have a story-worthy week.

Julia: [00:14:03] Jenifer Hixson is a Senior Director and one of the hosts of The Moth Radio Hour. In 2000, she launched The Moth StorySLAM. The StorySLAM now has a full-time presence in 29 cities around the world. She falls a little bit in love with each storyteller and hopes you will too.

Jenifer: [00:14:21] Podcast production by Julia Purcell. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at prx.org.